Archives for August, 2012

Diagnosis

Sex with a Stranger: Addiction to Anonymous Sex

“Anonymous sex” is sex with someone you don’t know.  The literal meaning of anonymous is “without a name” but it could be that you know the person’s name but don’t know much else about them.

In fact, sex between people who know almost nothing about each other is a generally accepted and has even become a cliché scene in the movies.  Two people who just met are so overcome with attraction that they go...
Continue Reading

General

Sexual Secrets Make You Physically Sick

“You are only as sick as your secrets” is a common saying among recovering sex addicts and other kinds of addicts as well.  What this implies is that you are keeping something about yourself a secret, like your sexual acting out behavior, because on some level you feel shame and guilt about it.

You believe that what you are doing is reprehensible and that you are unworthy.

In other words, it is accepted that...
Continue Reading

General

Discovery of Sex Addiction in a Partner: What to Do First

When you first discover sexually compulsive behavior in a partner, it may be hard to think straight.  Nevertheless, you are in a position of being a “first responder” in a crisis situation that seems to require action of some sort.

You are the “interventionist” for the moment

Very often a spouse or partner of a sex addict is alone in confronting the situation.  An alcoholic or drug addict may have half a dozen...
Continue Reading

Diagnosis

Why Sex Addicts Seem Sociopathic




To their partners and spouses, many sex addicts will, at some point in their addiction, seem to lack a conscience.  They may lie, cheat, exploit others, think only of themselves and disregard the harm to others.  And they will often be able to do all this while keeping up a façade of social acceptability.

When you're around a sex addict, it's easy to...
Continue Reading

General

How to Survive Sexual Betrayal

Why do most spouses and partners react to the discovery of sexual addiction with such a sense of total devastation?  Sexual betrayal is an emotional blow that can be harder to deal with than anything, even death.

Most therapists who deal with partners of sex addicts now see the partner as experiencing severe trauma and PTSD symptoms, at least in the initial period post-discovery.  This suggests a theoretical framework that can...
Continue Reading

Diagnosis

Sex Addiction Deniers: What Makes Them So Mad?

The mere idea of “sex addiction” gets a lot of people angry.  I’m talking here about the writers who rail about the “myth” of sexual addiction and who argue that the whole idea of sex addiction is just a cop-out for the addict and a money making scam for the professionals.

The anatomy of a sex addiction denier

I prefer to see these “deniers,” as I call them, as a part of a...
Continue Reading

Diagnosis

Fake Romance: Understanding a Seduction Addict’s Playbook

"What just happened?"

That can be the feeling you get when you've encountered a seduction addict. These are the “nice guys” of sex addiction.  But anyone who has ever dated a compulsive seducer can tell you that they are as intimacy disabled as any other sex addict, maybe more so.  They tend to leave a nasty trail of non-relationships behind them and their future looks pretty much like their past.

We’ll look at...
Continue Reading

General

How Can a Sex Addict Regain Trust?

Even after a sex addict has admitted the problem and has gone into treatment for sexually addictive behaviors like serial affairs, excessive porn use, or compulsive cybersex (to name just a few), it is normal for spouses and partners to feel hurt, angry and suspicious.  Even after the addict has been sexually “sober” for a period of months, the spouse will usually be justifiably mistrustful.

They see the sex addict...
Continue Reading

General

Porn And Sexism: Men Are Speaking Out

Men are tackling some tough sexual issues.  Issues like  male sexuality and sex addiction.  For decades there have been men who were for gender equality, against violence and against sex role injustice.  But now men’s liberation seems to be showing strength in the sexual arena.  There are currently a number of male-run websites exploring the myths around “male supremacist sexuality,” and taking a hard look at porn addiction as well.

In what follows...
Continue Reading