6 thoughts on “My Journey as the Family Scapegoat

  • February 13, 2020 at 12:31 am

    The invalidation is slow and insidious and goes into what you do, graduates to what you think and what you feel, then what you are, and then the invalidation becomes you, as the whole person (rejected and outcast). It’s like a cancer that takes over your whole life. You spend way more of your childhood wondering how to get along with your parent (and even please your parent) than doing homework, working on your dreams, etc.
    Frankly, I think scapegoating should be illegal. Why does any child have to endure so much gaslighting, having their minds toyed with, word salad arguments, insults, derision for no other reason than that our parent didn’t want a girl (or some other reason), and growing up not being cared about?

    • February 13, 2020 at 1:36 am

      There is so little awareness around psycho-emotional abuse in general, and how this impacts children and adult survivors of dysfunctional family systems. Education is needed in our schools, family courts, and in our Mental Health systems. So many are suffering in silence, not understanding what actually happened to them, nor the true cause of their suffering. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

  • February 13, 2020 at 2:36 am

    Bowen Family Systems theory call the scapegoat symptom bearer and they try to get the scapegoat to show up be respectful and change the narrative… the Bowen Place that runs the complex needs Centre, and Bowen families therapy admitted is a failing of Bowen therapy and not enough time or effort is put into helping the symptom bearer… but yes they perhaps the best currently available and possibly waking up a lot of Scapegoat adults… key prevention is early in life education about this family behaviour because the silence and silencing of this type of child abuse is compounded by mental health and education systems who restigmatise stigmatise and single out the symptom bearer as the Identified Patient
    The world is not yet equipped to manage inner family relationships and processes…

    We will probably Scapegoat the world to death because of this human flaw

    • February 13, 2020 at 11:40 am

      Hi Travis, indeed, Bowenian theory has it’s limitations, for the reasons you mention. I find it can be more effective to bring in elements of ‘Internal Family Systems’ therapy when I work with scapegoated clients, as this protects the client from exposing themselves to further abuse. Psychosynthesis is also a way to work with ‘internalized objects’, or ‘subpersonalities’. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  • February 13, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    It’s taken me many years to accept my role as one of the scapegoats in my family. Narcissist mom decided who was to be ridiculed or shunned and the rest of the family fell in line. That hardest thing to accept is that I need No Contact to stay safe because it’s inter generational and won’t end.

    • February 13, 2020 at 2:19 pm

      You may have already seen my videos on why going ‘no contact’ is sometimes the scapegoated adult survivor’s only option (I seem to remember you once subscribed to my Newsletter via my Scapegoat Recovery website). Thank you for commenting, Glory.


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