“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” Dalai Lama
Time and again people are confusing the concepts of silent treatment, ghosting, and no contact.
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18 thoughts on “Silent Treatment, Ghosting, and No Contact: Telling It Like It Is”
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Thank you
My son treats me this way . Now I understand more .
K
I very much enjoyed your thoughts on ghosting, gave me a much needed chuckle.
Thank you.
Very well written blog essay and on-point
Thank you.
Hi Andrea, Thanks for your explanation of the difference between silent treatment, ghosting and no contact. My DIL implements the silent treatment towards my son often after a temper tantrum. When my son has defended her behaviour (trauma bonding) by giving me the silent treatment, I finally confronted him and told him that the silent treatment does not solve problems and he needs to find another way. We agreed that after 24 hours that the issue would be addressed by video chat or in person but not by email. Ghosting is so cowardly! Nowadays, it is done by not responding to emails, phone calls, etc., I fell out with a friend I had known for four decades who ghosted and I emailed her expressing my anger and disappointment. She called and angrily accused me of dumping on her and she was busy with health issues in her family. I ended the conversation by wishing her Happy Thanksgiving. My DIL is a malignant narcissist and told my son that I want no contact with her…of course, it’s always my fault. I am making a point of cutting out toxic people who shame and blame me as a target of narc abuse, They just don’t get it.
I am glad the article was helpful…
Helpful article but NPD is difficult to diagnose, a collegue didnt respond to my message i believe, since i didnt answe his advances, is it possible?
Actually NPD is pretty simple to diagnose if you are a therapist with this specialty of helping survivors in the aftermath of psychological abuse:). I wouldn’t encourage it in the layperson, however. Not sure I understand your question — please elaborate about your situation?
Hi Andrea, what an impressive and well written article giving insight into a narcissistic personality. I have been receiving the silent Treatment from my best friend and you have provided me with the answers that I am seeking. I am going through a difficult time and she makes so many loving excuses not to be there for me, which are believable. I had an insight where when my mother had cancer, she was always alone. No one rarely came to visit her. At her funeral, there were so many people there. After my friend committed suicide, at the wake, everyone was saying “why didn’t she just come to me for help etc”, but she did. I expressed my hurt and anger how people abandon you when you are going through a difficult time but I never mentioned her name or accused her of this action. That’s when the silent treatment started. In the first paragraph of your analysis of the silent treatment, I am a bit confused and I was wondering if you are able to elaborate more so that I can grasp your concept. Thanks in advance.
Hi Kristine — thanks for your comment — To answer your question, the silent treatment is an abuse tactic utilized by an abuser (very typically an extreme narcissist) to halt communication and usurp power and control in the relationship. Usually it is deployed when a boundary has been set or when the abuser is being called out on their behavior. A narcissistic injury ensues and the abuser often will elect to use this “cold fury” response…does that make sense?
Hi Andrea,
Thank you for taking the time to explain to me in more detail the narcissist behaviour. I can grasp your concept now which leads me to thinking, what has happened to you to become like this. It’s quite sad really.
Glad that was helpful… it is sad that a person has such handicaps in their communication style that they can’t talk about their fears and vulnerabilities. Instead, in this case, they are so detached from their own emotion that there is a projection of anger onto the target so that the abuser is not “holding” that emotion or even aware of their own feelings. Narcissistic injury sometimes results in silent treatment by the abuser.
Wow, thanks for this article, very insightful and spot on.
@Tom – glad it is helpful.
Sony son has ghosted me since his wedding 2 yrs ago. Not even a card at Christmas though he gladly accepted Christmas gifts that’s his sister delivered. I thought it might be petty to cut him out of my life. But he has already severed the relationship. With the exception of his inheritance that he feels he is entitled to. His father died 5 years ago. Before that we were a very close family. I keep hoping things will change. Am I an idiot?
I would like to join this blog. I need to learn and ask questions about a family member (I will not use names). I think this person is NPD or BPD. Thanks
feel free to follow –would be happy to answer your questions.