11 thoughts on “The Emotions Of Abuse: Part 2: ANGER AND RAGE

  • April 30, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Would be helpful to leave a link to part one, I kinda feel like I’m walking into an on-going conversation.

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    • May 16, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      Hi Julie. Thank you for your comment. We have now added links to all the articles in this series so you can be sure to read all parts of the conversation!

      Reply
  • May 1, 2016 at 12:36 am

    I have been on diagnosed with dysthymia and have been on meds for 23 years. I have also been through 8 years of talk therapy. I have learned that my dysthymia stems from CEN and several traumatic events in my youth. I am 64 years old. I am better at controlling my rage episodes,I still stuff my anger and occasionally bursts out in rage. I have been told that this is the way it will be for the rest of my life.

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    • May 11, 2016 at 12:47 pm

      Paul, what if it doesn’t have to be that way the rest of your life? Have you read more on this website? So much more is possible than what this reality and the medical world tells us.

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    • May 16, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      Hi Paul. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your comment. Years ago, the endocronolist told me I had no other option but to remove my thyroid and be on meds for the rest of my life. I didn’t buy that. I cured myself of the disease, have all my organs and am not on meds. So yes, there are other possibilities. Feel free to contact me directly to find out how I might support you in moving beyond your rage. http://drlisacooney.com

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  • May 12, 2016 at 9:53 am

    im having some confusion as i come out of a hard relationship. im having a hard time telling the difference between anger that is the result of a boundary being crossed, or anger that is abusive. in short, i cant tell if i have been abusive, or if my partner was. are there any resources out there to help me work through this?

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    • May 16, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      Great awareness and great question. A healthy expression of anger when a boundary has been crossed might sound like this, “It does not work for me when you do XYZ. I feel afraid, concerned and angry. Please stop that behavior immediately so we can talk about this (or get support).” See how the speaker is taking responsibility and expressing their emotions as well as making a clear and tangible request? A dysfunctional expression of anger that is abusive often includes blaming, name-calling, accusations and other ways of not taking responsibility. If you’d like more support with working through this, I invite you to call into my weekly radio show, “Beyond Abuse, Beyond Therapy, Beyond Anything,” which airs live on Tuesdays @ 12pm CST. Here’s the link for more information: http://drlisacooney.com/radio-show/ There are other resources available to you on my website as well: http://drlisacooney.com Thank you for reading and sharing your comment with me. I’m an ally to you on your path!

      Reply
  • May 18, 2016 at 11:33 am

    WOW, when I read this I was just WOW.
    I have experienced all of the above and have come out on top.
    I applied for a job that I had NO experience at. I told the guy this and told him I am a quick learner. He said How do I know this? I said, I just told you. He hired me. With his dedication, and trust in me, the anger I had toward “Employers” dissipated, and I am secure in my skills, and more important myself.
    To read this, and look back at my turmoil, was amazing. Thank you

    Reply
    • May 20, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Juna ~ Thank you so much for taking a moment to share this with me. I honor you for all the inner work you’ve done to overcome your anger towards “employers,” and to arrive at this place of feeling more secure with yourself. Congratulations!

      Reply
  • June 29, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Why are you calling yourself Dr. if you’re an LMFT?

    Reply
  • October 3, 2018 at 4:05 am

    I live with a narcissistic manipulative, gaslightighting abusive bf. Abusive in physical, mental, emotional, sexual and verbal. All my male relationships that go back to my stepfather have been abusive. This won’t last one is the worst the one before him tried to kill me. This one abuses me and every possibly way he can. And then tells me that it’s all me and I do everything wrong and if I would just be more loving and listen to him and wear clothes that he approves of, etc, that everything would be great and we would have a good relationship. He’s always thinking I’m cheating on him even though I’m catching him saying that he loves other women and misses them. He thinks that I go out to the woods and take naked pictures to send them to men. He goes through my photos they go back 20 years to see if my nipple is showing in any of them. Exedra Exedra Exedra it’s constantly a mental abuse. I’m in such a rage and so angry and full of hatred and so bitter and full of resentment that I can’t control myself when he starts telling me that it’s all my fault and I do everything to him and he’s basically a god. And Pats himself on the back. I can’t control myself when I get past being pushed by him for days and days like I am right now. And when I get like that I want revenge. I spit in his coffee. I dumped out his coffee. I throw his clothes in the cat box. Oh yeah he also calls me whore all the time and stalks me at work. That’s my trigger and he knows it. Yesterday I rubbed the dog crap all over his baby picture. I’ve did a few things that I regret later whenever he’s trying to be sweet to me. And I pray and I hope that everything is changed and then it’ll slip back to abuse in about 3 days later. This time started on Sunday when he started telling me he loved me and missed me cuz he was out of town. That’s always a huge sign that he has high expectations and if they’re not met exactly how he wants them to be met he will go completely crazy. Well I didn’t have the cushions on the couch right. I didn’t have the pizza in the oven. And it was too late to go out for a walk with him. Even though we love to walk I was tired and I didn’t feel good. To top it off when he tried to forcefully quote rape me why I was asleep that night and I told him in my deep sleep then I wanted to be left alone that I was asleep then he went completely off that morning screaming in my face making my dog’s upset. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this and move away because I don’t have enough money and I have animals and that’s what’s pretty much held me to him in the first place. And then I keep hoping and praying that something will change. Is it normal to take revenge? Is it normal to do the kind of Revenge that I have done? Because I can’t find anything on women who have been abused doing that kind of Revenge. I know my depression is very serious severe. And I know it comes from him. And I know that now he’s affected my brain bad enough where I was talking to a girl at work and telling her how he screamed at me on Saturday morning while I was in the shower like he normally does. He pulls the shower curtain back and start screaming bloody murder at me. And he did that Saturday and she said he screams at you in the morning? And I thought to myself you mean people don’t get screamed at in the mornings? I always thought everybody got screamed at in the mornings and it was a normal thing. He says that I deserve to be screamed at because I won’t listen to him and then I mean to him. Which enrages me again because then I feel like I would not be mean to you if you are not mean to me in the first place. I feel like I’m going crazy and I feel like I’m possessed. And everybody’s done sick of listing to me. And everybody from church is pretty much shut me out. And my mom is sick to death of it and my sister is sick to death of it. He calls my mom every time that there’s something serious going on. I’m not married to this man. But I have known him since we were kids. I think that that’s what’s held us together besides financial reasons because of me. Although he does like to tell me that he’s going to kick me out into the street so I can become a prostitute. I will not get rid of my dogs and I do not have a friend that they can stay with. I partially have a career but I don’t have a full-time job. I just don’t know how much more I can take before I end up in an institution. I need to know how crazy I am. I need to know what I can do to save myself before I stop remembering everything about who I was. He even likes to pick on the music I listen to. He picks on everything about me. And then he says that I’m mean to him and that I need counseling and he doesn’t need anything. He wants me to go to a counselor with him so he could tell the counselor how bad I am. And make himself into some God like he does anyway. I just need to know how crazy I am. Please help

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