Is Money Your Jailer? 4 Steps To Getting Out Of Jail

If you’ve ever experienced abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, physical, mental), most likely you view money like you view life: as a perpetrator.

(You can read more about viewing life through abuse-colored glasses in my article here.)

The effects of abuse are pervasive. Even if the abuse ended decades ago, it can still feel like you’re living in a cage, a prison cell. Only now, money is the perpetrator, the jailer.



Forgiveness: It’s For You, Not For Them

If you’ve ever been abused, you may be very familiar with anger, blame and resentment.

When we’ve experienced abuse…

We’re filled with anger and rage at our abuser(s) for what they did. They violated us in one way or another and anger is a very appropriate response to that violation.

We blame our abuser(s) for how their violation impacted and is still impacting our lives. For all of the trauma, the pain...


3 Myths About Abuse

There are a number of myths you may have bought into about abuse. These myths serve one purpose: they hold you back from moving beyond abuse. Is it time to see these myths for what they are so you move beyond abuse once and for all?

Myth #1: You are on your own

One myth about abuse is that you have to figure out how to unlock yourself from the cage of...


Is Your View Skewed? (The Impact Of Abuse)

Have you ever felt violated when a loved one simply peeks their head into your office to ask a question?

Or perhaps you perceive your mortgage, credit card debt and IRS payments as perpetrators, always pressuring you, always after you, always present?

If so, you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. This is often what you experience if you’ve ever been abused. Your view of the world...


Are You Living On Autopilot?

Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day?

In this movie, the main character (played by Bill Murray) gets caught in a time loop and repeats the same day over and over again. At first he indulges in many hedonistic acts. Then he attempts to commit suicide numerous times: that’s how fed up he is by the repetition.

Once he realizes that isn’t going to catapult him out of the time-loop,...


PAIN: Embodying Abuse

Janet came to me complaining of chronic pain that she’d been dealing with for much of her life. She had tried everything from medications to alternative forms of healing like bodywork, herbs and diet.

While she experienced short-term relief with some of these, none of...


The Destruction of Denying

Denying is our way of pretending something isn’t happening either while it is happening or after it has happened, in order to survive it. It’s actually the mind’s way of protecting us.

We deny all kinds of things to protect ourselves from the shock, pain and trauma of abuse.

We deny:

That abuse occurred
The depth of the abuse
That it was wrong
Who the perpetrator was
That it...


The Shadow Side Of Receiving

As I shared in The Invisible Cage of Abuse, when we are abused, our resourceful younger selves used coping strategies to try to protect ourselves from the pain.

These coping strategies served us at the time. The problem is we continue to use these strategies to cope in life as an adult, when they no longer serve us. They keep us repeating patterns of abuse – often unconsciously.

One of these coping strategies is defending. When...


Why Would You Make Friends With The Cage Of Abuse?

Life inside the cage of abuse becomes familiar. The feelings of worthlessness, the repeated patterns of “not enough” or “less than” in all areas of your life: health, relationship and wealth.

So, when you begin the journey of moving beyond abuse, and leaving the cage, something quite surprising occurs. The freedom, pleasure and possibility you experience is so unfamiliar that it can feel shocking, scary, crazy, and all you want to do...


Is It Time To Update Your Hard Drive?

Have you ever noticed what happens when you don’t update the hard drive on your computer?

Old, out-dated and corrupt files can all seriously impede your computer’s performance. It’s the same with your mental and physical hard drive too.

The moment you switch on a computer, there are countless automatic programs that run even when you don’t think about them. You experience similar things in your own hard drive.

There are so many programs that...