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On Being Called a Fat Old Bitch

What an interesting few days I’ve had.

I write about various topics in my work, including music. Last week, I wrote a blog post for a local newsweekly’s website in which I was critical of a local band. It had snarky moments—Dallas/Fort Worth, where I live, is a snarky media market. But it had a point, and I didn’t accuse anyone of kicking puppies or eating babies or anything. I expected a rough-and-tumble response. I thought I knew what I was getting into. Being called bitchy, perhaps. An F-bomb or two, since I threw one myself.

But one of the members of the band is a delicate blossom who also happens to be on a hugely popular afternoon drive-time radio show. And although his show’s stock-in-trade is snarky, Delicate Blossom was devastated by my criticism. He was so upset that he ranted first on his Facebook page, and then on the air. I have avoided direct contact with both of his rants because I’m busy and a little neurotic and I don’t have time be thrown off my game any more than necessary. But I do know the gist of what he said, and the words “fat old bitch” are involved. Also “ugly.”

Obviously, I have nothing but disdain for anyone with so little imagination that the only way he can argue is Neanderthal slurs. And I’m puzzled that anyone so thin-skinned is in show business. I tried to shrug this off as just the little crybaby hissyfit it is.

Except it’s not.

34 Comments to
On Being Called a Fat Old Bitch

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  1. In other words, if a Mexican-American says something that pisses off a radio host, and that host goes on the air and calls that Mexican-American a “stinkin’ Mexican,” that’s OK because it was provoked?

  2. Congrats SD, non-wittied expletive charterizations are never worthy of responding, but I am glad that you held your ground. I used to listen to that afternoon slot, but unfortunately they cater to the 7 year old intellilect, and prefer the morning show diatribes. This male has got your back.

    • Thanks, hambones! My husband is getting used to a Ticket-free life. Maybe if Danny apologized on the air Tom would feel OK listening to the station again, though I doubt he’ll bother with the Hardline anymore. (I have left all decisions up to him on this matter.) Corby joined in on the insults, Mike Rhyner sat silently. Phooey on all of them.

  3. Didn’t you write “Fuck ’em” in your review? So you lashed out first, unprovoked. Danny’s 2nd mistake was stooping to your level and insulting you personally. His 1st? Acknowledging your sloppy, lazy, self-centered crap review @ all.

  4. You’re absolutely right…they should have ignored it.

  5. your article was well written, but damn. you can’t insult the bucks. ya just can’t.

    • Thanks. It seems you can insult them, rather grievously. Which surprised me, considering how popular they are. I figured they’d be pretty secure. They weren’t the focus of my post anyway. They were just an example. At least I know who they are. Other bands I’ve blown off didn’t stick in my memory at all.

  6. @Sophia/Rose – Well, I certainly don’t want anyone to think that I think it’s okay to call someone a name based on their gender or race. I had hoped that I made that point clear. There is definitely justification behind your offense at the remark, and any remark directed at gender/racial differences. And I’m thrilled with your attempts to change that mindset – as futile as I think that effort might be (which is truly unfortunate).

    I was just pointing out the motivation behind the insult – that the intent wasn’t driven by female hate so much as it was driven by the guy being an idiot. Most people on this planet don’t think about what they say or do, especially when attacked – they just react. Fight or flight, it’s a basic instinct, right?

    Differences in gender or race are a common, and easy, target because they’re visual and you don’t have to know the person for it to have a damaging affect. Therefore, it doesn’t require a lot of thought, and that’s why DB used that term.

    Again, I’m not saying it’s okay, I’m just saying that his comment likely wasn’t motivated by female hatred. It was motivated by laziness and stupidity. DB doesn’t know you, and doesn’t want to get to know you, so his only line of defense was to make up something based on what he saw.

    In essence, he doesn’t hate you for being a female, he hates you for not liking him.

  7. I appreciate your point of view J-M and your reasonable discussion.

    We’ll have to agree to disagree on whether it was a misogynistic response. That this was the first response that popped into his mind says a lot about him, to me. And, by the way, he had already been jumped by some of his female friends for saying stuff like that on Facebook…and then he decided to take it to the radio. So he was fully aware.

  8. @Sophia/Rose – Just to clarify the above, I might be completely wrong about his intent – he might actually hate women, and be attempting to demean women with his words. I’d just be shocked if that were the case.

    His reaction didn’t sound like a truly thought-out, well-crafted insult. It appeared to be just a gut reaction.

    I don’t come across a lot of people in this world that truly think things through before they say them, especially when put on the spot and when speaking out loud with their mouths. It’s different when someone writes about it, because then they have the time to concoct their argument.

    So him using the word “bitch” very well might be revealing a deep-seated hatred for women. But given that there are equal words for all races/genders, the fact that he was speaking on a radio show, and that most people attack appearance because it’s just too easy – I’m inclined to believe that his motivation was just that he’s one of the billions of thin-skinned idiots who can’t control the path between the brain and the mouth.

    I can’t stress enough that I still think it’s wrong (thus the repeated use of the terms – idiot, moron, animal-like). And yes, it certainly would be much more frightening if he thought through his response, and this is what he came up with. Regardless, he’s still wrong to say what he said and you’re still right to be offended. On that I wholeheartedly agree.

  9. @Sophia – Ah, I did not know about the Facebook thing. Well, either way, he’s a moron. ;o)

  10. @Former Dallas Resident – LOL, a “hack”? It’s an opinion article on a blog site, not an editorial or news story. She didn’t like the show, and she explained why, and provided sufficient examples based on her experience. The music was good, but the performers were non-engaging. I’m not sure what more there is to writing an opinion article that could put her in the category of a “hack”.

    Oh, the Internet…

  11. @J-M: May I just hereby echo Sophia’s kudos to you for your reasonable, respectful discussion.

    It’s precisely because it takes no effort at all to practice sexism that so many men who do are so taken aback when a woman calls them on it. That’s part of why it’s so important to call them on it – so it gets recognized.

    @MR: I’m sure you know that the key to defining “real” prejudice isn’t whether or not those behaviors were provoked. I’m sure you also know that aribtrarily deciding what does and does not constitute “real” prejudice is problematic at best.
    I’m not sure whether you meant to assign levels to the importance of sexism v. racism, so I guess I’ll ask for clarification there before going any further.

  12. Hi Rose: I wasn’t assigning levels, simply trying to state that while racism gets an immediate visceral response from what I’ll call “decent folks”, sexism is often given a pass by some of the same folks because it is so common and oftentimes overlooked or considered acceptable. That’s all.

  13. “sonofabitch” Why do they always blame the mother? As a general rule, I refer to a “sonofaprick” – it’s generally more accurate. Just sayin’…

  14. The male equivalent would be “prick”. In this case, I would add the modifier “oozing”, as in, “That is no delicate blossom; that is an oozing prick.”

  15. Ya know, I just was called a fat old bitch today and was musing about why it bothers me at all when I consider the source. But, nevertheless, it does. I have long advised my two twenty-something daughters that when a guy wants to get to them, he will fall back on the b word, with any number of descriptors added, favorites being fat and old and they shouldn’t let it bother them. Any yet….
    So I googled fat old bitch just to see what came up and lo and behold, I landed here. Interesting that there are so many responses. J-M, I appreciate your balanced and reasonable responses. There is little to do but move forward and let it go. But it makes me sad that there is enough of a community of women out there who get this crap thrown at them when they dare to have an opinion different from someone else’s that you can google it and actually find this much info about it.

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