Emotional Mastery

Five Habits to Gain the Cooperation of Your Subconscious Mind

When thoughts go in several directions at once or when you feel disconnected from what you are doing in the moment, do yourself a favor. Pause for a moment to center your emotional energies.

When you are not centered, fear has overwhelmed the balance of the body, and thoughts feel scattered because the emotional part of the brain is flooded. Your subconscious mind has stopped cooperating with your conscious mind, in fact, it has hijacked all the systems of your body, as happens, whenever the stress response of the body gets activated.

Whether you are worrying about the future or a problem that needs to be fixed or just entertaining anxious thoughts, in effect, you are unwittingly throwing off your body’s balance by entertaining worrisome thoughts that focus your mind on anxious images “out there” somewhere in the future.

Emotional Mastery

The Uncooperative Subconscious Mind: Saboteur or Scared Parent?

When your subconscious mind does not cooperate with your plans, though it may feel like a saboteur, in reality, it’s more like a scared parent. It’s been tracking your beliefs. You’ve scared it into thinking you need to be rescued (by your defense strategies).

It also believes your physical survival is at stake in any emotionally painful situations, when it’s not (hopefully)!

Whenever you get triggered, unless you know how to calm your mind and body, your subconscious mind automatically activates the “fight or flee” response, which interrupts all normal processes of the body to redirect the energy of all systems in the service of your survival.

Emotional Mastery

How to Get Your Own Cooperation: Taming Your Subconscious Mind

Have you ever wanted to break a habit, and found it seemingly impossible? Ever hoped to start a new healthy behavior, yet didn’t follow through – repeatedly? If so, you know the stuck feeling.

Despite good intentions, it seems a part of you, in certain areas, opposes your wish to stop an unwanted behavior or to implement a new one.

Whenever you want to do one thing and do another instead, most likely, you’re experiencing incongruence between the goals of your “conscious” and “subconscious” mind.

Emotional Mastery

The Role of Mindfulness and Emotional Mastery in Couple Relationships

Ever notice how many of your thoughts, during a communication with your spouse, take you out of the present moment to future worries or past laments? If you’re not aware of what you tell yourself in your mind (self-talk), and uncertain about how to return to the present moment, you are at risk of mismanaging your emotions in sensitive discussions with your partner.


The thoughts you think inside your mind end up on your lips. Life-draining thoughts cause similar emotions that, in turn, produce unwanted behavioral outcomes, such as reactivity, in your discussions. And, the point is to obtain great outcomes for both, right?

Now, there is a proven solution: developing a practice of mindfulness to master your emotional states.

Conscious Lifestyle

Set New Year’s Goals You Absolutely Achieve, Part 3 of 3: Amp Up The Love, Calm The Fear

So you’ve gathered positive energy and prepared mentally for success, and, with written S.M.A.R.T. goals in hand, you’re ready to go after the goals you want to realize this year!

What’s next?

In this moment, you feel energized for triumphant outcomes, however, you may also wonder, will you maintain your enthusiasm from start to finish?

Rest assured, you absolutely can!

Conscious Lifestyle

Set New Year’s Goals You Successfully Achieve, Part 2 of 3: How to Write S.M.A.R.T. Goals

The start of a New Year is great time to gather fresh energy and go after what you want in life. It’s a perfect occasion to reflect on your values and aspirations, your dreams and passions, and how you want your life and your relationships to be.

In the previous post, the emphasis was on approaching goal setting with a mindset for success—energized to believe in your capacity for triumphant outcomes in whatever you put your belief-empowered mindset to achieving. In the next, the focus will be on how to maintain your enthusiasm and momentum from start to finish.

The heart of the message in this post is: how to write goals that inspire you to absolutely achieve them.

Conscious Lifestyle

Set New Year’s Goals You Successfully Achieve, Part 1 of 3: A Fear Busting Mindset for Success

It’s that time of year again when there’s fresh inspiration to start anew, a great opportunity to re-energize your life with new possibilities for the success and happiness that await you in the coming year. The sky is the limit.

If you read my previous post on “How New Year’s Goals Give Life Direction,” you know this endeavor is a healthy one, highly recommended for its physical, mental and emotional benefits. Symbolically, it’s a good time to stretch out of an old comfort zone, make desired improvements at home or in your business, or replace a life draining habit with an enriching one, and that’s just for starters.

Couples Communication

Five Habits of Partners Who Enrich Their Marriage (And Brain, Without Knowing It)

Successful marriage partners know it’s not a matter of who’s right or wrong that solves issues in their relationship. A healthy vibrant relationship is a matter of knowing what works and what doesn’t—and consistent action.

Brain research now reveals why certain actions succeed and others fail. As it turns out, the specifics of “how” we treat one another makes a world of difference. It appears that certain actions “work” as they release Oxytocin into the bloodstream – a chemical that floods the body with feeling states of love, safety and connection.

In contrast, when the brain is in survival mode, the brain’s ability to use Oxytocin is impaired, thus, we do not feel safe enough to love or even open to learn from our experiences. (Is this why we keep making the same mistakes?)

Couples Communication

Ten Benefits of Healthy Couple Relationships

Research shows that partners who succeed in their love relationship have specific “emotional intelligence” skills that allow them to maintain an inner calm in conflict. This emotional mastery permits them to feel safe enough to remain present to their partner and the situation without setting off their own brain’s “fight or flee” defenses, which also effectively lowers chances of triggering their partner’s defenses.

The proven benefits are many and substantial. Evidence from neuroscience and studies on attachment and relationship intimacy suggests that skills that support the formation of healthy relationships may well be the singular most important asset in life.