As a mind game of sorts, defensiveness is deceptively destructive. It throws off the energy of the body — and when your heart is off balance, so are you. In survival mode, fear rules the body, and the brain shifts from learning mode to protective mode, thus, no longer open to influence or change.
An angry outburst, denial, blaming, lying, excuses, withdrawal, and the like, can provide rushes of power in the moment — cheap thrills, if you will. Yet these are costly when you consider their effects on your personal health and relationships.
Take heart. Change is possible. It has everything to do with applying certain Laws of Change to manage the energies of your heart.