4 thoughts on “7 Stellar Traits That Make Women Unwitting Sources of Narcissistic Supply

  • February 21, 2020 at 9:09 am

    why is this strictly about male narcissists? It makes it sound as if women can’t be narcissists and treat women in these very same ways. This post reads like it was written decades ago.

    Reply
    • February 23, 2020 at 5:42 pm

      Thanks for commenting, Kathy. Yes, female narcissists exist; they are comparatively fewer in number. The use of male pronouns is supported by decades of research showing that domestic violence (as well as sexual assault, rape, mass shootings, and other acts rooted in use of violence as tool of dominance, are not gender neutral. As mentioned in my notes, in my experience, female narcissists like male counterparts also self-identify with norms for “toxic masculinity” and might-makes-right values. In many cases women that are mislabeled narcissists are instead victims of a narcissist’s smear campaign; or “groomed” accomplices (another form of narcissistic abuse). See also post on 5 Reasons Narcissistic Violence Is Not Gender Neutral. Thanks for commenting. Best wishes,

      Reply
  • September 9, 2020 at 9:49 pm

    I think the article outlined the fact that women can be narcissists, too. I know; I’ve had several, and still am dealing with another, in my life. It’s the fact that the majority of narcissists are men, and what exactly they’re looking for in women, that the article attempts to clarify.

    It’s helped shed a lot of light in some grey areas for me. I’ve been burned by several people like this over time. They always made me feel as though I was the one getting everything wrong, and that I was essentially inferior and plainly asking to be treated in a certain way. I could never figure out the pattern, as I know I’m pretty intelligent, honorable, and kind. They treated me like I was crying out to be abused, when all the while I was simply trying to be a good human being, and fair.

    The chinks in their armor started to show when they would start to project their faults, sins, and flaws back onto me. It happened fastest when they felt they’d been caught red-handed, and cornered. It must have been very threatening to their little game, because they could be vicious and cruel on the turn of a dime.

    Then, when things cooled down, they would be profoundly apologetic and charming again, and assuring me I had gotten it all wrong. Or, they would engage in some serious sweeping-under-the-carpet, or austere minimizing of wrongs they had committed. That pattern, repeated over and over again, is what signaled their presence, and the futility of ever seeing them change, to me.

    The author of the article is right. As women, we need to guard our hearts and minds against exploitation by people like these. Refusing to become a victim is primary. Re-educating, maybe re-programming, and finally empowering yourself (trusting what your gut has been trying to tell you) are all crucial to staying free of these types.

    Thank you, Dr. Staik.

    Reply
    • October 5, 2020 at 7:51 am

      Thank you Liz, for your support and insights. It’s not easy for most persons to see that narcissism is not “certain persons” rather an traumatizing raising of boys that teaches them to deny as weakness and rage against their own and others’ human traits of kindness and caring, love and empathy, and teaches everyone is society to hold women accountable for their abuse (for the most part) and to excuse as “boys will be boys” abusive actions of men, regard violence of persons with “status” as entitlements. Together, men and women need to work to end this traumatization of our males from boyhood (and some females), training mind/body to identity with violent disregard of caring persons (thus “weak”) as “proof” of power and superiority.

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