22 thoughts on “15 Reasons Narcissists (and Sociopaths) Lie

  • April 4, 2018 at 7:05 am

    In light of the political climate in the world today this is a fascinating and informative piece. I would love to not only forward it in to many people but to see it reprinted widely. However, the plethora of grammar mistakes and poorly constructed sentences detract from the power and truth of the article.

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  • April 4, 2018 at 7:42 am

    Thank you for this comprehensive and understandable overview of the “darkness” that truly exists.
    I have struggled to understand but after reading this the dark cloud has lifted.
    As a naive and empathetic woman I have lived with this cloud overhead, and although I knew it was there, and fought to understand it, I did not..
    Thank you.

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    • April 4, 2018 at 8:38 am

      I hear ya.

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  • April 4, 2018 at 8:24 am

    Excellent article.
    Narcissist is just a devil in human form
    Narcissist never a happy ‘person’.Just pretend so that
    ‘he’ gets another prey.

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    • April 5, 2018 at 7:54 am

      Thanks for commenting, adamu. I find it more helpful to not portray narcissists as bigger than life monsters or “devils” . They once were innocent children, but were dehumanized by their socialization and traumatic experiences that taught them to hate the traits, such as empathy and caring, that make us all human — and to also hate and want to attack persons with those traits, for the most part, women and children, and other vulnerable populations, gay men for example. Thanks.

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      • January 15, 2019 at 2:00 pm

        but they are monsters and devils. regardless of how their life started, they have evolved into evil beings. lets not humanize something that isnt human.

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      • January 18, 2019 at 7:25 am

        The point here, Matt, is one’s own self care and peace of mind. To restore and heal from the effects of an entanglement with a narcissist, it is essential for one to take back their mind, thoughts, and thus to consciously think in ways that promote healing and feeling human again.

        Human beings are wired for empathic, caring, collaborative social relationships. This is now fact, reality, now backed by the recent advances in neuroscience and methods of studying the brain.

        Narcissists are lost in the lies and illusions they seek to cram into others minds. They deny themselves the fulfillment of being human and deriving meaning and happiness from collaboratively engaging with others and life. They would relish being labeled monsters, evil and such. They are addicted to feeling scorn and rage for others, and addicted to being hated by others.

        They live in misery, and misery loves company. They seek to spread lies that love and the beautiful human spirit are just fake, and some have financial means to war and spread their lies that human traits or being a caring human is “weak” and “unmanly” or “childish.”

        And thus, thinking of abusers using labels that activate our own fear- and survival-strategies inside would be playing into their traps. Don’t do it. Learn to think of abusers as pathetic, obsessed with power because they feel anxious and powerless 24/7, lost and driven from ever feeling a true sense of “power to create a better world for self and others,” misguided by their own lusts to hate and be hated, their obsession to prove their lies and illusions that callous monsters are “strong” whereas caring “humans” are weak, are not human, is a way to stay connected to one’s humanness. All the best…

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  • April 4, 2018 at 9:00 am

    Excellent summary of why Cluster B’s lie.
    My sister, who was the middle and golden child of the 3 children in our family, is 68 years old and a complete train wreck. She lies about everything and then asks you to lie for her to cover for her lies. She’s been married multiple times, quit her job that she spent 4 years in college for after 11 years, (now she’s claiming that she “retired” from that job. No you have to get 30 years in to “retire”. She behaves as a spoiled brat and if you don’t lie for her or do what she tells you to do, she stops speaking to you. She stopped speaking to her next door neighbor of 50 years over him turning around in her driveway where their driveways touch. She lives in a total fantasy world now all based on lies. I’ve been no contact for 3 years. I can’t stand talking to her fake persona. She is truly mentally ill. So sad!

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  • April 4, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Briefly, as one who has studied this very subject of narcissistic personality disorder, Dr.Staik seems to be describing President Donald J. Trump’s Malignant Narcissistic Personalty disorder which he displays daily; his is a good case history example I believe. Cordially, Robert W. Foy (wirhout credentials, as an autodidact).

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  • April 4, 2018 at 9:51 am

    The 15 points bang on. At 71 especially in business I have seen enough of them. They seem to move to the top quickly but are clueless in operations loving the perks and using others like slaves.
    We had one who when cornered to write down exactly what he was really saying he always turned on everyone and I quote ….” I don’t understand your ball position on the field”
    Well he got everyone off track.Eventually he ascended to President where the Pres. Of NA operations met with him and he tried these phrases on him. He lost. The company was sold all the employees lost. The one manager nearly lost a family member over it and got coloured ball and nevered worked again in his chosen area. It seems the lies are stronger than the truth and getting justice, losing one’s pension after 15 years of service really all at the hands of a narcissist who automatically had his 15 point answers to combat being to write it down because he could not.
    Once discovered they become hostile and seem to take as many down with them but survive always out of town when it happens or somewhere else surviving another day but attending the funeral.They love seeing others under they get stronger and thrive on it. They are right you are wrong.
    If you have one who only talks but does not produce fire or find a way to get him from poisoning the rest of the staff who just come to work to work. If anyone missed all this the word “ BULLY” is the first clue.

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  • April 4, 2018 at 10:09 am

    Well reading this after the NYT and WaPo this morning about the antics of the USA´s so-called president is interesting.

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  • April 4, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Harsh! But necessarily so. Sadly you have described my brother’s wife to a T. More people need to understand that the abuse they’re suffering isn’t their fault. I too wish this could be more widely disseminated. Great article, when the corrections are made I will be forwarding it to various family members. Thanks so much!

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  • April 4, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    This is more than I want to know about a narcissist. But it is helpful knowing they are always on and are constantly devising some kind of plan. I could see this was true with my husband but no one would believe it. It was easy to shoot down his accusations and lies but he was incessant with them. It certainly became draining at times. I’d often ask him where he got that stuff, that normal adults don’t bother with it because there are too many other things going on. It was like I was speaking a language he didn’t understand. He would say things like, “You planned it that way to punish me.” I’d answer WTH, who has time to do that? I guess he did. Good Lord, talk about wasting your life.

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  • April 4, 2018 at 8:29 pm

    I for one consider this post very informative and on point with the way human natured has developed such raw hatred of “what is truth”. Only I feel a little biased by the fact that all I saw was “he” and not “they”, this type of characteristic does not only fall on men but women as well. Yet, I do understand the fact that a narcissistic male has been more on the dominance venue in all areas where this post explained.

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    • April 5, 2018 at 7:36 am

      Thanks for commenting Sal. Yes there are women narcissists that exhibit similar behavior, mostly with their children. Overall my writings on this topic are a critique of this socialization of “dominance as norm in couple relationships” because this is valued in the socialization of men. Keep in mind this pattern is not easy to detect as there are persons that collude, out of loyalty, deeply bonded to serve the narcissist. There are also covert narcissists as well as overt. In domestic violence cases it’s relatively rare to find male partners that live in emotional terror as female partners. Also the pattern of blaming their victim and portraying them as the real evil and crazy one is a what NPDs and APDs do, in most every case. That means there many mislabeled women who act crazy because they were driven crazy by a covert narcissist. These norms harm men and their relationships, leaving them with wounded egos, fragile and hyper-vigilant in protecting their masculinity, as if this were a “real thing.” Also both men and women are traumatized by this pattern, as are children, with serious and enduring effects throughout their lives. No healthy person regardless of sex, age, color wants to be dominated; it’s one of the lies that accompanies oligarchic rule. Thanks for commenting!

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  • April 7, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    The narcissist is basically very selfish and does not consider the thoughts, needs and desires of other people. Their main mission is to derail the victim and keep them in a state of confusion. … I feel I was abused as a child by my parents but it did not produce a carbon copy of them and I have known others who were abused and they did not become narcissistic. I have known others who were not abused and they act like spoilt brats. There is a lot more to it that we do not know. Have we ever examined the structure of their brains to see if there are any abnormalities or is the mind separate from the brain. We are wired for love and the narcissistic is wired to control, capture and harm the victim.

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    • April 8, 2018 at 9:42 am

      Thanks for commenting Nisey. You make a good point. It’s safe to say the number of persons abused in childhood far outweigh the number that exhibit symptoms of psychopathology, or antisocial personality disorder.

      All infants are born with a capacity to cultivate empathy and compassion for self and others, however. Trauma alters the brain structures. Whether empathy is cultivated or blocked is the determining factor, a complex on, depending on multiple other factors.

      Trauma can distort our connection to empathy due to high levels of fear, depending on how the individual interprets their experience of trauma. The same neurochemical, oxytocin, that makes us feel both loved and safe. That means that if we don’t feel loved, we don’t feel safe, and vice versa.

      Each child however responds to trauma in unique ways. Our beliefs directly shape our experience, and trauma locks these into the memory cells of the brain and body with much intensity (fear).

      There are likely lifelong negative effects of abuse in childhood, however, children that give themselves permission to feel their pain are more likely to grow and take a healing path that leads them to have empathy and compassion, for example, to come to the conclusion that they would never want their own children to be abused as they were.

      What we must also factor in, in my opinion, is the distinct experience of trauma for boys versus girls, due to socialization and rigid gendered roles. Whereas girl children for the most part are socialized to feel their pain and others, it is taboo in our society for boys and men to feel pain. They are forced and shamed into proving they do not!

      Boys learn also that those with status do not feel pain, and they are expected to suppress their own empathic response. This is wounding and cruel to boys and men, and can lead boys to do things that put them and others at risk to prove masculinity. There is also a promise for boys that suppress their human response to empathize and care that, when they do, they will be rewarded with rights to dominate, and instill and victimize others with no remorse.

      No child is born with this belief, part of the might makes right value system. In my opinion, to the extent it is adopted, an individual’s experience of life and others and relationships is dehumanized. Thanks for commenting…

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  • April 12, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    There are many narcissists in every social group. From the poorest to the richest and in every race, there are narcissists. As some commentators noticed, this writing pointed to people in power and churches who keep others in bondage by telling them lies about themselves. This is certainly true in some cases but hardly every case. There is still so much to learn about this subject.

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    • April 13, 2018 at 1:27 pm

      Thanks for commenting Rena. The narcissists this article refers to are those persons who meet the criteria for narcissistic and, or antisocial personality disorder. Regardless whether the harm they cause on others ranges from low to severe, on the one hand, dating or domestic violence perpetrators and on the other hand mass shooters and cult leaders, in all cases, their distinct patterns are from the same mold, as if the same person! And in all cases they are unhealthy and unsafe to others around them — especially unsuspecting others — which is what makes this information critical to support others to know what to look for before being overly kind, giving and trusting with their hearts. Thanks again.

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  • June 25, 2018 at 10:17 am

    This article is excellent. The thing about narcissism and lying, is that narcissist rarely if ever consider how their message is being received. There are functioning narcs that understand how to read people, but most of the Ns that I;ve come across, are crazy. They say ridiculous lies, until they are ridiculed and harassed.

    Lying just points out the persons TRUE character. And then the tables are turned, and the other person has power over THEM. {because they know more}

    Intelligence tells us, the nuances of a situation, and not everything is black and white. That is why generalities that the globe perpetuates, {women weak, man strong for example} really dont mean anything or have a context, in particular situations.

    I dated a guy that turned out to be misogynistic, and I felt like he was competing with me, and ultimately ended the relationship as the whole ordeal was draining. He would say something ridiculous, usually a generality about women, but then, he would get upset, when the details proved otherwise.

    Domination and stupidity is not a long term solution, but Ns can trick themselves over the short hall, {and then they end up in jail, and or bankrupt, and or divorced, and or alienated and banished.

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  • October 16, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    I find that your choice of words to describe what a narcissist believes is a perfect cover for a physician who is already considered “like a God to patients”, superior, etc. This makes it difficult for the healthcare workers to work with a physician who is also a narcissist. I witnessed this fact while working in a clinic where employees’ discussions about patients with the physician were disregarded for the most part. The MD would find ways to blame an employee for not knowing something he felt was important about the patient. His thoughts, ideas, and prescribed orders were not to be questioned. If anything he did was questioned, he made sure he proved you wrong, embarrassed you in front of others, and went to great lengths to tell you how to do your job and exactly what he expected as results. He was especially harder on women employees.If the results he expected were not achieved, his anger became elevated in front of others with words that were unbecoming of a MD. I had to leave this job at the request of my husband since he realized it was too stressful and not worth the emotional pain. The longer I worked there, the more he preyed on me so I resigned.

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  • October 16, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    I would also like to add to my previous comment that administration stood up for this physician because it is unethical and inappropriate behavior to disrespect a physician. I was the one targeted by this MD and those I reported to were duped into his lies. I was the one who was in trouble and had employee discipline on occasion for speaking up. The worst part is none of us ever suspected he was a narcissist. So he continues to be a MD in good standing, shows no empathy for his patients, does not listen to them when they express that they have a concern about their illness, and does nothing about it. He walks away from them, spends little to no time with patients and continues to spread his lies undercover as a physician who receives the utmost respect of all employees and administration. Other physicians in the community are not so trusting of him and realize he is what he is and that he is not a physician with his best interest in the patients. They say he is only a doctor for the pursuit of wealth and status.

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