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Archives for Couples Communication

Conscious Lifestyle

7 Questions to Deepen Your Conversations and Relationship, 2 of 2


Continuing from Part 1, here are four more key questions that invite couples to deepen their relationship and conversations. The questions were adapted from an article by inspirational poet, David Whyte, titled 10 Questions That Have No Right to Go Away.

The four questions are as follows:
4. Do I know how to be present in the moment, yet also remain connected to what I've learned from past experiences ... as...
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Conscious Lifestyle

7 Questions to Deepen Your Conversations and Relationship, 1 of 2

An inspiring poet and lecturer in areas, among others, of psychology and business leadership, David Whyte notes in his article, 10 Questions, that certain questions, the ones that have to do with the person we are becoming, should be held dear to our heart, as much or more than good answers.

Why? Because questions guide the internal conversations we have with ourselves, and others, and thus not only shape our identity, but also our behavior patterns...
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Addictive Relating

3 Secrets to Outsmarting a Narcissist (By Not Trying to)


Is it possible to outsmart a narcissist? Perhaps, but only if you're willing to downgrade your standards to act like one.

Admittedly, this post began with a trick question! The point was to say, first, why would you want to? And also, that taking that approach can be trap! This post explains why.

The narcissist has a wounded ego, and the suffering they cause is a projection of the inner suffering and wounds they avoid. Their greatest fear is to...
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Addictive Relating

7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Attracting a Narcissist

It's only natural, after experiencing a relationship with a narcissist, to want to avoid another.

So what best guarantees a relationship will not turn into a dance of codependency and narcissism?

In part, success has to do with identifying certain red flags that help you understand what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is, a few secret insights into a narcissist's worldview, and what codependency traits unwittingly supply energy to narcissism.

What best repels another dance with narcissism, however, has to do with developing and healing yourself, and...
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Addictive Relating

The Root Causes of Codependency and Narcissism?


There's an elephant in the room of our conversations on codependency and narcissism, and pretending the elephant is not there has proven costly to our health and wellbeing as individuals, and thus also to the couple and family relationships, even the communities and societies we form.

The costs are high because, as human beings, our biological needs far extend mere physical needs to survive! Indeed, we are wired with core social yearnings, needs not wants, to matter in meaningful ways to life in and...
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Addictive Relating

Codependency and Narcissism: 10 Similar-Yet-Distinct Patterns

On the surface the dance of narcissism and codependency seems to be between two complete opposites; and, in many ways, they are. To see what's really happening in a couple relationship with these dynamics, however, it helps to look at 10 similar yet distinct patterns in their dance steps.

An awareness of these patterns gives us a glimpse of what is really going on to keep both addicted, and stuck repeating the same old dance...
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Addictive Relating

What Draws Partners to a Dance of Codependency and Narcissism?


The dance of codependency and narcissism begins when two opposite, distinctly off-balance behavior patterns, attract one another.

At first, it seems a perfect union.

When they pair up, initially, there is an illusion of a dance team that would put Fred and Ginger on the sidelines. Each feels they’ve found a suitable dance partner that most promises to help them realize the fulfillment they each seek from the relationship, that is: to feel worthy and alive.

While these innermost yearnings are realistic and healthy, their expectations...
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Addictive Relating

The Neuroscience of Divisive Labels: One Poet’s Protest — “I’m NOT Black, You are NOT White”


Really moved by this video clip (on Oprah's network OWN) of a poem, I Am NOT Black, You Are NOT White by Prince Ea (a spoken word artist who is drawing millions of visitors, with his rap on topics of  social relationships, politics, environment, and life in general).

While an invitation to "not see race" is typically a position associated with the group promoting status quo (hierarchical) relations, in this spoken masterpiece, Prince Ea brings us a fresh perspective on labels, reflecting on their intentional use...
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Addictive Relating

20 Situations in Which a Man Tends to “Gaslight” a Woman (To Get Her to Think She’s Crazy)


It's not usual for a woman to hear the words "you're crazy" from the man in her life.

Don't believe it for a moment, says Yashar Ali in a recent article, A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not “Crazy."

Of course most women know it's not “crazy" to want closeness or to express hurt feelings, at least deep down; it's refreshing however to read an article by a guy talking about his own past use of "gaslighting"...
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Addictive Relating

Stonewalling, What Makes It Similar Yet Distinct From Gaslighting? 1 of 2

Stonewalling shares some common ground with gaslighting.

Both are effective in blocking healthy communication, in particular, the sense of emotional safety and connection necessary that each person in the communication needs to deepen their mutual understanding of one another, in order to strengthen their relationship.

It's in their intent that they distinctly differ. Stonewalling is a learned defensive or protective strategy. In general, the person who stonewalls is using a learned albeit ineffective way of expressing intense emotions to a loved one, which...
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