Love is an ongoing process of living deeply,, unquestionably the most profound of all human experiences that brings meaning to our lives. A couple relationship is a unique balancing act, in which two separate beings agree to engage their power, as partners, ideally to mindfully grow the capacity of each to love and recognize, honor and nurture the presence of both self and the other — as both are works of works of art in the making.
When we feel genuine love for another, we yearn to see and know who they are and may become; simarly, we also yearn to be seen and known by the other. Love is a two way street. A tango; requiring two. A couple relationship can only strengthened, made vibrant when both partners tend to their part, to nurture own and other’s growth and wellbeing.
A narcissist refuses, rejects, disdains such endeavors, indeed, feels scorn for persons that do.
This makes them not capable of love, at least not human love. A narcissist self-identifies by their refusal to engage or do “real” things that grow and nurture emotional intimacy, tender exchanges, mutual empowerment.
Narcissism is a love deficit, a mind and body state of existence that a narcissist has been tricked to believe somehow — not engaging or feeling inner human processes — proves he is superior, with entitlements over others.
In his mind, people are objects to either manipulate or be manipulated by. As a result, his behaviors are mostly driven by the “get them before they get you” mindset he holds, which keeps him on guard (to zealously protect his ‘perceived” power and status regardless the costs to others).
What a narcissist means when they say “I love you” differs dramatically from what we expect from human beings, however imperfect, are wired to have inner yearnings to love and be loved, connect whole heartedly. It’s how humans derive meaning in life.
“Love” to a narcissist is about objects and sex and power. Love to a narcissist is also about hoarding pleasure and inflicting pain to stay in control. He relishes orchestrating chaos and keeping pursue-withdraw conflict alive in relationships. He strategizes to separate his victims to that they have no contact between family members; and covert narcissists in particular, are highly skilled at hiding and shifting blame onto those they prey on. They train both their victims and accomplices alike to collude with them.
Not wanting to see or believe or even consider this reality — that a narcissist is not capable of genuine love exchanges — is the main factor that keeps women stuck in toxic relationships.
So is it love? Or narcissistic illusion?
There are at least 5 ways to know. Today’s post is in the form of poetry!
If His Love Were Real — And Not Narcissism