Home » Blogs » Neuroscience and Relationships » 3 Steps to Resonate (and Manifest) Your Dreams and Aspirations

3 Steps to Resonate (and Manifest) Your Dreams and Aspirations

images-725Thoughts are energies that are positively or negatively charged. By shifting your thoughts to what you want (instead of lack), you shift your energy from negative to positive, and thus, to an energy vibration that resonates with what you want to attract in your life.

Positive thoughts and feeling states align you to your authentic self, your higher self, a constant source of authentic power within you.

The more blissful your feelings, the more you are aligned with who you really are.

There is a distinct difference between the infinite possibilities of the inner perfection of your emotional yearnings for what you want in your life and relationships — as opposed to the limited outer physical manifestations of your desires, which are alway, always imperfect in some way. What you focus on matters. It’s great to have clarity on what you want, however, an imbalanced weight on outcomes, can put you at risk of constantly checking, getting upset or discouraged, on one hand, and making “the perfect” the enemy of the good, on the other.

Additionally, if you remain in states of tension for long periods of time, these states get reinforced and become habitual emotion-command neural pathways, and in key moments in life you need your capacity to thoughtful responses versus automatic reactions. These “programmed” states can take over and become self-perpetuating prophecies by controlling your imagination. You don’t want that. Why? Because imagination seems to operate as a powerful working space of sorts for what your subconscious mind thinks you want to create in the future. If your subconscious mind is anything, it is a genie of sorts that is ever in ready mode, declaring, “Your wish is my command.”

Thus, when you get upset and then opt to stay upset (versus shift), wittingly or unwittingly, you are opting to to use the power of your imagination to focus on what you lack, instead of shifting to the vision of what you most aspire. If you do not shift away from life draining states, you risk getting stuck in upsetting thoughts about the imperfect results that, instantly, change your vibration from positive to negative.

The key is to maintain your inner enthusiasm, your energy so to speak, regardless that your senses observe unfavorable outcomes, obstacles, challenges, setbacks, and so on.

If addictive black and white thinking patterns prevail, it likely means you are not tuned into your emotions, and instead using protective strategies, such as withdrawal, denial, angry outbursts, etc., to avoid feeling what is painful. This can be a costly mistake because the most accurate indicators of what we “really” want, feel, etc., are our behaviors.

Emotions are the most accurate indicators of where you are at any given time in relation to your core yearnings, wants and aspirations. Painful emotions in particular tell you that there is an obstacle between where you are and want to be, which is most often, at least in part, something that you can control, such as  thinking thoughts that move you away from rather than closer to where you want to be.

Since behaviors are shaped by emotions, your behavior patterns are also accurate information of where you are at present in relation to where you want to be. If you think you do not know what you want at present, look to your behaviors. do not like what we have at present, our behaviors  to guide you from where you are to where you want to go.

Behaviors are clear manifestations of what you are saying you want to attract or increase.

The key to happiness and joy is not waiting for it to arrive at the end of a journey to achieve your goals or upon achieving some milestone. Joy and happiness are the way. You need them on your journey. Your ability to feel joy, at will, regardless the circumstances in your life is your only guarantee that you will experience joy once you achieve a particular goal. Enjoy each journey to your goals. Happiness is the way. Stop waiting for something to happen before you can be happy! You do not take a vacation to get it done. You take it to enjoy it. Similarly, see all of your life and your different ventures toward your goals as mini-vacations. Life is a journey, and the journey is called life.

Realizing what you aspire to become or experience in life is a three step process.

1. Ask clearly for what you want.

The first step is to ask for what you want, clearly identifying what you want, as well as what you do not want. The principle of life that operates here is “Ask and you will receive it.”

This step sets the direction, and gives you a laser beam focus on your goals. You can determine and accept where you are at present in relation to where you want to be, and to make a distinction between what you think you want and what you really want.  If you do not have what you want, and you have been wanting and perhaps working on getting what you want for some time, it is likely because you are not vibrating with the feelings of what you want, and instead of what you do not.

Your senses are always giving you objective data on what is going on around you. If you stay focused on what you have at present, you are wasting the powers of your imagination to maintain the current circumstances. Words create pictures in your mind. Pictures cause emotions. Emotions cause behaviors. If you focus on what you lack, you are using your inner power of imagination to cause pictures in your mind that in turn cause fear-based emotions. Your behaviors will align with your thoughts, emotions, imagination. Instead, you can use the power of your imagination to become the vibrational match for what you want. Thus you must be a vibrational match for what you want.

Safe to say, the major obstacle to happiness and fulfillment is habits of fault-finding, harsh judgments, negative forecasts, and the like. Why? Within you are yearnings to love and be loved, seen and appreciated, recognized and valued for who you are. When you find fault in your self and life, you create resistance.  When you focus your thoughts on what you lack, you create resistance.

The same occurs when you find fault with others, it creates resistance in them, as well as resistance in you in relation to them. Have you ever noticed that you tend to be kinder to people outside your immediate family? Why? Because deep down, you know that others will put obstacles in your way (resist you) to the extent that you mistreat them.

This explains why there is often so much resistance and tension in our closest relationships. We have been conditioned to take them for granted, use shame, fear or guilt inducing comments as if they “work” to solve issues, and not notice that our actions are part of the problem, instead of the solution.

When you look for reason to appreciate yourself and others instead, you and others live in the integrity of who you really are.

2. Check and make any necessary changes to your beliefs.

The second step is to identify what you believe about the possibility of achieving what you want, ensuring your beliefs are aligned with what you want to achieve. The life principle that operates here is that “Whatever you believe is what you achieve.”

Your beliefs set parameters that can limit your emotional resonance, and thus also, your imagination and possibility thinking. This step ensures your inner vibrational energy is aligned with what you really want. Since, by design, you naturally gravitate toward what causes pleasant sensations inside you, or what makes you feel good about yourself and your life—and simultaneously move away from what causes unpleasant sensations inside you, this step allows you to consciously use the power of your choices to say and unequivocally choose what you believe, what produces those feel good feelings inside, so that you can take charge of the direction of your life. Otherwise, your subconscious mind that does no thinking of its own will stay in charge and make choices that keep you doing what it has been deceived into thinking is in your highest interest—simply because you have trained it to think you need this or that to feel okay, to feel worthwhile, to restore your sense of emotional safety.

So, you can exercise your power in this step to consciously choose to set your thoughts and beliefs on what will bring you pleasurable sensations associated with what you really want—and do so feeling the pleasure and gratitude as if you already have what you want. When you do, you are consciously choosing to use your power to resonate with positive feeling states that say, “Yes! I really do desire and deserve and appreciate having this quality or person and so on in my life!”

You cannot attract prosperity if your thoughts and feelings are focused on lack. You cannot nurture the relationship you want if your thoughts and feelings are focused on what you lack. Coach yourself to shift at will to vibrate positively with what you want.

There is nothing you cannot be. You cannot be what you aspire however if you get stuck in limiting beliefs that specify what you think you have to have first. This causes stagnation.

You have the power inside to choose to energize the thinking-feeling states that vibrationally match what you want. You cannot attract the health, vitality, trim and fit body, mutually enriching relationships you want if you remain stuck in feeling states produced by your sense data. You cannot get money if you feel lack of it. Coach yourself into vibrational alignment with what you want.

 3. Let your actions be purpose-driven.

The third step is to identify the reasons you want what you want, based on your values, why this is so important for you.

This step energizes you with the momentum you need to sustain your enthusiasm for achieving your goals from start to finish. You also need to sustain momentum for those inevitable obstacles you will face on the journey to achieving your goals.  As you are inspired by the desire of what you value, once you allow it, you may want to begin to teach others how to get it; however if you feel “bad” that others have not figured it out, this will change your vibrational match.

The intensity of your desires determines the speed with which you get what you want. However the intensity often is matched by obstacles in the way. And obstacles are a form of resistance. To remain a vibrational match for what you aspire to create especially when it is uncomfortable to do so, you must develop your capacity for and appreciate of discomfort or pain as essential aspects of growth (especially growing out of stuck places…).

Look for reasons to feel good about your life … even or especially in challenging moments. And feel it, see it, smile … do not just pretend. Instead, say to yourself “I’m going to reach for a feeling good thought. I’m wired for health and happiness.”

There are several paths that energize optimal flow energy. Meditation is a great way to align mind and body, and reduce resistance. Practicing gratitude increases a sense of connection to life from within. Spending time outside in nature, observing the wonders, can be one of the most enjoyable ways to reach feel-good state of mind and body.

Are your wants, beliefs, values aligned?

The solutions, answers and power to create the blueprint life and relationships you desire are all inside of you waiting to be awakened and accessed. You can think and speak, feel and allow what you want to come to you by what you consciously set your mind on that you want, believe and value.

Many use words or affirmations and expect them to work. Words (thoughts) alone however do not produce energy that sets your plans into motion, however. If you believe you are just saying these words and that there is no way you will have what you want, then, guess what? You will be right.

Is that what you really want, however? The feel-good of being right about your prediction? The feel-good of proving another wrong?

As you decide to become a more deliberate and conscious creator of your life, you will be amazed by the power you have inside, accessing your ability to shift from one feeling state to another simply by willing it into being, then allowing it to flow.




3 Steps to Resonate (and Manifest) Your Dreams and Aspirations

Athena Staik, Ph.D.

Relationship consultant, author, licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Athena Staik motivates clients to break free of anxiety, emotion reactivity, and other addictive patterns, to awaken wholehearted relating to self and other. She is currently in private practice in Northern VA, and writing her book, What a Narcissist Means When He Says 'I Love You'": Breaking Free of Addictive Love in Couple Relationships. To contact Dr. Staik for information, an appointment or workshop, visit, or visit on her two Facebook fan pages DrAthenaStaik and DrStaik

2 comments: View Comments / Leave a Comment



APA Reference
Staik, A. (2014). 3 Steps to Resonate (and Manifest) Your Dreams and Aspirations. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 4, 2020, from


Last updated: 26 Apr 2014
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network ( prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on All rights reserved.