Ah, the good old days. If only I could go back and relive those moments. Nothing will ever be as good as that time with my friends as a teenager, the holidays with my family, or playing in the backyard as a child, chasing my dog. Or many other moments in the past that I wish I could revisit. I wish I could rewind the movie of my life and be there again, as if for the first time, but this time to "know then what I know now." How I wouldn't take it for granted this time. How I'd be aware with every passing moment how special each moment actually is and was, and truly cherish them in the moment this time around.
In my practice, I have been using the comprehensive method I created for helping people overcome fear of flying -- the Balanced Flying Method™ -- for almost a full decade now. It was originally inspired from my own previous fear of flying, and later developed more fully based on my years of training as a psychotherapist. While the method saw positive results from the start, It has achieved a much higher rate of success than I could have envisioned at the beginning.
One of my specialties in my practice is working with people who struggle with various forms of anxiety, including social anxiety. And it's a consensus that small talk is a thorn in most people's sides. Small talk is something that has the appearance of being easy -- and some people do master the art of small talk over time to where navigating it can become second nature. However, there are reasons that small talk is often difficult and anxiety-inducing for many people.
We live in a world where instant (and constant) gratification seems to be the demand. We want responses to texts and emails immediately. We can watch TV without commercials, watch an entire series without delay, and press pause were we to ever be in danger of missing a minute. We can pull out our phone and go shopping the moment we realize we want or need something. In many cases, we can have things delivered to us, even on the same day we place an order.
'Grass is Greener' Syndrome is no joke. People often regard this issue with a quick wave of the hand -- "Oh, you always think the grass is greener on the other side." However, for people who struggle with this issue, it is incredibly stressful and taxing, mentally and emotionally. It tends to wreak havoc in various areas of people's lives, especially in relationships, career, the choice of where to live, and other areas as well.
Grass is Greener Syndrome (GIG) is a complicated issue. What is understood and experienced as GIG Syndrome is actually the larger symptom of an underlying process that has been building for some time. It's generally a combination of separate issues coming together to create a larger scale problem. I am a therapist in New York City, and coach people long distance all over the world on overcoming and managing GIG Syndrome. In my experience, there's a lot to say about the complexity of this issue, of which only a piece can be addressed in this post (see The Grass is Greener Syndrome for a previous article).
One of the four main components of the fear of flying coaching method I developed almost a decade ago -- the Balanced Flying Method -- takes a look at the 'underlying' emotions that are likely to be contributing to each person's anxiety surrounding flying. The underlying causes vary from one person to the next, as the mind and body carry the emotional weight of past events. The emotional impact of these events is often dissociated from consciousness, which makes the emotions even more powerful when they're triggered in the present.
Fear of flying is a complicated phobia. One of the most difficult parts of overcoming fear of flying is allowing the possibility of having a different experience of flying. The people I work with in my psychotherapy and coaching practice often start our work struggling with detaching themselves from their previous associations to flying. Inside their minds, they have seen their worst nightmare play out many times. The story has already been written, as far as they're concerned. They are simply waiting for reality to catch up.
Anxiety really does suck. Ask anyone going through the difficulties of being invaded by anxiety. It sucks the life out of you. I've seen many people in my practice who come in struggling with the effects of anxiety -- the chronic worrying, rumination, difficulty slowing down physiologically and/or mentally, trouble socializing in many cases, difficulty with focus, migraines and headaches, irritable bowel flare ups, trouble sleeping, or falling asleep too early often, and more. By the time the day is done, they are exhausted, partially from their day, and then even further just from the mental and physical gymnastics that anxiety brings.
...To do things you don't want to do. I'm sure everyone has had these moments from time to time, at least. Whether it's a project or task for work, paper or studying for school, cleaning or organizing at home, or dealing with any other range of burdensome responsibilities you don't want to deal with, the procrastination bug sets in and getting started on anything at all feels daunting and overwhelming. So, what are some ways to create motivation for something that you have really little desire to do in the first place?