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If You Think Marriage Counseling Is Too Expensive, Try Divorce

This one is for people who think that it’s better to wait until things get really bad before getting into marriage counseling. This is not a good idea. The time to go is sooner rather than later. The earlier one gets beneficial help, the cheaper, in terms of pain and dollars, the cost.

The average couple that seeks marriage counseling experiences difficulties for six years prior to making the call.

John Gottman, the author of How Marriages Succeed and Fail, said in a workshop that the average couple that seeks marriage counseling experiences difficulties for six years prior to making the call! Unfortunately for all too many of them, at this point it’s too late and the goodwill and caring that were present in the early stages of their relationship have eroded beyond repair. All that remains is to declare the marriage dead and give it a proper burial. When asked why they waited so long, a large percentage of these couples claimed that they felt they couldn’t afford therapy and hoped that things would eventually improve on their own.

This is the same kind of naive thinking that leads small children to believe that if they close their eyes, no one can see them. Not only do problems fail to disappear when we ignore them; generally they get worse. The sooner we get the help we need, the more quickly we can resolve things. In considering the difference in cost between a messy and drawn-out divorce and a typical period of marriage therapy, there’s no comparison!

Get help early

The sooner you get good help, the more quickly things can begin to turn around. The longer you stay entrenched in unproductive patterns, the more stuck you get and the longer it takes to become free of them. More important, the risk of reaching the point of giving up on the marriage grows with every day of unresolved pain. Doing all that you can do on your own to strengthen your marriage is always the first step, and it’s often the last one. It’s just as important, however, to be able to recognize when your best efforts are insufficient to heal a breakdown. It’s likely that you’ve reached that point if repeated attempts to improve things continually result in frustration, pain, and/or resentment. If it becomes evident that your best efforts aren’t working, run don’t walk, to a good marriage counselor!

There is, of course, no guarantee that getting counseling will cure what ails your marriage, but it definitely improves the odds, particularly if you can catch things in the early stages. Whatever it costs to get free from the impasses that all relationships occasionally experience, it is much cheaper in terms of money, health, and spirit to pay up front rather than after the final breakdown. Getting help when you need it might be the biggest bargain of your life!

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If You Think Marriage Counseling Is Too Expensive, Try Divorce


Bloomwork

Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at: www.Bloomwork.com


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APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2019). If You Think Marriage Counseling Is Too Expensive, Try Divorce. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 21, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2019/12/if-you-think-marriage-counseling-is-too-expensive-try-divorce/

 

Last updated: 12 Dec 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.