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Lust Part 2: Heating it Up

Linda: For some of us, our work is cooling lust down. For others of us, it’s bringing lust up from the depths of the shadow, to rejoice in it. For those of us, that have placed Aphrodite, or Eros Man in the dark shadow and kept them there, there is homework for the soul to do, to call forth that juicy, playful, and lusty energy.

To know the part of the self that is on the edge of our zone of comfort, we may need to see that part of ourselves projected on another. Especially if we have aversion to the lusty lady, or the lusty man in another, it’s a sure bet that we are keeping some of our own wildness locked up. To find a pet name such as Lulu, Bon-bon, or Tantra Man can assist those who may be recovering from some shaming from institutional religion, family conditioning, former relationships, or even this present relationship that harmed the sexual vitality, before it evolved into a more conscious free relationship. We can discover that we can bring this part of ourselves out without causing harm to ourselves or anyone else.

Lack of or a low sexual desire is the most common sexual challenge, about which physicians hear numerous complaints. Doctors and psychotherapists call this Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). This syndrome is defined as a lack of desire for sexual activity and an absence of sexual fantasies, accompanied by distress about having low desire. In many cases, low libido happens for no apparent physical reason to people who are perfectly healthy. And it happens to people who have a good relationship with their spouse.

The National Health and Social Life Survey with The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago conducted a survey in 1992. They studied 3,400 adults between the ages of 18 and 59 years that were English speaking men and women residing in the United States. Of this group, they found that 32 percent of women and 15 percent of men lacked sexual interest for several months within the last year. That’s a lot of sexually inactive and sexually deprived people.

Fatigue, poor communication, birth control pills, menopause, family problems and stress, aging, depression, anxiety, and past trauma are the common areas of investigation to see where the root of the problem lies. Of course it is important to have regular medical check-ups with your physician. But the vast majority of these low desire individuals are perfectly healthy, with no medical cause for their low desire rates. There are other areas that also need attention, like making sexual pleasure a high priority and giving it the time and attention that it deserves. If you will remember back to the definition in the first paragraph, you will notice “absence of sexual fantasies.” People are not using their imaginations to set a context for their desired pleasure to unfold.

Instead of worrying about low sex drive, if we want to perk it up, we can stop waiting for a prescription for a magic pill to restore our libido, we can become proactive to harness the powers of our imagination. Since the most erogenous zone is the one between our ears, our splendid imagination, we can bring images to mind that will stimulate an erotic mood. For thousands of years, the archetypal images of Aphrodite and Dionysus have been spirit guides to those who want to unleash their erotic potential. Invoking their presence and calling out to them for assistance may be just the ticket.

Getting to know these characters will bring out the wild erotic man and woman that has been repressed by society’s need to control our natural instincts. Without a strong intention, we can lose our connection to the instinctual world of our libido. We don’t have to quake in fear of getting so wild that we are out of control that we do things that are completely out of character. We do have choice and influence over how much erotic energy we unleash. A little experimentation around bringing these two powerful figures into our lives will often bring the heat right up. Why not get to know them better?

To have the sexual energy burst on the scene can be a mixed blessing. While we may rejoice in it’s appearance, it can be threatening to self and our partner, to have such a powerful energy force unleashed. It is a labor of love to make room for the excitement and demands of lust that is finally freed. Much care and respect must be paid to the lover that comes to take her and his rightful place in the relationship.

Experimentation, leaving old sexual patterns behind to create new vital ones is the order of the day. Invoking the presence of these sub-personalities can bring revitalizing energy to a relationship that has become stagnant and dry.I hope these words make you wonder, “In what ways could I prompt the Eros man and Eros woman within me to come out to play?”


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Lust Part 2: Heating it Up


Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at:

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APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2019). Lust Part 2: Heating it Up. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2020, from


Last updated: 21 Aug 2019
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