advertisement
Home » Blogs » Building Relationship Skills » An Antidote to Anxiety, To Be Fully Loved

An Antidote to Anxiety, To Be Fully Loved

“One of the most powerful vaccinations against anxiety is to know that you are fully loved.” ~Sheryl Paul in the The Wisdom of Anxiety

LindaLarge numbers of people live with the daily challenge of struggling with anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of dread or foreboding associated with a danger that does not exit in the present moment. The anxiety shows up in the forms or worry, intrusive thoughts, obsessions, insomnia, compulsive behaviors and symptoms in the body.

A small percentage of those who suffer with anxiety have full-blown panic attacks. The vast majority has a lesser, but still vitality sapping chronic form of anxiety. They project an image to the world that they are confident, hiding their anxiety in shame. But behind that bravado is insecurity, with negative internal messages like “You’re broken. You’re not up the task. You’re bad and wrong. You’re weak. You’re not smart enough. You are fundamentally damaged. Don’t even bother to try, you’re going to fail.”

When we have a contract with a partner to use the relationship to become a more loving person, we come out of hiding from behind the image to be real with each other. Then the process of diluting the intensity of anxiety begins in earnest. We come to understand that we are all such a mixed bag, having both our signature strengths and weak suits. We have great accomplishments and our magnificent failures. We are made up of our golden wonderfulness and our dark shadow. This applies to all of us from the most successful, accomplished, wealthiest and the most enlightened, and those who appear ordinary, or even those who don’t live up to society’s expectations. The common denominator is that we all long for-love.

Finally having our exquisite sensitivity met with gentleness, we begin to relax. When another meets our fear, sadness, loneliness, anger and disappointment with loving-kindness, that acceptance inspires us to make room for all of our feelings rather than hide them. With daily practice of meeting our own inner thoughts and feelings with curiosity and wonder rather than shame, fear, and hatred, we evolve to recognize ourselves as adequate to meet the challenges of our life. Then our anxiety levels go down.

Loving As Is and Being Loved As Is

We want to be loved with our flaws and our greatness. Those of us who manage to experience being loved “as is” have well-being that others do not have a chance to enjoy. In the experience of being loved with our imperfections, we are empowered to give love to others as they are. The practice of loving fully is a positive cycle. When we give our love to another, well aware of their imperfections, that spaciousness allows us to become more self-accepting and self-loving.

We all long love to be loved as is.

It is a mighty practice to notice when we are reluctant to give our love because we have aversion or reactivity to something that the other person has said or done. In that moment of choice, if we give love instead of withholding it, we are moving along the path to becoming a great lover. There are extreme circumstances where this practice would not be wise. If the relationship is characterized by physical or emotional abuse, the only skillful choice is to remove yourself from harm’s way. But most circumstances are not that severe. It is only ordinary garden-variety resistance that keeps abundant love from flowing freely.

Lowering anxiety leads to many more benefits:

  • Helps me to feel accepted exactly like I am
  • Rather than encouraging complacency, it inspires me to be more of who I can be
  • Prompts me to a higher level of responsibility
  • Allows me to feel abundant so I have more to contribute
  • Challenges me to grow and develop more of myself
  • Brings forth my potential, my best self
  • Allows me to experience peace of mind
  • Gives me a full soul tank so that I work in a more focused and efficient way
  • Encourages me to take risks trusting that I have a safe haven to return to
  • Helps me feel safe in a challenging world
  • Helps me accept my imperfections
  • Builds self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Allows me to feel securely bonded
  • Propels me to pass on the love to all those whose lives I touch

The practice of consistently giving and receiving love is mighty force. The compassion that we bring to our so-called flaws and those of others opens up a new world of expansive freedom. When we formalize an agreement that we will be real and authentic with each other, we show our tender underbelly. By being completely vulnerable, the love that pours in is what lowers the anxiety. We relax into who we truly are, healed by being fully loved. Don’t take my word for it. Look to your own experience to discover what is true for you.


We’re giving away 3 e-books absolutely free of charge. To receive them just click here. You’ll also receive our monthly newsletter.

Be sure to follow us on Facebook and don’t miss our Facebook Live presentations every Thursday at 12:30 pm PST.

An Antidote to Anxiety, To Be Fully Loved

Bloomwork

Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at: www.Bloomwork.com


No comments yet... View Comments / Leave a Comment

 

 

APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2019). An Antidote to Anxiety, To Be Fully Loved. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2019/02/2864/

 

Last updated: 14 Feb 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.