Intimacy requires a conscious intention to make space in our busy lives for the experience. There is, after all a finite amount of time in each day and intimate experiences do occur in time and space. Unless we recognize the importance of including intimacy in our lives, that is, seeing it as an essential ingredient in the establishment of a high sense of well-being, we will be unlikely to give it the value that it deserves.
If we don’t sufficiently value it, it will continue to be assigned a lower status on our priority scale. If it is on our ‘optional’ list, rather than on our required list, the chances are wewill fail to allocate adequate time for intimacy. If for any reason, we have some resistance to intimacy, we’ll tend to give it even less time and put it on a lower rung on the priority ladder.
If we wait for emotional intimacy to occur spontaneously, there may be long periods of time between intimate contacts. It’s possible to influence the frequency of these connections by being intentional about creating the conditions that give rise to intimacy. It is easy to fall into the patterns of being roommates, business partners, and co-parents. Many neglect the lovers aspect of their relationship to their detriment. Keeping love alive over the years requires a willingness to be creative and committed to refreshing and revitalizing our relationship on an ongoing basis.
Creating an intentional intimate connection starts with making the decision to have an intimate contact and then making an agreement with our partner to create it. The type of connection in which we make could be verbal, non-verbal, physical, sexual, non-sexual or some combination of the above.
Intimacy can be playful, not just when new lovers are getting to know each other, but even with partners who have been together for decades. It’s our view that if people could recognize the true value and benefit of intimate experiences to their relationships, they would raise their priority for intimacy to the highest rungs on the ladder. They would rearrange their priorities even if that meant redirecting some of the time and energy that they give to other areas, such as work, TV, time spent on electronic devices and time spent engaged in activities that don’t provide the degree of fulfillment and enrichment that deep, meaningful connection does.