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Intentional Intimacy

Intimacy requires a conscious intention to make space in our busy lives for the experience. There is, after all a finite amount of time in each day and intimate experiences do occur in time and space. Unless we recognize the importance of including intimacy in our lives, that is, seeing it as an essential ingredient in the establishment of a high sense of well-being, we will be unlikely to give it the value that it deserves.

If we don’t sufficiently value it, it will continue to be assigned a lower status on our priority scale. If it is on our ‘optional’ list, rather than on our required list, the chances are wewill fail to allocate adequate time for intimacy. If for any reason, we have some resistance to intimacy, we’ll tend to give it even less time and put it on a lower rung on the priority ladder.

If we wait for emotional intimacy to occur spontaneously, there may be long periods of time between intimate contacts. It’s possible to influence the frequency of these connections by being intentional about creating the conditions that give rise to intimacy. It is easy to fall into the patterns of being roommates, business partners, and co-parents. Many neglect the lovers aspect of their relationship to their detriment. Keeping love alive over the years requires a willingness to be creative and committed to refreshing and revitalizing our relationship on an ongoing basis.

Creating an intentional intimate connection starts with making the decision to have an intimate contact and then making an agreement with our partner to create it. The type of connection in which we make could be verbal, non-verbal, physical, sexual, non-sexual or some combination of the above.

Intimacy can be playful, not just when new lovers are getting to know each other, but even with partners who have been together for decades. It’s our view that if people could recognize the true value and benefit of intimate experiences to their relationships, they would raise their priority for intimacy to the highest rungs on the ladder. They would rearrange their priorities even if that meant redirecting some of the time and energy that they give to other areas, such as work, TV, time spent on electronic devices and time spent engaged in activities that don’t provide the degree of fulfillment and enrichment that deep, meaningful connection does.


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Intentional Intimacy

Bloomwork

Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at: www.Bloomwork.com


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APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2018). Intentional Intimacy. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 15, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2018/12/intentional-intimacy/

 

Last updated: 26 Dec 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Dec 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.