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Relationship Breakdowns Are Under Rated

The exemplary marriages we know of have been earned. These relationships are true partnerships, built on foundations of hard-won trust that accrues over time. The struggles and efforts to reconcile what can often appear to be impossible differences create the groundwork for these marriages. While compatibility and shared interests bring us together initially, they are not enough to keep us together over time. If there are no breakdowns, there is not enough friction and agitation to prompt development.

We don’t need to seek stress; life brings it right to us. Invariably, obstacles arise that lovers have to overcome. Challenges vary from a family’s disapproval of the union to health problems or financial difficulties to differing styles, values, and belief systems. As the committed couple meets these challenges with their combined resources, the relationship becomes stronger and more resilient.

Meaningful events link together and accumulate over the years: a gentle touch to comfort us when we are agitated, an intimate conversation, shared laughter, a cup of tea when we are exhausted, a bowl of soup when we are sick, special care to make the sexual experience extra thrilling, a show of pride in our partner’s achievements, acts of forgiveness, and all the precious moments of connection, insight, compassion, and understanding. These interactions are the building blocks of a great love erected over time.

One of the most important things we can do to keep our relationship strong and healthy is build the bond of affection. It starts as a thin cord and grows ever thicker and stronger. When the inevitable stresses of life befall us in the form of differences and disappointments, the cord can become frayed.

Gradually, with conscious choice, commitment, and intention, we can repair the connective cord with sincere acts of consideration, generosity, and kindness on a daily basis.

Creating a storehouse of goodwill in the relationship is like putting money in the bank. These deposits can take many forms — a conversation, an episode of working out differences, a lingering gaze, or a sincere expression of gratitude — but they all have the common end of reaffirming our love and commitment, and they accumulate into a big tally. When there is an abundant account, you can make withdrawals when times are hard, and you live life with peace of mind, relishing a growing emotional wealth.

The exemplary marriages we know of have been earned. These relationships are true partnerships, built on foundations of hard-won trust that accrues over time. The struggles and efforts to reconcile what can often appear to be impossible differences create the groundwork for these marriages. While compatibility and shared interests bring us together initially, they are not enough to keep us together over time. If there are no breakdowns, there is not enough friction and agitation to prompt development.

We don’t need to seek stress; life brings it right to us. Invariably, obstacles arise that lovers have to overcome. Challenges vary from a family’s disapproval of the union to health problems or financial difficulties to differing styles, values, and belief systems. As the committed couple meets these challenges with their combined resources, the relationship becomes stronger and more resilient.

Meaningful events link together and accumulate over the years: a gentle touch to comfort us when we are agitated, an intimate conversation, shared laughter, a cup of tea when we are exhausted, a bowl of soup when we are sick, special care to make the sexual experience extra thrilling, a show of pride in our partner’s achievements, acts of forgiveness, and all the precious moments of connection, insight, compassion, and understanding. These interactions are the building blocks of a great love erected over time.

One of the most important things we can do to keep our relationship strong and healthy is build the bond of affection. It starts as a thin cord and grows ever thicker and stronger. When the inevitable stresses of life befall us in the form of differences and disappointments, the cord can become frayed.

Gradually, with conscious choice, commitment, and intention, we can repair the connective cord with sincere acts of consideration, generosity, and kindness on a daily basis.

Creating a storehouse of goodwill in the relationship is like putting money in the bank. These deposits can take many forms — a conversation, an episode of working out differences, a lingering gaze, or a sincere expression of gratitude — but they all have the common end of reaffirming our love and commitment, and they accumulate into a big tally. When there is an abundant account, you can make withdrawals when times are hard, and you live life with peace of mind, relishing a growing emotional wealth.


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Relationship Breakdowns Are Under Rated

Bloomwork

Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at: www.Bloomwork.com


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APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2018). Relationship Breakdowns Are Under Rated. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 18, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2018/02/relationship-breakdowns-are-under-rated/

 

Last updated: 2 Feb 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Feb 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.