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The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2

Ashley Webb on Flickr.com
Ashley Webb on Flickr.com

Linda: Examining all of our myths frees us to go on to become more loving people and to enjoy loving relationships, without doubt, anguish, and confusion that the false beliefs regularly promote. To bust the myth of being unlovable, these are steps toward radical self-acceptance. See if you can come up with additions to those listed below that will serve you on your journey to wholeness.

  1. When we make a commitment to love ourselves as is, we become realistic by accepting that our personal best is good enough. Then we can speak to the inner critic (that negative voice in our mind) about our right effort, right intention, and “good enough” accomplishments. We can stand up to that inner bully and speak in our own behalf.
  2. To let go of materialism is to give up the habit of measuring ourselves by possessions, house, car, or body. Genuine self-acceptance is a shift from the material to the interpersonal, relational aspects of life.  When assessing our success, more important questions to ask are: Who do love? Who loves me? What do I have to contribute to others? Am I giving of myself?
  3. Compassionate self-care is essential for radical self-acceptance. We need to eat well, exercise, rest, and have plenty of fun. Once we identify those things that nourish our soul, giving ourselves those things regularly, we begin to thrive.
  4. Imagine success by visioning doing things competently at work, with the family and friends and at play. Imagining ourselves in good form activates the vision to come true.
  5. Focus on what is rather than what isn’t. It is important to take time out every day to review the successes, even the small accomplishments, and to own that we are becoming more competent.
  6. Take action. By setting goals and acknowledging ourselves accomplishing the goals one by one, we take ownership that we are a steady plodder, recognizing that the accomplishments add up over time.
  7. Be positive: An optimistic, can-do attitude gives us energy, and inspires the support of others. Saying an affirmation such as “I am lovable” sends a positive message to our mind even if it feels that it’s a reach in the beginning.
  8. When we identify our dark shadow (the part of us that we deem unacceptable), we can begin to create a respectful relationship with it in all its aspects. All the dark parts have gifts in their hands if we thoroughly search for what they are.
  9. When we discover our golden shadow (the best of who we are) we begin to delight in it in all its splendid aspects
  10. Meditation opens our hearts and minds. It allows us to discover who we really are at our basic nature. With regular meditation, the old limiting beliefs from the past come into focus where we can examine them to see if they are valid today.

For those of us who have been limited by the mistaken notion that we are unlovable, busting this particular myth with take us a long way toward well-being. The examination may be challenging but so well worth the effort. How delightful it is to finally rest into the certainty that we are lovable human beings. That’s about as good as it gets!

Linda and Charlie Bloom are excited to announce the release of their third book, Happily Ever After . . . and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams.

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The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2


Bloomwork

Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW are considered experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They have both been trained as seminar leaders, therapists and relationship counselors and have been working with individuals, couples, and groups since 1975. They have been featured presenters at numerous conferences, universities, and institutions of learning throughout the country and overseas as well. They have appeared on over two hundred radio and TV programs. Linda and Charlie are co-authors of the widely acclaimed books: 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold) Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love, and Happily Ever After...and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams. The Blooms are excited to announce the release of their fourth book, That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They live in Santa Cruz, California, near their two children and three grandchildren. To view our upcoming events and to sign up for our free newsletter, visit our website at: www.Bloomwork.com


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APA Reference
Bloom, L. (2019). The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 19, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2016/05/the-myth-of-being-unlovable-part-2/

 

Last updated: 27 Feb 2019
Statement of review: Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network (blogs.psychcentral.com) prior to publication. All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.