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Archives for August, 2014

Commitment

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Flickr- Danumurthi Mahendra

It's not just for your sake.


Happiness depends more on the inner disposition of mind than on outward circumstances" - Benjamin Franklin

In case you hadn't noticed, there's been a wealth of information recently in the form of books, TV shows, CDs, DVDs, magazine articles, and even movies on a subject that is near and dear to everyone's heart. The subject is happiness. I'm not sure why it is...
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Commitment

Myth: When It Comes To Relationships, Security is Always Better

Flickr- Mo Riza

The notion that great marriages are not about comfort and security isn’t news to those of us who have been married for a while or anyone who has ever been in a stagnant relationship. While the idea that formalizing a commitment to a shared partnership may be news to those who haven’t experienced the reality of long term matrimony, if you are in that group of veterans who...
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General

Do You Engage in Conscious Combat or Are You Just Fighting?

Conflict, especially in relationships, has gotten a pretty bad rap over the years and for good reason. Unresolved differences are the source of an awful lot of physical, mental and emotional distress. Many couples have concluded that arguing and fighting is painful that it’s better to avoid acknowledging differences at all, and have co-created agreements (sometimes unspoken or even unconscious) to ignore or deny the presence of differences that could potentially activate hard...
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Attraction

Love Is NOT All You Need

Flickr - Vladimir Pustovit

The Beatles were on the money with almost all of their songs, but on this one, I’m afraid that they got it wrong. Unfortunately millions of Beatle fans that took their word as the holy truth found themselves deeply disappointed when they found out that love was not, in fact all that they needed. Nor despite the reassurance that “It’s eeeeasy” that also didn’t prove to...
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Commitment

Great Relationships Do Require Work, But Not Forever

When NASA launches a space vehicle, it uses about 90% of its fuel getting beyond the earth’s atmosphere. After it clears the pull of this gravitational force, considerably less fuel is required, allowing it to travel great distances expending much less energy. This principle also applies to relationships. The early stages (after you pass the delirium of infatuation) are where the real work begins. That work is about committed listening, letting go of control,...
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General

It’s Never Too Late To Bring Up Unfinished Business

Flickr- Pedro Ribeiro Simões

There’s a commonly held belief shared by many couples that after a certain point at which the time to bring up or continue an unfinished conversation (particularly one in which there is disagreement) is passed. That is, any attempt by one partner to revisit an issue that he or she felt incomplete with will be met with a refusal to re-engage with the subject. “That’s history”,...
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General

Marriage Is NOT A Fifty Fifty Proposition

The Conversion from Me-ish to We-ish
Flickr- Mo Riza

Mira: In the beginning of our relationship I was a very efficient scorekeeper and kept careful track of who did what for whom. Fairness has always been a big deal for me. My stance was often, “If you give me this, I’ll give you that.” It drove Joel nuts.

Joel:  I let Mira know, in no uncertain terms, how offensive this was to me....
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Attraction

Myth: Little Things Aren’t Worth Getting Upset About

“Take it easy. Chill out. Relax. Cool down. Don’t stress out. Lighten up. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s not a big deal.”

These are some of the things that I used to say back in the day when I didn’t want to hear Linda’s complaints when I failed to keep my word regarding something that I had told her that I was going to do. And back in the day there were...
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