Archives for February, 2014

Commitment

Full Disclosure, It’s Not What You Think It Is

How much information do you really owe your partner?


The term “full disclosure” gets tossed about quite a bit these days. It’s one of those phrases that seems to arouse strong opinions in people. There are those who believe that there are some things that are best left unsaid, and that revealing what they consider to be unnecessary detail is just asking for trouble. Then there are those who believe that the withholding of any information...
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Boredom

8 Steps to Finishing Unfinished Business

Sometimes it's worth the risk of rocking the boat.


Unfinished business, unresolved issues, emotional baggage, irreconcilable differences, misunderstandings, call it what you will, but whatever you call it, they’re not good for relationships. We call them “incompletions”.

That seems like a fitting term since their presence leaves us feeling like there’s something missing, something unfinished or incomplete in our relationship. What is missing is the feeling that things are okay between us and that our...
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Attraction

Get Smart

As most of us are all too aware, simply staying together isn't necessarily a measure of success in a marriage. A disturbingly high percentage of those couples who do manage to avoid divorce court live lives of "quiet desperation" characterized by a lack of fulfillment and intimacy on the parts of one or both partners. Consequently, it's not surprising that so many men and women these days are choosing to delay marriage or avoid it...
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Commitment

Enlightened Self-Interest

The ultimate self-interest lies in being good to others.


Joan: “Frank and I have been married for over twenty years. He was a career diplomat and I had faithfully followed him to his many posts around the world, being a supportive wife and mother of three. I made deep friendships and started projects wherever we lived, always to be uprooted by Frank’s inevitable transfers. When we finally returned to the United States and our children...
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Commitment

Traditions Are Fine, But Don’t Be Limited By Them

Ellen was an accomplished attorney who earned more money than her husband Herb. After Ellen gave birth to twin girls, they decided that Herb would be the one to leave his job to stay home with the children. Both sets of in-laws had judgments about the non-traditional choice they were making. Some of their friends commented that it struck them as peculiar that Herb was "Mr. Mom." They were worried that...
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Attraction

Think You’re Too Good For Your Partner?

You might want to think again. 

Fran and Erik married when they were both very young. Fran had been a "Daddy's girl," always doted on and indulged by a father who treated her as if she could do no wrong. Erik adored her, and did everything he could to try to make her happy. Unfortunately, his efforts were often unsuccessful. Fran was never quite satisfied with Erik's offerings.  She was often cold, aloof, and unresponsive to...
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Attraction

Vive La Difference

Linda: During our first few years together, Charlie and I knew what kind of a relationship we desired, but it took more than hope to bring it to fruition. Like most people, we were up against conditioned patterns and lifelong habits most of which didn’t support our vision. Neutralizing them would take discipline, devotion, time and practice, lots of it.

Many factors contributed to the difficulties we experienced, particularly during the early years of our marriage....
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Attraction

The Greatest Gift That You Can Give Your Partner

And it wont cost you a cent.

Charlie: Like many other people, I grew up believing that marriage required self-sacrifice.  Lots of it.  I thought that successful couples put each other's needs ahead of their own and denied themselves pleasures that weren’t compatible with their mate’s preferences. It's a small wonder that I wasn't exactly jumping out of my skin with enthusiasm to settle down. In the shadow of my independent, commitment-aversive self, was the...
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