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Archives for January, 2014

Attraction

Are You Using Your Judgment Or Just Being Judgmental?

Life requires us to make assessments, literally hundreds of times a day. We assess risk level, costs, benefits, and appropriateness of behaviors in specific We make these judgment calls in our relationships too, but we sometimes forget that they are personal, subjective  evaluations, and instead hold our views as being objectively , undeniably true. Taking a position in this way is a form of judgmentalism and can be hazardous to your health and to...
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Attraction

Support and Feedback From Friends Isn’t Always Helpful

Everyone in Joan's life was telling her to get a divorce. Her husband Greg had been having a secret affair for months. His dishonesty was more painful to Joan than the affair itself. She doubted that she would ever be able to trust him again. "Get rid of him!" her sister pleaded. "Once a cheater always a cheater,” her best friend told her. Joan's friends meant well, but they were biased. They were distressed to...
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Commitment

I Didn’t Know That

A funny thing happened to us on the way to writing our recently-published book featuring couples with long-term exemplary marriages: we got to be wrong about some of the beliefs that we had regarding the factors that we thought couples needed to experience in order to create great relationships. In other words, we discovered that we had unwittingly taken on some of the cultural myths that many people, including psychotherapists and marriage counselors have bought...
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Attraction

Commitment Can Set You Free!

Yes, you read it right, and no, I’m not crazy.

When I shared this observation with my single friend Howard, he looked at me as though I had taken permanent leave of my senses. I don't blame him for his reaction. It hadn't been that long ago that I had the same association with the dreaded "C word." It wasn't until after Linda and I had been together for several years that I stopped feeling like...
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Attraction

If Your Work Eats The Lion’s Share of Your Energy, Your Marriage Will Starve

"Image courtesy of Tiverylucky / "

Matt’s parents divorced when he was four. His mother and two sisters raised him. His mother never remarried and the family struggled financially throughout Matt’s childhood. While growing up he continually vowed that he would never be poor again, and that his children would never lack any material thing they ever wanted. He married Deborah, who recognized in Matt, not only a man of great ambition,...
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Attraction

Not Enough Time for Intimacy?

Try the Bic Cure. 

Jason and Carolyn are a power couple. He’s an investment banker and she’s an attorney. They also have two daughters ages 7 and 5. They both share a commitment to provide quality parenting for their girls and share child-rearing responsibilities. In between jobs and child-care, they somehow manage to squeeze in regular workouts at the local gym. They also are on several community and neighborhood committees and volunteer at their...
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