Archives for December, 2013

Commitment

Vulnerability Can Be Disarming

Arguments don't end when one person overpowers another. Submission to an intimidator might interrupt the heat of the battle, but at best, it's a temporary truce, not a permanent resolution. Even with a truce, there is generally a not-so-subtle tension that is present in the relationship because conflict has been driven underground. Bringing out the big guns- threats, name-calling, insults, loud yelling- always exacts a painfully high price. While you may win the...
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Commitment

The Direct Path to Self-Awareness

The hidden power of the shadow.


“You can learn more about yourself in a week in a marriage than you can meditating for 10 years in a cave.”   —Stephen Levine

 Carl Jung referred to as the “shadow” as the parts of ourselves that we judge as undesirable and try to conceal. One of the underlying objectives of psychotherapy is...
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Commitment

How do you spell “Success”?

It’s not necessarily spelled “M-O-N-E-Y”.

“People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.” - Thomas Merton.

The notion that money can’t buy happiness is deeply ingrained in the minds of most of us. Most of us have heard words to that effect since we were children, from parents, teachers, clergymen, and lots of other folks. There is...
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Addiction

Amazing Grace

Charlie: On the verge of my fortieth birthday, I was going strong and fulfilling my life vision. I had a loving marriage, three beautiful children, a large comfortable home, a good income, and work that I loved. I was on the fast track to success, leading personal growth seminars all over the country and enjoying the good life. The thrill of the attention of being in the spotlight and the excitement and...
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Attraction

The Real Reason That Opposites Attract

Did you ever think that it was a cruel joke of nature that most of us find ourselves attracted to people very much unlike us? I mean, wouldn’t it be an awful lot simpler and a lot less messy if we tended to be drawn to those whose personalities are more like our own rather than those who seem like they are polar opposites of us. Especially given the inclination that seems to be present...
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Attraction

The Hidden Sources of Attraction

Your Conscious Mind Isn’t Necessarily Your Best Guide


We are attracted to people for many different reasons, some of them conscious, some unconscious. Some of the conscious reasons have to do with how the person looks, how they act, the sound of their voice, the sensation of their touch, and other sensory cues. These are things we can identify and recognize; they are obvious and self-evident. Yet lying below the surface of our conscious awareness are...
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Commitment

The Hidden Cost of Fitting In

Zumbach the Tailor


Here's a story that you may have heard, but its message is timeless and it bears repeating:

There once lived a tailor name Zumbach who had a reputation for making the finest of clothing. He used only the best fabrics and he was especially known for his impeccable suits. One day a man named Sam walked into his shop and plopped down a large bundle of money in front of the famous tailor.
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Commitment

What’s Missing With Our Over-Reliance on Electronic Technology?



It’s probably no surprise to most of us that the most popular form of communication amongst young people these days is (drum roll)….TEXTING! No surprise there. But here’s something that might surprise you. This is not to deny that there are many benefits of texting, including the speed through which messages can be delivered and responded to, the minimization of actual person to person or even voice to voice contact (which affords a certain safety...
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Boredom

Thinking About Getting Marriage Counseling?

Five things to consider before getting professional help.


“Marriage is a pit full of pitfalls devised by a devious deity for our conscious evolution” – Wavy Gravy

There are few if any couples who have been together any amount of time who have managed to successfully avoid any of the many pitfalls that that are inherent in committed partnerships. We know (personally and professionally) many couples who were convinced that theirs...
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Commitment

The Healing Power of Relationships

When we hear the word ‘health’, most of us think of diet, exercise, genes and . . . well that’s about it. We like to focus on the first two because we have some control over them. As for the genetic factor, it’s a little late to do much about that. But there is another factor; one that we do in fact have a lot of influence over that is, according to many of the...
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