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Archives for October, 2013

Commitment

The Hidden Gifts of the Financial Crisis

Lost homes, lost jobs, lost job prospects, lost savings, lost investments ... these are some of the many casualties of the downturn in the national and international economies. People who never imagined that they would or even could be in danger of being homeless or unable to find employment have been experiencing panic and insecurity that they had had previously believed themselves to be invulnerable to. When the "security" that we had thought would protect...
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Boredom

Has Your Sex Life Got You Down?

If so, you may be suffering from an ailment that is common to a great many individuals and couples, more than most of us would imagine. And speaking of imagining, it's the lack of imagination that is the source of this problem. Creatures of habit that we are, most of us have a tendency to find comfort and predictability, and therefore, some degree of security in routine, which is defined Webster as...
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Commitment

To Vent or Not to Vent

Charlie: For the first few years of our relationship Linda and I were believers, advocates, and practitioners of the theory that the way to deal with anger in relationships is to express it directly and clearly to the person that you’re upset with. This provided me a very convenient justification to rationalize my inclination to convert all of my more vulnerable emotions (like fear, disappointment, sadness, shame, desire, etc.)...
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Commitment

What We Really Fight About When We Fight About Money

It’s not surprising that the number one issue that most couples fight about is money. Of course, it’s not really money that is activating the intense emotional reactions that fuel these conflicts. It’s all of the things that money represents that ignites these strong emotions. Among other things, money symbolizes power, security, worth, trust, love, and even our very survival. It’s no wonder that the possible or actual loss of money can activate some...
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Commitment

The Cost and Benefits of Emotional Honesty

“Most of us feel that others will not tolerate emotional honest. We would rather defend our dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others; and having rationalized our phoniness into nobility, we settle for superficial relationships." from Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? by John Powell.

"He who dares not offend cannot be honest."  -Thomas Paine

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Commitment

Breaking Free from the Myth of Independence

Interdependence is the key to successful relationships.


“Love comes quietly; finally, drops around me, on me, in the old way. What did I know, thinking myself able to go alone all the way.”

Robert Creeley

In the early years of my relationship with Charlie, I was plagued with a constant nagging voice inside my mind that said. “Why do you need him so much? You ought to be able to fill your...
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Commitment

When Being Wrong is Right

Charlie: When it comes to relationships, it's very possible that the ten most powerful words you'll ever hear are "You can be right or you can have a relationship." And the most powerful word of those ten is "or." I first heard this phrase about twenty-five years ago when a friend from whom I'd been trying to gain some sympathy instead gave me something far more valuable: the realization that being right and having good...
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Attraction

Commitment: Myths and Reality

If you or anyone that you know has ever experienced what is (usually mistakenly) referred to as “commitment phobia”, there might be good reason to be hesitant or downright resistant to embracing the C-word. Webster uses terms like this to characterize commitment: sacrifice, loss or freedom, submission, institutionalization, and consignment to a prison or mental. Who in their right mind would want to sign up for that??
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Commitment

Why You Shouldn’t Pick Your Battles

Over the years, I heard and used the admonition to “Pick your battles” quite a few times. It’s actually been one of my most frequently given pieces of advice. The phrase suggests that every relationship has an abundance of topics on which couples have differing opinions, preferences, expectations, or beliefs and that it’s a good idea to be selective in regard to which ones are worth fighting over. Those different views can show up in...
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