14 thoughts on “Holding A Grudge: 5 Tips For Letting Go

  • June 21, 2017 at 6:31 am

    Good article and true. I’m a hypnotist and psych nurse and still struggle with several grudges ( a partner who ended our 5 year relationship..it “seems” with ease and a family member who has deleted my mom, son, and me out of his life ( without a known reason) I could rid myself of these even with hypnosis..but hang on as if losing them would be betraying my thought that they are rotten for what they have done ( broken my heart and hurt the people I love) I know the key is to let it go and forgive…your article may help me turn the key. Thank you.

    Reply
  • June 21, 2017 at 8:28 am

    Why do we hold grudges?
    I think it’s simple in my case, I hold grudges because I was not able to get justice. I wish some former shit people with whom I worked before painful death because I find it so unfair that innocent and useful people die while awful idiotic people continue to live

    Reply
  • June 21, 2017 at 11:50 am

    It’s easy for someone to say “forgive them,” “let it go,” “acknowledge it,” “accept it,” etc., but to actually do it is another story. I’ve gotten so many “tips” on what to do, but wish I could get some direction on “how” to do it. One of the individuals that basically destroyed any chances of my ever having a close friendship relationship lives almost across the street from me. Every time I see that person, I get angry again. I hate feeling that way, but it’s been impossible for me to just let it go.

    Reply
  • June 21, 2017 at 3:27 pm

    What to do about a huge resentment towards Trump ,those who voted for him and towards the Republicans who allow him to ride roughshod over decent people and principles?
    The man is causing havoc and people are feeling sick because they see evil winning over good.
    This is a serious question I’m asking, by the way.

    Reply
    • June 21, 2017 at 6:27 pm

      Why do you care? You’ll never meet President Trump or any of his family, friends, staff or associates. None of them care about you, they never will. Those in power will always have power, and nothing will ever change that. You are unimportant to them, your voice will never matter, they will use you as a resource if they feel it necessary, then get rid of you when you no longer meet their needs. I don’t expect anyone to take care of me, or care for me, or about me, or to meet my needs in any way. I only expect those in power to take more and more, and amass more power, and use it unfairly against the have-nots. Doesn’t mean I like it, but I am just as powerless as the rest of those outside the circle of true wealth. I can’t do anything about it, and I will never try to. I am constantly surprised when people get so bent out of shape about a group of people who they will never meet and could never influence in any way.

      Reply
      • June 22, 2017 at 7:28 am

        While I agree she shouldn’t ´care that much about it and should accept that Trump arrived democratically in power and people have voted for him, so she and everyone else should respect other people’s choices but I don’t agree that if she thinks Trump is dangerous or crazy or is endangering the country or the planet we as human beings should not act upon it.
        We all have voices and values and yes there’s risks expressing ourselves but you have to choose freely what matters the most to you.

        Reply
    • June 21, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      I cannot believe what I’m reading, your response. You just HAD to make this political. My comment was heartfelt and rare [for me], and then some stupid idiot (you) has to comes along and make it all about politics. I WANT to be happy. You obviously don’t. Such a ridiculous comment. Shame on you.

      Reply
      • June 22, 2017 at 11:58 am

        Kris – I am sorry that you were hurt by someone, and that hurt has caused you such turmoil in your life. I apologize if you feel I made light of your heartfelt reply by “making it political.” That was certainly not my intent. I was actually responding to “jennf’s” reply. I actually agree with you – I find it odd that that there is always someone like jennf who seems to want to shift just about anything into a forum to discuss their dissatisfaction with the currrent government. As I stated in my reply to jennf, I really don’t understand why that individual would care about a process that is out of their hands (the election is over and done with until 2022, for cripes sakes, try voting again next time!), and a group of individuals (the wealthy who run our government and society) who will never care about them. It’s the same as being a fan of any celebrity – that celebrity the fan will never meet (much less know), who will never befriend the fan, or be a part of the fan’s life. Strange to me.

        As for calling people “stupid,” I hope that you will work not to stoop to the level of those who have hurt you in the past by continuing to indulge in name-calling. I am sure you are a better person than that. Good luck to you!

        Reply
  • June 21, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    Holding on to negative feelings about someone who did something wrong and inexcusable is completely appropriate. That’s what keeps the lesson learned, and keeps us from going back to a negative situation. There is no reason to forgive or forget anyone, ever. I never forgive, and I never forget, and I am quite happy about it. I don’t see or have anything to do with the people who have ever done anything wrong to/around me, and I don’t ever plan to. I won’t even speak to someone that doesn’t deserve my time; if they’ve done something wrong, they don’t deserve my energy. All this talk of forgiving, accepting the negative behavior of others is ridiculous and really harmful advice. Don’t forgive, don’t forget, don’t feel sad for them, simply don’t accept what is unacceptable. The only thing you need to “accept” is your right to be enraged forever at those who do you wrong, because that will keep you from ever, ever associating with them again. I’m not saying that you threaten or do anything to that person, just get mad and stay mad at the people who deserve it, take legal action through the proper authorities if they are in the act of harming you or threatening you with harm, and then never let them back in to your life again.

    Reply
    • June 21, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      Likewise, I don’t want or expect forgiveness from anyone if they feel I have wronged them. I deserve their full wrath. I am not a violent or hurtful person, I will never physically harm anyone, even in self-defense. I will not lie, steal or try to be with someone else’s spouse or significant other, but I will not ever be surprised if someone chooses to be that way to me. That’s just the way people are, nobody can ever be trusted. Just because I will not ever harm anyone else does not mean that someone will not choose to harm me. This is the most adult attitude to have, and it has served me well all my life.

      Reply
    • June 22, 2017 at 7:34 am

      I agree that these talks about forgetting and forgiveness are dangerous and can be harmful to some people, because they can interpret it as if something was wrong with them while it’s completely understandable to feel anger and resentment someone did us wrong.

      Reply
      • June 22, 2017 at 7:39 am

        Hi Lolina,

        Thank you and everyone else for taking an interest in this article. The article encourages forgiveness of those that have wronged you, not forgetting that you have been wronged. In my opinion the process of forgiveness is not intended to erase or minimize what has occurred, but allow those that are wronged to move on with their life without holding on to rage. Forgiveness does not mean you have to allow that person to be in or remain a part of your life. My understanding of forgiveness simply includes letting go of the negative emotions that ultimately keep you tied to that person emotionally.

        Reply
      • June 22, 2017 at 11:46 am

        Thank you, it seems to me that therapy is always about the victim having to “let it go,” but never addresses the real problem: the victimizer. There are never any classes or therapies devoted to deriding the victimizer, endlessly telling them that they were wrong, and that they can never do it again, and that they should suffer the consequences of their actions for the rest of their lives. And why is that? Because those who would harm others do not care, and don’t feel they have done anything wrong, they will never stop doing whatever it is they like to do and they will never seek therapy (unless it’s forced upon them by the court system). It’s so much easier – and profitable – to convince the victim who has a conscience that they are somehow responsible for their abuse, and that they need hours upon hours of continued talk-sessions.

        Understand that I am talking about abuse, not situations where you are bent out of shape about politicians (or anyone else you will never meet), or someone called you a name, or a stranger looked at you the wrong way, or your sister has always been better looking and well-liked and successful than you.

        Reply
  • June 22, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    As adults, we only have control over ourselves. Sometimes we are lucky enough to influence others (hopefully by setting a positive example), but that is not a given. Some people are mean spirited and “evil” and seem to get away with disgusting egocentric behavior, but you never know what they are really feeling deep down. Selfish, arrogant, narcissistic types tend to act the way they do because they are actually quite wounded at their core. Maybe we should all try to let go of grudges and emotional pain by reminding ourselves just how sad, pathetic, and lonely people who have a tendency to hurt others are. They inevitably burn all their bridges and have no one left to abuse. Pity them, do not waste your anger on them. Karma exists and they will surely be “rewarded” for the sins of the past.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *