9 thoughts on “What It’s Like to Be a Complex Trauma Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

  • October 2, 2017 at 12:01 am

    This article is spot on. So accurate to my experience that it gives me chills. I hope that one day, I will be in a much better place emotionally but time is not on my side. Thank you for this post. I hope that it helps many to gain insight into their childhoods and adult relationships while they are still young enough to benefit from the knowledge.

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  • October 3, 2017 at 3:29 am

    As a survivor I found your article very scary to read, but now I understand why I have struggled so much during my life. I grew up with very young parents that have experienced abuse from their parents. I never understood why I always felt the way I did as a child and as a young adult. My mother always gave me the strong impression that something was wrong with me, because I was slow to talk and walk, very sensitive and quiet, never shy! Your article is the second one that I have come across that is finally helped me to understand the problems that I have experienced and still struggle with due to my father and my physically, emotionally abused mother unable to leave because of her 5 children and later not strong enough to leave permanently. However, this is not the time for me to point fingers. After reading your article, I have been healing myself for going on 8 years now and I’m finally getting to the point of trusting people again. I’m estranged from my siblings, father and now that I understand the realities of my life and the FACT that there is nothing Wrong with me and there never was!!! Infuriates me! I have been abandoned by my mother at different times and I never know where I stand with her anymore. Our relationship is on shaky ground these days.Now that I am aware of the damage and trauma that can be inflicted! I am going to make sure my grandson doesn’t go through the same things I did!!

    I want to live a new happier life, but I am always afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lynn Buglat you’re never to old to try again!! Don’t give up! I’m not!

    Thank you for the eye opening article.

    Kim

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    • February 14, 2018 at 6:52 am

      Dear Anne,

      It is possible to be happy and overcome your fear.
      FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.
      All we have to do is changing our story we are telling ourselves about the abuse.
      I am happy, I am grateful, I am stronger and more loving because of the trauma.
      I own my fears, they will never own me again.

      There is a way dear. I am a living example too that pain is the possibility to grow and develop yourself.
      You can have a great future. Your past, my past, our past is expired! Now we have a choice to do better, to be happy with ourselves. It sounds easy. It is easy but takes a lot of repetition/commitment.

      You can get through this, like I did.
      Now I am happy to share my progress to happiness with others.
      Because I care and I love you all.

      My blessings to you all,

      Emine Pala
      Owning my Voice NL

      Reply
  • October 8, 2017 at 4:28 am

    After lifetime of abuse in both childhood and adult life, having divorced my narcissist husband, my counsellor had been rushing me to recover. I was feeling stuck and unable to make her see how I am not choosing to be stuck.
    This article has given me clarity on how I am not at fault for feeling how I do.
    Also hope that I can let go of my fears for my children who witnessed me being verbally abused by their father.
    I lived in fear all my life and now I am learning how to get my voice and not be scared any more.

    It’s never too late to be free from pain,Lynne. Do not give up on yourself. You deserve to heal.

    Chris, talking more about it will indeed help the healing. Find ways to express your pain directly or indirectly in whatever form and get your voice back.

    Thank you for this article!

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  • January 2, 2018 at 8:50 am

    I am a 54 yo male Australian with 3 children who has just (self diaganosed – with the help of many consultants over here he years & a couple of stays in secure mental institutions) realised what Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is. No one could explain how I could be so down for so long. It destroyed my last 9 year relationship & has taken away 26 years of my life, so far. She is the mother of my children…
    so constant & difficult & heartbreaking.
    Thank you for your accuracy x

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  • February 14, 2018 at 12:08 am

    Shahida you are my hero for being able to put into words what I have been experiencing my entire life and trying to explain to others in a way that makes sense. You nailed it as if you had the ability to read my mind. The compounding of wrongs, trauma, hurt, loss and pain just never ends when you were raised to ignore, deny, accept and take blame no matter the situation. The man my mom coerced me to marry at 18 by withholding love, treated me exactly the same way she treated me. Hated my guts, blamed me for everything wrong in his life yet couldn’t live without me for a second. Not-one-single-second. At 16 yrs old I told my mom I was afraid of him and didn’t understand why he said I shouldn’t have friends. She replied that I shouldn’t need friends by this age because he should be enough for me and if he wasn’t that was on me not him because he said all the time that I was all he needed so I better get down off my high horse and see that I am very lucky to have him as not very many people could put up with me like he did. He sent both of us red roses every payday and during our wedding planning immediately after I turned 18 my mom told all my relatives that he was BY FAR

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  • February 14, 2018 at 12:10 am

    THE BEST I COULD EVER DO….sorry I accidentally hit enter lol. Anyway, your article resonates deeply and I’m extremely grateful for people like you who spend a lifetime trying to help people like me. Thank you

    Reply
    • February 14, 2018 at 7:18 am

      Dear,

      You are wise and strong enough to see the truth behind those lies.
      It is like being brainwashed. Don’t forget that you are worthy. You deserve respect, love and being proud of yourself.
      For all of you, we ARE still standing, breathing. We are not what others say, we are what we say about ourselves.
      Be kind to yourself darling.
      I’ve been there and I am never going back.
      I learned to love myself again, I learned that It is not my fault, I learned to be happy and grateful. I am living my life with all my heart, because I care. You can do it to dear.
      What are you focusing on everyday? What are you telling yourself everyday? Please be aware of this. Keep track of your thoughts, your feelings. This is the very FIRST step to break the cycle of abusive past.

      Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something. You do matter, you are making a difference by reading this and sharing your story.

      Here is a wonderful quote: Don’t use your words to tell, use your words to transform your life!

      You have no idea what you can do, what you can achieve!
      You can and will be able to help others if you choose to. But first you need to choose yourself! Develop yourself!
      I don’t know you, I feel you and I know that all of you here are determined to make your now and future the best possible.

      Sending love and strength to you (and everyone who needs it)

      Emine Pala
      Owning my Voice NL

      (no I don’t have a website yet, I just want to spread the word of hope to all of you! I’ve been there and I let go. I care about all of you, if I can reach 1 person to feel hope by sharing my transformation after 6 years of Narcissistic Abuse in every level. losing everything in my life, being and feeling alone to ” I AM HAPPY”, I LOVE MY LIFE”, “MY BIGGEST NIGHTMARE WAS MY GREATEST GIFT’ A GIFT I WANT TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU. From the bottom of my heart <3 )

      Reply
  • September 30, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    i just found out that there is even such a thing as narcissistic abuse…i knew what it was because i went thru it all of my life growing up…and now after all the counselors and therapists, drugs, pills, institutionalizations and grouphomes i was forced into finally the truth of why i was tortured by my adoptive mother and father..but now i cant get help for it because i feel trapped in my own home…counseling, drugs, pills nothing has ever helped with the rage, isolation and the constant fatalistic views i have on the world…would anyone be able to shock my brain and make me forget all of that crap, or drug me and reprogram me ? or what help is there besides counseling ??? i have found relief using extracted thc oil twice a day to help keep me level headed, calm, and able to deal with having to leave my house… but i cant hold a job longer then a month and a half , i dont qualify for disability soc sec…its ruining my life and frankly the mental health system is broken. i am always on edge using cannabis/thc cbd oil because it is illegal where i live unless you want the govt thc which medicaid wont cover…i am willing to be the experiment if anyone knows of a place that is trying to help people like us…i cant take much more of this anymore… i will be 53 in december and i have cptsd….

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