Comments on
11 Signs You’re the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse


Imagine this: your entire reality has been warped and distorted. You have been mercilessly violated, manipulated, lied to, ridiculed, demeaned and gaslighted into believing that you are imagining things.  The person you thought you knew and the life you built together have been shattered into a million little fragments.

59 thoughts on “11 Signs You’re the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

  • August 21, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    How can I ever recoverfrom this horrible abuse after 49 years of marriage.I am being discarded because I have an illness that he does not want to deal with. I can’t face this alone, my whole world is collapsing around me.I have no support, no one believes he is a Narcissist, because it is always done behind the scene.Someone please help me.

    Reply
    • August 21, 2017 at 11:59 pm

      Heidi please know that you are not alone. I know it’s hard but you have to believe me, it get easier as time goes by. I was recently discarded too about a month ago. I could not for the life of me understand what I’ve done wrong. I desperately searched for answers and found this Blog. In reading all the stories I found comfort to know that I wasn’t crazy. I have slowly began detaching myself and plan on being no contact soon. I urge you to pray. It really helped me during the first few weeks when he told me to get out of his house. I wasn’t financially able to then but now have found the strength and courage the N had destroyed long ago. I can honestly tell you that this feeling you have right now will pass. Take care of yourself for now. Focus on your well being. Every time you get that sad feeling and start wondering why, pray. Believe me it helps. I will be praying for you too for I know what you are going through. You are strong and I know that because you put up with 49 years of the N abuse. You will survive trust God for he will never let you down. Take care and know that someone out in the world is wishing you strength and courage today!!!! God bless you for you are wonderful !!!

      Reply
      • November 17, 2017 at 1:58 am

        I am healing from the narc. The only closer I got was he showed me he his so evil. That he paid someone last year to have my mother a 86 year old who had nothing to so with anything. Except I had no time for him. Because I was taking care of all my mothers needs. He did this and my mother suffered for months in the Hospital until she passed away.

        Reply
      • November 17, 2017 at 2:03 am

        Continued he had paid someone to have my mother pushed down a stairwell where she had kuced at a senior citizen home. Since then he has hoovered and also has sent people to my building, looking for me. I believe he had been listening to my phone calls. He is in lawenforcement so it’s easy for them to do that. I complained about him but it made the harassment a lot worse. I believe he’s not finished I believe he plans or is planning another attack on my life..

        Reply
      • January 2, 2019 at 1:00 am

        Hi Connie, I was in a bad situation as well. I got out after a series of events, but it started with doing an Emotional Whole Life healing on this website entitled Creation Lightship. After doing it, anything the abuser did was simply like watching a character in a movie. He stopped getting supply from me. This was the beginning of the end. Eventually I was able to completely disconnect in every way, including physically. Best of luck, I’m sorry for your mom.

        Reply
      • February 25, 2019 at 5:22 pm

        All of you talk about your spouses and I am not unsympathetic. But my issue is with a daughter. I was mentally ill when she was growing up but since I had the same experience as a child I overplayed the “this is not your fault” card. Now she has brought in other people to berate me and make me feel shame even if I didn’t do anything. But this is my child. I have to let her go but it is harder than when I had to bury my spouse

        Reply
      • December 22, 2017 at 2:55 am

        Thank you so much for letting us know that we can survive…it hurts so much and some days are harder than others but God has the power to heal…praying for you all!

        Reply
      • February 23, 2018 at 6:04 pm

        Excellent, prayer helps us to reconcile all those broken and shattered particles of our Life.
        And yes the pain goes away, give yourself time. This is worse than a battlefield experience, because it hits on all levels at the same time.
        PTSS according to veterans, the best way to deal wit the symptoms is smoking a “Peace”Pipe. It soothens, is what can be desparately needed.

        Reply
      • January 16, 2020 at 7:30 pm

        It has been 10 long years…….None of the abusers are in my life now, and I am still having nightmares.

        Reply
    • August 22, 2017 at 3:40 am

      Hi Heidi, my first response to your message is I BELIEVE YOU. After 37 years of a relationship/marriage myself, my whole life has been blown apart by being discarded by a narcissist. Like you ,my health has suffered. But is now improving.little by little.

      We are intelligent women who just didn’t see it, that doesn’t make us stupid, it makes us loving and giving…We can heal ourselves….There is so much information on the internet about our experience it is staggering. …. I find that validation of me and my experiences helps so much…….The people around us may try to help and understand ,but unless you have been in it , no one can fully get it. There is also the painful rejection of some of our superficial friends too. This can also impact on our vulnerability…..There are people who believe us. I am one of those. I have found info from a lady called Melanie Tonia Evans on fb really helpful. A lot of her vids are on youtube, so there is no financial outlay. I do wish you well in your awakening, it is scary,one step at a time and you will see that you have more about you than you ever realised. People will love you for just being your real self. Give yourself a little kindness and you find Heidi again xx

      Reply
    • August 22, 2017 at 11:49 am

      Just get out for the safety of yourself and find a therapist who can help you.

      Reply
    • August 29, 2017 at 2:45 am

      I agree with brokenhearted. Prayer and reading the bible really seems to help.

      Reply
      • January 5, 2019 at 2:34 pm

        Reading the bible and or praying is of no use to people who are not believers. This sounds harsh, but someone’s religion/faith should be personal & not pushed onto others. There is just too much of people pushing their religious views & it’s unaccepable.

        Reply
    • September 29, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      I just began to read the book, and i am in shock, i am completely paralyzed, playing computer games, i cannot even move, i realized that i have been completely living a fake life, my husband is a narcissist and everything is so terrible. i cannot find even words. I am stuck now, i asked for divorce and his behavior is so erratic… i want to cry , to go away.. i dont know really… this is a terrible and frightening sensation.

      Reply
    • January 13, 2019 at 1:25 pm

      Oh bless you dear! I’ve been married to my narc for 44 yrs, I had great health issues also, honest to God, he would take the platform and gather all this attention while I lay on my deathbed alone! I did receive a transplant, I’ve been given a beautiful 2nd chance of life. I’m with him, if that’s what it’s called!
      Just sorry I didn’t have more info back in the day, I’m much wise and stronger today, hope you are as well.

      Reply
    • January 23, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      I’m in the exact situation. I trust no one, infact I keep thinking this article has been planted by him to see if I would respond. But I’m taking a chance that I might find someone that can relate to this horrific, silent, abuse.
      HELP!

      Reply
  • August 22, 2017 at 8:40 am

    Please help me: Could you think of an adult woman to be more psychotic?
    To ask a man to commit to her in her deepest emotions allow herself as it were to constructively trust him with her deepest secrets, accept that for him to believe her and trust her it would mean a lifetime commitment and when all is said and done she neglects him, won’t speak to him, hold him in complete suspense and contempt.
    When she’s convince enough of his near faint or disastrous grim fate – she sues him in public from behind the shadows as she stretch the arm of the law to prosecute him for telling a lie of the secrets she shared with him alleging that they’d never happened – those same secrets she constructively revealed framing him for telling it, knowing well that he’d been honest and never betrayed her by telling publicly of any of her secrets she constructively entrusted unto him.
    How psychotic would this woman be?
    How does a man relate over a year and months in adverse emotions to this from a woman he’s yet to have betrayed?
    It’s worst than a man to have believed to fall in love & marry a woman, bare her love to see her give birth to their son & then she dies or constructively disappear with their son – never to be seen or heard from again.
    How rare is that in today’s life?
    How psychotic can a woman be and why?
    Seriously!
    Why?

    Reply
    • August 23, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Michael,
      My son is in the same psychotic situation. I don’t know how to cope with this situation. In the 7 years they have been together this is the first time I have interacted with a person so vindictive and pure evil. I honestly did not recognize how bad she actually is.
      I was called a liar, a bully, and accused of taking advantage of her.
      But today I look back at certain events and realize it was all fake emotions and concern. She mentally filed away my reactions and my vulnerability so she knew which files to pull at a later date. I’m a quiet person, easy going, trusting, but after experiencing this I have a difficult time believing in people and whether their intentions are sincere. I Don’t know if my son understands her manipulation or if he does and feels damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I worry about him and I see the exhaustion in his eyes. But how do I approach him? I tried 2 years ago but she manipulated him in to having another kid. I could tell he wanted to get out. He doesn’t talk to me about anything anymore. I politely drop hints about what’s going on. But I cry for him and for my grandkids, unsure when I will hug and play with them again.
      It’s very painful to observe. Someone please help me……..

      Reply
      • August 24, 2017 at 1:44 pm

        JV?
        Thank you.
        I fully understand.
        My situation is constantly unraveling but the thing about it is; I am yet to enjoy the recovering experiences of saying it’s behind me.
        As even now if I do say something negative about it or her I would not be safe to say it directly to her or mostly to anyone close to her.
        She’s like the best pet dog which just bit me and I can’t scold it until I could get a point about its leach length through to her owner.
        Or owners:
        And she could bite again anytime because she know I am smarter than to kick or scream at the dog who’s being walked in public without a leach.
        So that’s my unfolding delima and God help me it’s like a stage 4 emotional cancer.

        Now on your situation I perceive it’s partly trivial – because kids do grow up!
        Most kids will want to connect with grand parents.
        Grand parents must find groups which updates them on kid trends or kid social trends – once grand dads a updated reconnecting with grand kids would be unceasing.
        It is important to know especial social gadgets or events.
        A pal I know suffered a stroke and moved from New York to Florida and lost contact with his son who was still live Ng with his mother in New York.
        They were never married.
        But I ask how old was his son and as soon as he heard about a festival called Comicon he was able to rekindle almost long term communications of interest to his son.
        Grand dads surely are different and daughter in laws are quite cold if grand dad is not on her a list of most wanted persons around.
        Just note:
        Kids Do Grow Up!
        It’s not really that bad so give it some time.
        M

        Reply
      • August 25, 2017 at 9:34 pm

        Michael,
        Thank you so much for reading my comment. I appreciate when someone can give me a different perspective. My situation might be trivial but it hurts just the same. I was more focused on your emotions and the humiliation you are going through. I felt my son might have to face the same emotional rollercoaster one day.
        I know… when your kids become adults they are responsible for their own decisions. As I said before it’s painful to observe. I sincerely believe one day there will be light at the end of your tunnel. You may not fully recover but you will have some peace and my support 🙂

        Reply
      • August 26, 2017 at 5:39 pm

        JV; Granted; in that case it won’t be near trivial at all.
        I just couldn’t imagine a Dad having to do accurately interpret his sons delima.
        I however think both your son’s and I am lucky for a certain situation:
        Your son for the fact that he’d already have inspired his seed in essence his fathers also. For that all inept narcissisms may take a back seat in the line of your heritage.
        A woman died at sea purporting that she’d taken her son “Ellen” from Cuba or Castro as it were. Their American Cuban families couldn’t accept that it’s possible narcissistic to say the boys biological dad should not have custody.
        Even the boy was ‘5’ today he’s ’21’ and the Americans did a movie about his life. Outside of that he’s happy intelligent young man with his father.
        God Rest His mothers soul in peace. She was separated not divorced and the father was about to miss his sons 6th birthday.
        There’s no justice in any of that but livelihoods of people in commons and prestige live off of its outcome.
        So cheerUp! When a child is born Angela in heaven sing saying thank you and for that child or children you could be at peace.
        Hang in there.
        For me I’m I guess out of the tangle too – because she was not my wife, she only code me into feeling a life in a wife and a new kid may be that thing she’d bring with her – but I got trapped.
        She doesn’t care, she actually never did, she was only seeing herself where she’s at right now.
        That’s good for her.
        In the interim the only thing I’ve totally lost is time and the seldom emotions I could have ever given and devoted to someone so darkly.
        I might have been the beasts from the beauty, but even that beasts was not totally betrayed by a narcissist.

        So yep! I’ll be on my was like the ‘Hobbo-Dog” searching relentlessly for my masterful healing.
        Boy!
        Did she did me.
        M

        Reply
  • August 25, 2017 at 1:08 am

    The more I am encountered with these individuals the more I am having a hard time coping. I know I suffer from Narcissistic Abuse but I don’t know how to get myself well. I am at the point that I do not trust anyone and I know that is not a good place to be. Both my parents were narcissistic and even at a time when the term was not popular I figured it out as a young girl growing up in the 60’s and 70’s. My parents, in my opinion are mentally ill. I have since worked for many narcissistic people some supervisors and owners of their own companies. The last two experiences were absolutely awful. I was being absolutely tortured by a so-called Director for several years. She down-played everything and blamed me for everything in the classroom when I was actually the person who was very conscientious and correcting things that the lead teacher did or didn’t do. I tried to speak to the owner after 3 years of it and the owner wouldn’t listen to me and threatened me. She told me she would call an officer and have me removed from her business. I asked one question: I was concerned about a boy not getting his milk (he was 1 yrs. old). I had mentioned it to management and nobody got back with me. She promptly picked up the phone and called the police on me. This happened to me 8 months ago and to be honest I am severely traumatized. I have had no record with the police. I did nothing wrong that day and this woman took advantage of her power over me and tried to twist things around and put it back on me. I left my job that day, punched out and didn’t look back. My background is intact but regretfully I found another job that was the same way within 2 months. I had not worked through it I guess and attracted the same situation. I resigned from the next job because I could see this woman was very, very dangerous and crazy. I really think this is a mental disorder that is far more dangerous than we realize. These individuals have the ability to really destroy a person’s life and to harm them in lots of different ways. I have been in contact with at least 10 of them because I attract them like flies. I am terrified to get another job because I read that narcissistics are 1 in 4 which is a high number. You only need one to get you in all kinds of trouble. They will turn everyone against you. I have worked with people that really liked me, if not really thought the world of me and I could tell they trusted me, but the narcissistic managed to turn them against me. It is so devastating. The last woman was even worse than the others in some ways. She turned my boss against me and I called out sick because I didn’t want to quit but I couldn’t go in. He yelled at me. He told me to get a doctor’s note if I was indeed sick and to get someone lined up and not to just call out, unacceptable. I couldn’t handle it because he had an attitude towards me after he spoke to her and she lied. I was shaking with a red face and I actually looked guilty when I knew I didn’t do anything. It was such a horrible feeling because they make you doubt yourself. She made me into a monster and I was nothing but accommodating to her. I told her I would do it. She kept on berating me and tearing me down and making me like a useless person calling me lazy and telling me that I have a horrible personality and treat people like “crap”. I now know she was projecting. This was all the things she felt about herself and she dumped everything on me. These people are sick. They care nothing for the human race. They kiss up to people who can do something for them, like management. They turn on the charm when they want something. Otherwise, they are evil. This is a psychiatric illness. I really think these people are suffering from something that perhaps they have no control over, like schizophrenia, but its narcissism. This is a serious mental disorder and we need to look at it differently. These people are ruthless. They are cutthroat and do not care what they do or say and are tyrants. They have no empathy whatsoever and are not in touch with reality. They are sick. I cannot get away from them. Everywhere I go someone ruins it for me.

    Reply
    • August 25, 2017 at 11:24 am

      Dear Nisey,
      You are over it i.e. Narcissisims more than you could agree with yourself.
      The simple fact that you could quantify each unveiling circumstances is your focus and good intentions to win. To recover.
      Except to express with indignation i.e. Sic “they are sic” is probably counter productive in case persons like that do read these articles sometimes.
      It’s giving them armunition to defend themselves.
      A person with extreme levels of BiPolar disorders are i.e. Diagnosed as in much case mental disorders.
      But they are also what most percieve as i.e. Regular persons and they often can be liked quite easily.
      Take for example; an entire group or people can become narcissist i.e. In Brooklyn New York a broken down neighborhood is home to multiple Korean & Chinese retail Merchants who calls the police multiple times each day on blacks & minoriies and Report preEmptive acts of criminal behavior.
      A narcissist could do the same at a work place. May not call the police but preEmptively report to your boss.
      Lately I have discovered Social Media is fuel to the narcissist as they could work cunningly of of data found on social media.
      Soon today’s world is equivalent to getting use to the homeless on the streets, the pedophile in the shadows and the narcissist at our regular work places.
      It’s an unPoliceable Condition that’s already out of control.
      Your best bet is to not make your self and family become its potential collaterals.
      It could be damning.

      I’m recovering from the narcissistic bite or wound but it’s like a cancer that may need emotional chemotherapeutic help.
      Eventually it’s could ask you to change your life i.e. Friends work orders locations 100%.
      I’m not a doctor those are just my thoughts.

      M.

      Reply
  • August 30, 2017 at 7:53 am

    Thank you for taking the time to write this. The breakdown on the information, espically about how the abuse breaks the abused down into fragments(pieces) describes it perfectly. After 45 years I am understanding why I function the way I do.
    I ALWAYS would get so upset when having panic attacks and I would be asked “what are you so anxious for” it was a question I never knew the answer to!!!!

    Molested as a child by my father with my mom knowing and then her moving out leaving me and my sisters with him. Oh that was just the beginning of my whole abusive life, from boyfriend, bosses, co-workers, and finally my husband of 24 years. The abuse was all sick and twisted whereas it would make the average persons hair stand on ends just listening.

    The article I am certain, sums the whole thing up.
    So well written, thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  • August 30, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    This article showed up in my Google News in the health section.
    After reading, I feel I might exhibit some of the narcissistic behaviors described here.
    I can say without a doubt that I love my Wife but we seem to argue all the time and we both say extremely hurtful things to each other but I will do things to ‘punish’ when I feel wronged like disable the internet or leave the kitchen a mess. It is unbelievably sad and childish and I wish I could get to the root cause and undo it because it’s a sickness that is eating at our household. It has come to the point where we will resolve an issue and be fine for a few days but the most insignificant issue can be both our undoing. We (both) can go from 0-100 in seconds. I am hyper critical (i should let things go) I feel I carry more of the financial burden (true, but I overlook her everyday contributions). I could go on. At times the arguments we have make me feel like I am going crazy. I have also considered that possibly my years of narcissism (if this is the case) has contributed to who my wife is now and that this is just a mirror of the world I created. I am pretty sure I am an asshole and many of these 11-signs spoke to me. I don’t want to be this way or continue any longer.

    How do I go about undoing entire characteristics of myself?

    Reply
    • November 17, 2017 at 9:47 pm

      I’m no professional, but by you admitting to having possible narcisstic traits and wanting to change sounds to me like you’re taking a step in the right direction. I’ve heard that a hardcore narcisst would never admit to doing anything wrong and wouldn’t want to change. The problem is, where to go for help?

      Reply
  • August 30, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    Thank you for your research. I left after 37 yrs of marriage and controlled by a wild man
    making believe I had no skills, I was overweight @ 130 lbs. I left on foot. NO car, no
    clothes except my running shoes. Safe at last. NO, I ended up at my mothers house, she
    needed me to help, since she had dementia. So I thought I was being a great help. NO
    my other siblings didn’t want me there after several months. They put an eviction notice
    on my bedroom door, said they would call the sheriff and have me removed in 30 days.
    Talk about PTSS yes I have had it now for fours years. I don’t have any contact with
    any siblings and mother is deceased now. And they kept me from visiting her on her last
    days alive. So I feel like a freak. A worthless living women of age 70. I speak to no one for days at a time. I sleep just to get over another day. This is what it is like
    leaving abusive husband after 37 years. I’m safe, but no soul in me, no smile.

    Reply
    • November 25, 2017 at 6:52 pm

      Narcissism is an absolute epidemic. You are not alone.

      Reply
  • September 11, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    72 year old female left my husband after 5 year relationship.So much verbal abuse and criticism constantly.Ten years sober gone after suicide attempt and relapse.I felt so hopeless,I could not end this relationship and he would not leave.I still have a lot of shame but i finally found the courage to end the insanity.We are seperated and i have gone no contact for 8 months.I ve rely on my 12 step family for support.I am finally giving up being a victim.I didn’t know that everything was intentional It was planned and executed.All the control and manipulation was planned.The person i became i didn’t recognize.Rage anger almost daily.I begin to see i could not live in that state of mind.I had to leave or i would die in this relatioship.Grateful to have made it out.Still work to be done to intergrate this experience

    Reply
  • November 25, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    My fear is that if I divorce my N, I will have to pay alimony and will be left financially worse than I am now. To sum things up, when I married my N he had a part time job and pursued his art as a hobby. Soon after we married he quit that job to focus on his art. At first I was supportive, as he does actually have talent. But then I soon learned that he was not willing to do the hard work to make it as an artist (go to shows, promote himself, etc) and was just spinning in circles wondering why no one was buying his art. When I offered suggestions he would blow up in my face, call me profanities, and accuse me of not helping him sell his art. Mind you I am the one with the full-time job. I knew that he sensed that I was no longer supportive of his not working and would blow up at me for everything. I started and still do hate coming home from work because I know I will be screamed at for something. He exhibits every symptom of a “victim narcissist,” including the rages, inability to accept responsibility, and inflated sense of his importance to the world. Everyone wonders why I haven’t left him. Yes, I know I need to consult with a lawyer, but I fear it is cheaper to keep him as my finances are very tight without any income from him for years. I keep hoping that he will just leave on his own. He’s threatened many times that he will go find someone who truly understands and supports him. I really hope he does so I am off the hook. I never imagined marriage would be like this.

    Reply
  • December 17, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Hello , i am also victim of Narcissistic Abuse, my wife she is. Really i start to feel sick from all this. last 2 months i talk with psychologist and help me so much, to find power for all this. I have one baby 6 months, otherwise i will had take divorce…but.. last week first time i left from house, and she was so afraid about this. But really i am afraind about my health…i want to see my child to grow up …can u help with any tips about how to confort her behaviour .

    Reply
  • January 25, 2018 at 1:21 am

    Hello, I’m involved with a narcissist other man. I’m still currently married 27 years (no feelings, he’s cheated for most of my marriage) but looking to move out asap. Well the N whom I thought was the love of my life and still do think that has become so controlling, he verbally abuses me, puts me down, has slowly made me isolated from many friends and family. I tried escaping but after a couple of days or at most a week, he manages to constantly call and leave messages and even show up at my job unannounced. I’ve cried and cried so much and we make up and give it 3-4 days we’re arguing again. He’s extremely jealous and if I don’t answer his calls he freaks out, he asks who I’m speaking to who am I seeing. He’s younger than I am and can be with any other woman younger but he’s fixated on me. Yes we have great chemistry and the love is there but he’s using it against me. He can be super sweet make me breakfast, he isn’t lazy, wants to financially help me when I do move out. He does care but wants total control on who I speak to where I go how long I stay if I even get to go…even family functions are a big deal to him. It’s like he wants a life with me but I don’t want the control he has over me. My soon to be ex husband didn’t really pay any mind to me because he basically never loved me. We barely talk or even argue because there’s nothing left of the marriage and I’m just going to leave. And the other man the N has helped me in a way to become stronger but he’s bringing me down at the same time. I love him and I’m scared of the future.

    Reply
  • August 25, 2018 at 4:53 pm

    This article was SSSOOOO hard to read! And that’s because I see myself all in it as an abuse victim. Every symptom discussed (except self harm and suicide thoughts), I have experienced. I’ve known that some people are narcissist, but I never ever thought that the behavior of a narcissist could be psychologically abusive. I am all in this article and I had to force myself to read it—to read it talk about me and what I’m going through!. My heart hurts and my stomach turns all at the same time. I’ve only been in marriage for 3 years but involved for 6. And I find myself feeling like a let out balloon- just deflated and void of energy and lack of focus and lack of motivation and poor self-esteem. I gotta get out for my own health. And yes, there is a strong emotional connection to my abuser; but I gotta go. To the Writer of this article- Thank You for taking time to write and publish this. It’s not by accident that I stumbled upon this today. I pray for all the victims that you would be strong and start to speak POSITIVE WORDS to yourself. The Bible is a great source to inform YOU of who YOU are and about the promises that GOD has for YOU. I get thru my day with a lot of positive self-talk and a lot of tears- but I pray to God that He uses the tears to water the great seeds that I’ve sewn and to wash out the negative people and thoughts from my life. God Bless you all.

    Reply
  • November 20, 2018 at 9:01 am

    Within this blog I will change the names of various people for obvious reasons.
    Before I get into my personal experience I want to tell you a little bit about myself.

    I am 24 years old and come from a small village. For not being on this world too long I have had my fair share of bad experiences, struggles and bullying, don’t get me wrong I’ve had some great times too! I am a very happy person and love making people smile! I have an excellent awareness of human behaviour and I am very good at picking up on my external environment. Perhaps this comes from taking in my environment from such a young age and watching various people interact before I would decide who ‘my sorts of people’ are. I like to get to know people before getting too close to them. I have an excellent gut feeling for things and I trust it entirely. I am very well educated and can’t learn enough about everything.
    I have seen and experienced how tough life can be so making someones day could mean everything to them! I love giving to people, whether its knowledge, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judgement or some help to the little pupils that I tutor maths to. I love my life and look forward to many more chapters in my book of life that I have left to live.
    I have the most wonderful boyfriend, we are very much in love and happy together. He is my rock, my inspiration, my world, my personal bodyguard, my shoulder to cry on, my supporter, my everything. And my favourite thing about him is that he can make me smile…even on my worst days! Things have not always been so rosy for us. We have been together almost 17 months and for 16 of them we have endured as much hell on earth as two people could endure. We are both very much on the road to a brighter better future and are growing so much as individuals and as a couple. We may only have been together for 17 months but with everything we have overcome it feels like 17 years!! My journey with him is what has prompted me to have this blog. What I have experienced with his ‘female parent’ is like nothing I have ever encountered before. After months and months and months I learned that she was a narcissistic woman and after further reading almost a year and a half later I have come to learn that she is in fact a psychopath. I will share my experience with you over the next couple of months and hope that you find some form of comfort in it. I am out the other end of all of it, it has been a roller coaster of events to say the least. The end result has been a court protective order for myself and no contact with the female psychopath for both myself and my boyfriend. I don’t think I have ever cried more over an event in my life than I have over my experience with this woman. For the purpose of my blog I will call her, Sandy.

    ABUSE
    Abused victims don’t have to have bruises to be abused, you don’t need anyone to agree with you that its bad enough to be classified as abuse, you don’t need to be strangers for it to be abuse!! You are not the reason for the abuser treating you as they are! You haven’t done anything wrong! You are NOT the problem. No you do NOT deserve to be treated this way and YES YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, DESPITE WHAT THEY TELL YOU!!! AND YOU DO MATTER!!!
    Abusers aren’t always men, despite the stereotype. Woman can be the most dangerous, manipulating and controlling individuals you will ever meet. In fact she could be your mother!! I have been very lucky in that I have been raised in a very loving home with my mum, dad and three amazing sisters. My mum has always been and will always be my best friend. She is there for me through everything. I had thought that all mothers were like her, obviously mine being the best lol, I felt all mothers loved their children and would do anything and everything to show them care, love, compassion, respect and generally build their children up to be strong people. Surely that’s all a mother would want, for her children to be happy and live their lives to the fullest!! This sadly is not the case for the poor children of narcissistic and psychopathic women.
    I just want to let people know most importantly that just because someone is your parent, or your teacher or your doctor or your sibling doesn’t mean that they won’t abuse you. Abuse has many different forms it can be some of or all of the following: physical, mental and emotional. As a society we need to stop telling people to ‘just get along’ or ‘look over’ what someone is doing to them simply because of their relationship with the abuser. Who is an outsider to tell you what is right or wrong anyway? No one knows how you feel more than you. Just because someone had a loving family doesn’t mean that everyone else also has.
    We live in a society where suicide rates are constantly increasing, yet as a society we continue to put pressure on people to have relationships with their parents, to look a certain way and to be behave in a certain way. We form opinions on ourselves based on how many likes we get on social media, how pretty or handsome we are, how smart we are, how big our social circles are. Well, I would like to tell you that you are perfect in your own way, living your own life how you feel is best! Don’t be conformed by the opinions of others. This is something that I have always tried to live by and have gained a stronger mind set about since encountering the psychopath and watching my boyfriend gain his life back following his childhood and adolescent abuse. One of the most important things you have to remember is – never doubt or change who you are just because you are different or because someone doesn’t like you or thinks you should change. You get one life and its up to YOU how you live it!!!!
    Within this blog I will change the names of various people for obvious reasons.
    Before I get into my personal experience I want to tell you a little bit about myself.

    I am 24 years old and come from a small village. For not being on this world too long I have had my fair share of bad experiences, struggles and bullying, don’t get me wrong I’ve had some great times too! I am a very happy person and love making people smile! I have an excellent awareness of human behaviour and I am very good at picking up on my external environment. Perhaps this comes from taking in my environment from such a young age and watching various people interact before I would decide who ‘my sorts of people’ are. I like to get to know people before getting too close to them. I have an excellent gut feeling for things and I trust it entirely. I am very well educated and can’t learn enough about everything.
    I have seen and experienced how tough life can be so making someones day could mean everything to them! I love giving to people, whether its knowledge, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judgement or some help to the little pupils that I tutor maths to. I love my life and look forward to many more chapters in my book of life that I have left to live.
    I have the most wonderful boyfriend, we are very much in love and happy together. He is my rock, my inspiration, my world, my personal bodyguard, my shoulder to cry on, my supporter, my everything. And my favourite thing about him is that he can make me smile…even on my worst days! Things have not always been so rosy for us. We have been together almost 17 months and for 16 of them we have endured as much hell on earth as two people could endure. We are both very much on the road to a brighter better future and are growing so much as individuals and as a couple. We may only have been together for 17 months but with everything we have overcome it feels like 17 years!! My journey with him is what has prompted me to have this blog. What I have experienced with his ‘female parent’ is like nothing I have ever encountered before. After months and months and months I learned that she was a narcissistic woman and after further reading almost a year and a half later I have come to learn that she is in fact a psychopath. I will share my experience with you over the next couple of months and hope that you find some form of comfort in it. I am out the other end of all of it, it has been a roller coaster of events to say the least. The end result has been a court protective order for myself and no contact with the female psychopath for both myself and my boyfriend. I don’t think I have ever cried more over an event in my life than I have over my experience with this woman. For the purpose of my blog I will call her, Sandy.

    ABUSE
    Abused victims don’t have to have bruises to be abused, you don’t need anyone to agree with you that its bad enough to be classified as abuse, you don’t need to be strangers for it to be abuse!! You are not the reason for the abuser treating you as they are! You haven’t done anything wrong! You are NOT the problem. No you do NOT deserve to be treated this way and YES YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, DESPITE WHAT THEY TELL YOU!!! AND YOU DO MATTER!!!
    Abusers aren’t always men, despite the stereotype. Woman can be the most dangerous, manipulating and controlling individuals you will ever meet. In fact she could be your mother!! I have been very lucky in that I have been raised in a very loving home with my mum, dad and three amazing sisters. My mum has always been and will always be my best friend. She is there for me through everything. I had thought that all mothers were like her, obviously mine being the best lol, I felt all mothers loved their children and would do anything and everything to show them care, love, compassion, respect and generally build their children up to be strong people. Surely that’s all a mother would want, for her children to be happy and live their lives to the fullest!! This sadly is not the case for the poor children of narcissistic and psychopathic women.
    I just want to let people know most importantly that just because someone is your parent, or your teacher or your doctor or your sibling doesn’t mean that they won’t abuse you. Abuse has many different forms it can be some of or all of the following: physical, mental and emotional. As a society we need to stop telling people to ‘just get along’ or ‘look over’ what someone is doing to them simply because of their relationship with the abuser. Who is an outsider to tell you what is right or wrong anyway? No one knows how you feel more than you. Just because someone had a loving family doesn’t mean that everyone else also has.
    We live in a society where suicide rates are constantly increasing, yet as a society we continue to put pressure on people to have relationships with their parents, to look a certain way and to be behave in a certain way. We form opinions on ourselves based on how many likes we get on social media, how pretty or handsome we are, how smart we are, how big our social circles are. Well, I would like to tell you that you are perfect in your own way, living your own life how you feel is best! Don’t be conformed by the opinions of others. This is something that I have always tried to live by and have gained a stronger mind set about since encountering the psychopath and watching my boyfriend gain his life back following his childhood and adolescent abuse. One of the most important things you have to remember is – never doubt or change who you are just because you are different or because someone doesn’t like you or thinks you should change. You get one life and its up to YOU how you live it!!!!

    Reply
  • January 2, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    It’s been almost 13 years an now my abusive narcissistic ex is trying to come back but I feel like it’s my fault because I reached out to him an told him I forgave him for all the abuse when I wrote him I honestly thought I forgave him then I started talking to him on the phone an I began to pick up on the “low key “ putting me down it was indirect insults . Something I had talk to him about like dating sites an I laughed because my experience was awful with dating sites . Couple days later he brought it up an he’s words where you have to be really dispirit to go on a dating site you could never catch me on one of those things !! I sent him a letter telling him that I was wrong to think I wanted to be back with him an I can not deal with the abusive behavior! I feel like I have started something that this time I won’t be able to get myself out of !! Help please !! He also use to abuse me phically or come an find me and if I refused him it turned into physical abuse ! I use to tell people that if I died he killed me ! I was so stupid to think he had changed !!!

    Reply
  • January 2, 2019 at 9:13 pm

    It’s been almost 13 years an now my abusive narcissistic ex is trying to come back but I feel like it’s my fault because I reached out to him an told him I forgave him for all the abuse when I wrote him I honestly thought I forgave him then I started talking to him on the phone an I began to pick up on the “low key “ putting me down it was indirect insults

    Reply
  • January 5, 2019 at 11:16 pm

    I am the youngest partner of a narcissistic family business in a remote location where socializing mostly happens online. My narcissistic older sister has isolated me by denying me access to technology and any devices that would allow me to complete socially with her among mutual acquaintances. If I received positice attention she would call me names like narcissist and convince me that everyone hated me as much as she did. I only realized recently how jealous amd insecure she was and that she was isolating me to reduce competition. Today I managed to get access to some tbings I own thst she has locked out of my reach and she is really angry about it. I felt offended by her rage at first, then I realized it’s a sign that she is not in control and cannot stop me. So I guess I won, thoug it doesn’t feel like it in this toxic atmosphere. And the b**** just barged into my room to try to steal it back. I really hate her.

    Reply
  • February 3, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    This is an excellent article. I have been brought up in a family with a malignant narcissist and a narcissist. I left as soon as I could at 18 1/2 yrs, I had good relationships with my husband Jimmy and Alan and Kevin. After 12 yrs. of good relationships and living on my own I went to visit someone I met in my past. His name is Larry, He raped me and disabled me, I had the pain of fire for over 27 yrs from a disease he gave me. He was a domestic violator and a Malignant Narcissist , he was grandiose, self seeking, all about himself, could not feel empathy or love and had no conscience, I tried to leave him several times, I was bed ridden at the age of 31, he destroyed my jobs , opened my mail and signed my name, telling them I didn’t want the job, I did want the job, I would have a pension if he didn’t do that. He financially starved me, he controlled everything and would not allow me any money. He was violent and left me to die of a cardiac arrest, he led me to 3 suicide attempts. He left me bleeding to death after he threw me through the window and just turned put a pink leash on his dog and went for a walk, I was screaming for help, but that’s what he did. He in 2005 gave the key to our condo to a neighbor on the end of the street, he had cld the police earlier in the day and said that I was all bruised and was going to blame him. When the police arrived to my surprise they told me this and I said I wasn’t bruised at all, I had shorts on and they could see that, so they said they would ask him to leave for 3 days, during that time someone opened the deadbolt in the night at about 1:30 am in the morning. I relocked it quick, and it happened real fast again. It kept happening, I cld Larry and asked who it was, he said let them in. I said NO, I don’t know who it is. That locked opened to fast it was clearly a key unlocking it. I cld the police and they just laughed, then the 3rd time they broke in and beat me half to death into a coma for 2 weeks, the Police went over to where he was staying and asked him what happened to me, he said I was Psychotic and Bi Polar which I am not and a drug addict which I don’t do drugs but he was a hippee who did. It is now on my social security number and the hospitals don’t listen when I’m sick because they think I must be crazy. It reads in the ER Reports that they are confused because patient seems sane and it says she has this disorder so they ignore my heart issues, and as a result I had a cardiac arrest. I left him when he again raped me in 2015. I went to Raleigh, NC to get out of there, and met up with another predator who stoled all my money that I had saved to leave Larry. He is also a Malignant Narcissist. He woke me up with such horrific pain and all the abandonment feelings he brought up and the infantile regression patterns I went through. I realize that I am not a child anymore and that I can take care of myself and its up to me, I am now only with supportive caring loving people, who are fully capable of empathy. It has been a long hard road to getting out of this. What helped me the most was knowing what I would go through to get out. Going No Contact and learning how to be compassionate with myself. I dreamed I saw a woman that I wanted forgiveness from she would not forgive me, then I went to sleep again and dreamed she was there again and I begged her to forgive me, she said No and then yes, then I dreamed again that I asked her for forgiveness she said yes, then I dreamed that I asked her for forgiveness to make sure it was real and it was. Then I awoke I wanted to share this with other survivors, we can do it, it is hard work but it can be done, I made him my purpose all that attention I gave him how isolated I was, gave up my dreams and living my life for his approval and walking on eggshells. Never was that good enough, and when I needed him he never cared.. I was alone in love, I gave and gave and gave, But that can all be healed, when we come back to ourselves feel the pain and know that the only way through is out and we will get out I promise every survivor. Its an addiction and conditioning, get support its out there in groups and a therapist. I promise you this, I did it , you certainly can also, I am not stronger than anyone else, we were just brainwashed and conditioned, I have learned all about this disorder and its imperative I believe to learn all about it and then some more, its sort of like AA, the big book and when they do the steps, we have to remind ourselves of the red flags and slipping, but eventuallty you will come through it. Please reach out for help and know you are not alone, we care and are here. Taylor

    Reply
  • March 1, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    I am still in shock to see how many syptoms apply to my 19 year marriage as he walked out the door to pursue his coworker love interest.
    The trauma still remains but I can finally see clearly now that I have NO contact with the JERK FACE AND HIS Twin partner in crime…
    For almost a year I had my ex , his F BUDDY and my son constantly telling me to ” JUST KILL MYSELF” .
    It begins to wear on a person and I was the one wanting to END IT ALL.
    I am thankful now that I have had a chance to regroup and focus on my future alone or what ever it brings me.
    At least now I dont have someone in my life lying to me 24/7 , twisted the truth and making it his own version of Confusion, anxiety , despair, aggression, purposely doing things to destroy the ME as well as the so called Marriage .
    She did me a favor. I am finally free! She thinks she is better than me and I am the FAIL in ALL aspects of life.
    Give it a few years or more now that they live together. She supporting him our son in college chose to live with them. Along with her 14 year old son ..
    So thankful to be able to think clear most times now.

    Reply
  • March 3, 2019 at 3:03 am

    Please, please recognize that not all covert narcissists will verbally or physically abuse. They can be extremely passive aggressive, and extremely malignant. They will drive you to suicide and walk away undetected with everyone’s sympathy.

    Reply
  • April 3, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    This is def me from my screwed up family. such artificial and greedy beyond words

    Reply
  • April 14, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    Thanks for the life saving article, if you only knew how much I needed this information. I’m been in a narcissistic marriage for close to eight years. It’s embarrassing to admit but I have always had some form of addiction or self medicated to make me forget the life I have been living.

    Along with serious mental and physical issues as a result of my service as a combat Infantryman with 43 months deployed in the Middle East. My service alone has already restricted my life and impacts me on a daily’s basis. I’m losing my wits end and been contemplating just ending my life. But we have a daughter that I love to death and I’m worried she is being raised wrong.

    Everyone in our marriage life, knows of my addictions /issues which she so openly tells to everyone. I understand she is using people to feed her narcissm and to isiolate me more than she already has.

    I’m the last 6 months, I would up one day and realized I was living in a fog and began to piece everything together. Since I discovered her sickness, I have been presenting facts to her and family members (who already been pursuaded by this psycho) to voice my side of the story. She even has me fooled into making me believe that I’m getting delusional .

    I could go on and on. Eight years of this and I know it can’t be fixed. I have a six year old girl and my wife is German. She has already threatened to take her with if we divorce. That’s mostly the reason I have stayed here and lived with this. I understand my addictions will hurt my chances of ever keeping my daughter and it breaks my heart.

    I know what must be done, even if deep down inside I’m still in love with my wife and the fear of losing my kid. Your article is a blessing and just being able to read the words and relate has given me the support I needed. Keep up the good work and the world is lucky to have your insight.

    PR3

    Reply
    • July 10, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      PR3, please – don’t EVER give up your fight! I’ve been in relationship with a narcissistic abuser for 13 years now. We are struggling to keep our relationship together. Ultimately, I think we will fail because of the damage that’s been done. PLEASE, DON’T ALLOW YOUR ABUSER TO CONTROL YOU – FOR YOUR DAUGHTER’S SAKE, if not for your OWN. <3 After reading your post, I'm not convinced of your love for your wife, but I do believe in your love for your child. PLEASE, don't operate from a place of fear … your daughter's future, and your own, depend upon it. Sending you much love and light to fight the good fight. <3

      Reply
  • May 23, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    My older son is facing the horror of sending his younger brother to prison for fraud and embezzlement after being drained of $600,000.00 of his wife’s inheritance. He also forged and committed fraud to cheat him off the title of a valuable property. He has been drinking himself into a stupor, using drugs, crying, damaging his wife and kid’s relationship and other self destructive behavior while his brother laughs st him for being ” dumb”. He has a strong case against his brother but can’t live with sending him to prison, or just letting him get away with stealing his wife’s money – which his wife is not on board with. He calls his brother crying. PLEASE don’t make me go through with this. It’s a horrible, horrible dilema.

    Reply
  • September 24, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    Why does my husband say the house is his (which is false/it is jointly held) and wants the kids out (they are not self sufficient at their age) and says the pension is his because he started this before we married. He is micromanaging household duties and gets angry easily. His behavior has worsened in the past year; hit me “accidentally” in his sleep twice. I am trying to find a job.

    Reply
  • September 25, 2019 at 7:15 am

    I’m not sure what to do but my mother who is now 73 yrs old has been married for 50 plus yrs to my father that I believe has a narcissistic personality, but because of his heavy drinking when in the military from age 19. He recently had a stroke and was diagnosed with alzheimers and dementia. He can hardly speak but still is very cruel and mean always for no reason. I read about dementia and it stated the the core of the person’s personality is what surfaces. Presently he is in a facility but wants to go back home. My mom is also raising my grandson who is now 14 yrs old. I am involved in raising him as well. His mother is unable to parent and is extremely egocentric.
    I was reading the 11 Signs You’re the Victim of Narcisstic Abuse and my mother is struggling with all 11 of them. She has lost 60 lbs, depressed and always talks about dying. I have talked to her many times about getting support but she doesn’t trust anyone. My concern is that my dad will return and it will start all over again as it did when I was a child. I don’t know what to do! Or how to stop this from happening. Can u give me any advice?

    Reply
  • November 25, 2019 at 6:34 am

    I just recognised what is happening to me.
    It’s like the sun came up! To have a qualified person describe my ” partner ” to a T. is mind boggling. It’s as if she met him.
    The man is an addict and has walked out numerous times. The relationship began with fake compliments, promises and love-bombing most definately. It ended with insults, criticism and abuse from the Narcissist. He is a very dangerous person, because so convincing.
    It’s hard to believe someone would go to such lengths to twist a story and fabricate a personality. But it’s true. The hard part is believing this lovely guy I once loved is the lowest of the low. I felt like a fool.
    He is a religious narcissist; he quotes the Koran at me and has really pushed his religion on me (I am a Christian but open to educating myself about peoples’ beliefs. But his hard line approach to religion was so off putting and not at all like the peace- loving God -fearing people I grew up with.)
    I would not leave my faith. In retaliation he called my place a Satan household, yet there is so much love in our home, we adore each other, my kids and me. I realise now just how much he tried to ruin my family. This from a crack -smoking, thieving, anti -social psychopath who steals from his friends and makes his sad early years an excuse for his horrible behaviour towards people.
    He moves on, from town to town because he has made so many enemies and has no choice.
    It is a blessing that he’s gone for good. I can breathe and start to feel happy again. He brought bad weather with him and an atmosphere of dread and pessimism that was depressing. Everything was someone else’s fault.
    He called me all sorts of things to try to beat me down. But I have never shown weakness. He himself is weak, he indulges himself to a sickening extent in drugs, alcohol, food etc etc and seems unable to resist any temptation. Yet I’m the one who is going to hell!
    Not buying it. In fact his stupidity and ignorance were starting to show.
    Basically he requested I study the Koran or we could not get married. I viewed this as blackmail.I resisted and that caused mayhem.
    I discussed this pressure to convert with Muslim friends and was told it was not necessary to convert to Islam when marrying.and that his views were highly suspect. He kept disappearing for days, even weeks, to punish me, this was mental torture for me, but he could not give a damn, not even bothering to make excuses or call. I was foolish, sympathised with his mental illness issues and allowed him to come back several times.This is not perceived as kindness by the Narcissist, but weakness, to be further exploited. They are testing boundaries all the time. Never give a Narcissist a second chance, nip it in the bud right there.
    He lied about his drug use, saying he only used weed. But I know it is anything he can lay his hands on. He looks like an addict now, front teeth gone, weighs 9 stone soaking wet (He had a great physique, was 14 stone, worked out, tall, good looking.)
    I tried so hard, supported him even in prison, but like a mad dog he turned on me and from that day things got worse.
    I’m an artist and he is jealous of my success. I have kept up the drawing and painting and things are going so well I have been invited to lecture in the U.S and Europe.
    This makes him furious but I won’t surrender.This is an area no-one can touch not even my five kids who I love to bits. This is MY art, MY life.
    He says he doesn’t like art, that people should not be depicted in art. It’s not Islamic.
    I say that’s your opinion.
    I realise there are only snakes and good people.
    I no longer care if he lives or dies, he has done so much evil in his life, burnt all his boats and bridges. He even admits he’s hurt a lot of people, but in a way he takes pride in this, in breaking hearts. He is a sadistic person and it shows. But he is running out of luck, he is nearly forty and has nothing, moves from woman to woman and has to always jump before he gets pushed.
    But I still pray for him, he is a lost soul, shattered as a child, into pieces.
    When preparing to leave a Narcissist I strongly suggest holding on to what you enjoy doing, get out of the house, prepare for some sleepless nights, anxiety and pain. Hold your head up and leave. I’m lucky the flat is mine, he was trying to take over and I wouldn’t allow it.
    Not being able to control things bored him and he could see there was no room for him to have power over me. My children are grown and protective. They thought I’d lost my mind bringing such a low life into the family home. They saw through him immediately. Listen to your family!
    Don’t worry about the welfare of the Narcissist after you dump them; they will find another victim soon enough. Find your courage and face them down. Meditation helps, and prayer.
    Peace is priceless.

    Reply
  • December 28, 2019 at 1:15 pm

    I have a friend and I read this article and then wrote her this email… I dont know what else to do … this guy is gonna end up hurting her…

    To some degree you are all 11 of these traits.I see them in you every day even when you are happy.You have a very serious problem and you’ve known it for a long time. I believe the treating you the way that I have treated you over the past year has at least opened your eyes and made you think that there is a possibility this world could actually bring you happiness.You are in a very real and very dangerous situation and the only way to be safe is to completely leave it.You cannot change him you cannot make this better the only thing you can do is walk away from a person like you are with.Staying with him will only make things worse for you. Understand that a person that gives out guilt trips like they are candy.. a control freak that is willing to do anything it takes to control any situation and a narcissistic manipulator are all one in the same person.
    and if you do not bow to their every whim and every wish their only desire is to destroy you.You need to read this article and probably you need to read it twice. You need to get over your fear of actually being happy… This world is not a bad and hateful place but there are bad and hateful people in this world…And you deserve better. How much more I can take of this entirely depends on you… I will always completely be your friend and I will always have your back and I will always be there for you.
    But I see you day after day doing the same things over and over and over there is no progress there is no moving forward. Every time you have made a stride you step back two steps. Because every time you make a stride he sees it and he attacks you again and put you back in your place. And instead of being empowered by your own emotions and your own sense of pride and loving yourself… You revert back into a true victim and fall in line letting him control and dominate your life.
    you told me that he watches all those shows on TV ..understand that all of the shows are dramatized and built up to make them way worse than what they actually are… But you are in one of those shows… And he is the perpetrator.. there’s a good chance that he watches the shows and gets into them so much because he identifies with the abuser on a level you can’t even imagine. he is abusive to you and I wish that you could actually see your relationship from the outside in. I wish you could see the things that he does to you from a perspective that you have never seen before….All you have to do is watch those shows with him and I almost guarantee that you would identify with the victims and he will identify with the abusers….I bet he understands why some of those people did the things that they did…I bet some of them people he actually feels justified for….I thought about this for a long time and this is something that you don’t want to discuss and that you don’t like to hear because it is reality and he has you programmed to dismiss all of the stuff as not real … But it is very real and you are right in the middle of it.
    Like I said you need to read this article below and you need to really take heart… There is a happy life out there for you…But as long as you stay in the cage that you are in you will live the life that you have.You are the only person with the power to change your life …you are the only person with the power to make yourself happy…. No one else can do it for you. The control and then mindfuck that he has over you this is truly on an epic level…you have told me that if you leave you think he may kill himself… And Jesus Christ you told me he can’t even figure out how to sign into a new payroll company…..that is from one extreme to the next and that is all manipulation and that is all control…. It is complete bullshit….It seems that week after week you tell me something new about this guy that lets me see farther into you being held prisoner in a life as built around his entire feelings and his entire world and has nothing to do with any of your happiness or anything you actually even want out of life… You simply do not matter to him but you are his and he owns you and he possesses you and that is the only thing that he wants from you. I sit and I watch this day after day. I see you make a breakthrough and I see that you see something… And he sees it also and that is when he attacks you… That is when you revert back to the beginning… It will always be this way it will never change… Unless you change it.This man will beat you down one minute and the next minute tell you he’s sorry and that you’re the greatest thing in the world that right there in itself is the very definition of narcissism and manipulation….
    What he’s doing to you is abuse… He is an abusive person by nature and he will not change…and you need to understand that you are being abused…Sometimes physical abuse is even easier than mental abuse because broken bones will eventually heal… But a broken mind a broken spirit and a broken will…. Those things sometimes can never be fixed.

    Reply
    • April 12, 2020 at 1:21 pm

      Great post

      Reply
    • May 22, 2020 at 12:58 am

      Jack, I read your comment as my best friend writing to me about my boyfriend. Please send her that, Jack. Your post really made me think about why the hell am I still with this guy, still, after everything he has taken from me. I have to get out of this cage. Thank you for your comment.

      Reply
  • January 13, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    I am 53 years old and escaped a narc by the skin of my teeth and as I was researching this subject the scales fell from my eyes I have been a victim of this abuse since birth and it’s still continuing today. I have isolated my self away argued with my children who are now beginning to spout her bile or careless disrespect and have ptsd and severe trust issues the more I read this article the more I wanted to cry at the complete betrayal of my trust every put down every time I was told I had a problem I was too emotional and downright lies about my mothers behaviour I always assumed that I was worthless because if my own mother could not bring herself to love me I must be worthless beyond belief thank you so much for this post I am going to speak to an mental health support worker now I can see it’s not me I wasn’t imaging things my mother ticked every box of your seven signs you are being abused and I am not going to allow her to destroy one more ounce of my soul

    Reply
  • January 27, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    This is SO MY BROTHER!! We were close as teenagers then, I don’t know. Now he is judgmental, self righteous, and has smear campaigns everywhere. I’ve had three ppl in the last two months tell me things he’s told them. He even convinced my 80 yr old mother in the nursing home to sign pots that don’t let me on my mom and dad’s place! My dad’s been dead 20 yrs, if he was here he wouldn’t act like that!!

    Reply
  • February 12, 2020 at 1:34 pm

    Adding to my story, things have became more complicated. I’m currently in a situation that would allow me to be closer to my kid and try to make things work out. I wish i could completely blame my spouse’s mental health on my current situation, but i would be lying to myself and it is not something I want to make a habit or learn to live with.

    I realized that I had to beat my wife at her own game, using facts and threats to get her attention. She still has her issues and they come to light but tend to fade away. i feel as if she is playing nice for the benefit of having me around and to be financially stable. She has admitted that she has issues but still denies having a problem that requires medication and therapy.

    I also decided to let go of the past and not to hold any grudges. I realized everything happens for a reason and the best thing is to stay positive and hope for the best. I also decided to take additional steps and plan for the end of our marriage, which may or may not come. I try not to focus on it and live in the moment. The day i feel as if I’m not happy is the day I walk.

    All you can do in this day and time is be a good person, be positive and share everything you have with loved ones. I don’t only mean spending time with them, I mean sharing love, happiness, sadness, faith, and hope. But most importantly, you need to realize that happiness relies completely on you. There may be times where you don’t have the confidence, money issues or you have children that may be keeping you from walking out or leaving the situation. Sometimes you just have to take the chance and hope for the best. With no risk, comes no reward.

    Start your day by loving yourself, being honest with yourself and deciding if your happy. Whatever is negative, you cut it out or learn to deal with it. Like cancer, if you decide to live with it, it will eventually grow and kill you from the inside. The choice is up to you and if you already decided to leave and move on, you should just do it.

    Reply
  • March 27, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    Great article … keep up the good work. This needs to be fully brought into public consciousness as a plague to the human spirit. Thank you.

    Reply
    • August 15, 2020 at 9:05 am

      Thanks for reading Graham! Glad it was helpful!

      Reply
  • May 6, 2020 at 11:23 am

    This is so real. I pray more people understand the disorder. I never knew what narcissism was until I experienced the abuse myself. I blamed myself and prayed to God. Rebuking the enemy in Jesus’s name. Crying out as to what I was doing wrong. Where I, myself went wrong. So confused. Even thought it was me. Ues I reacted in a very “unchristian” manner. Maybe I could have been nicer. I was so angry and frustrated as to how soneone who claimed to “love” me could, did and allowed other’s to gaslight, belittle and degrade me, and my feelings publicly and personally. I thought for sure it was me doing wrong. Something. Somewhere. It changed me into someone. A monster of a person I didn’t even know. I secluded myself. Even tried or contemplated killing myself. Luckily I had a beautiful soul who saw the signs and talked me into seeking help. Therapy was the first step in knowledge. Learned it wasn’t me. I was in a relationship with a narc. Needless to say also involved in triangulation. Caught in the middle. I was put on anti depressants which numbed me and back I went. The drugs numbed me. Created a doormat. After two weeks of hearing everyday ” have you taken your meds?” And him still not correcting himself I decided to quit the meds. I found as long as he was able to do what he wanted and I was now “drugged up” , ” numb” and ” compliable” to whatever boundaries personally, morally, healthy and relationship wise were crossed . I quit taking the drugs. Started fighting. For my sanity, the old me I loved and wanted back. My morals, values and beliefs I had compromised. Took years. One year of fighting NC at a womens protective service. Which mind you fell apart. Contact and hurt. Lots of hurt. Lots of crying. Finally after another year, a sabatical alone. Finding me and a pluffer of knowledge/ research and understanding. NC and regaining myself. Still to this day I think maybe I could have reacted differently towards actions or certain behavior. Then. As I read and understand I am not alone. This abuse is the worse I have ever experienced. It’s an abuse that is so psycholigical. Changing a person into a monster of a shell. Questioning their own existence. Depression. Suicide attempts. If not in some cases suicide. Needless to say trust issues in the future. Reason the ” warriors” that do survive and move forward talk about their past. Alerting others. And another reason why once our ” demons” of past are finally ” slayed” we tend to be ” stand offish” , choosy, and extremely cautious with trust issues. I myself will most likely be alone for the rest of mylife. I have found happiness and peace with who I am. My spirit and sun are back. My self esteem has been reborn along with my self worth and respect. I am able to hold onto a job again. A whole year now! Finally! Hallelujah! ( used to be in such a state of depression I couldn’t focus nor cared to and always ended up quitting). Always a hard worker mind you just so depressed, confused, and suicidal. NC is, has, and was the key. Like a druggie. Which in a sense you are. NC with your drug of choice. Just so happens the ” drug” of chouce is a human being who ” love bombed” preying on human emotions and feelings of ultimate trust. Playing mind games as though it were a toy of intetest. Once the toy is broke and no longer fun onto another new toy. Someone once told me the narc ” needed to grow”. Maybe he has found the “toy” that will withstand the abuse. Or maybe she is just so ” numb” ( anti depressants, drugs, alcohol, etc) she is able to deal. Whatever the case I pray she doesn’t fall into the same category as other’s. It’s extremely heart wrenching and so destructive to another psychologically. Oh the mind games are the worse. Needless to say the smear campaigns you experience during the discard.

    Reply
  • May 7, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    A very good article. I think because we are empaths we seek harmony in relationships. We change ourselves in order to make others happy BUT making a narcissist happy is impossible so we always fail. We try plan A, B, and C thinking they will respond, they will come around. But “they” aren’t normal and we are expecting normal responses from personality disordered people. It’s sad but the only solution is leaving. They will never see you as anything of value and they will subject you to more abuse no matter what you say or do. They can’t feel what we feel or see what we see. They only see themselves as important and you are just narcissistic supply for them – someone to beat up so they feel stronger and better about themselves. Someone to belittle so you don’t speak the truth, and someone to control so you won’t venture out and discover the world. A relationship with a narcissist means losing half of yourself, and sometimes all of yourself. But if you leave, in a year’s time you will recover and love your freedom. You will learn to like and even love yourself and you’ll have learned a lesson that makes you gravitate only toward good people.

    Reply
    • August 15, 2020 at 9:02 am

      Very well said Jenny! They operate very differently from us and we cannot change them, nor, as you said, can we expect “normal responses” from them as we would with someone who has empathy. Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  • August 4, 2020 at 8:53 am

    I truly believe that the unrelenting psychological abuse (and occasional physical abuse) that was inflicted upon me by my narc husband caused me to develop stage 3 breast cancer. I will perhaps never know for sure, but I am aware that for many cancer sufferers, trauma was the catalyst for becoming ill. Before I met my husband, I rarely had a day’s illness in my life. Of course, I may have gotten cancer even if I had never met him……but somewhere deep down in my soul, I will always believe that my body and mind simply couldn’t take any more abuse, and getting cancer was the result. After my life-saving surgery, I came home the very same day as I had my op, and ignored the advice of the surgeon and Doctors who insisted that I MUST have at least 6 weeks complete rest. How could I explain to them that I was with a man who would not allow me to have even 1 day of rest? I cooked our dinner that night and not once did he offer to take care of me. Basically it was business as usual. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and putting up with his abuse. 1 week after my op he threw a book at me that hit me in my breast that had just been operated on. The following week he made a very cruel remark about the scar on my breast to one of his female ‘friends’ on Facebook. This was the the final straw for me. I threw myself at him and punched and kicked and screamed at him……I had a total meltdown. For once he stood and stared at me in total shock. I ended up on the floor in a sobbing heap, begging him to give me the money to go back to my home town so that I could be with my sisters. He told me that he didn’t have the money, which was possibly true because he was spending it on online gambling and online sex sites. Less than 2 months later I left him. I am trying to heal from this nightmare that he put me through….but truth be told, I don’t think that I will ever COMPLETELY heal psychologically from what he did to me.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *