6 thoughts on “Bullied by Narcissists at Work? 3 Ways Narcissistic Co-Workers and Bosses Sabotage You

  • July 3, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    I just started working for an eye doctor who is the owner of the practice. there is not an hr dept to go to, after the first month I figure out that the reason the woman before me left because the other woman who is supposed to train me is an alcoholic. She showed up to work one day and could barely talk. She has basically taught me nothing. So I am coming up on my 3 months and have spoken to the Dr about on a number of occasions and he says that she is great as long as she takes her meds and does not drink Now it is at the point that everything that goes wrong is my fault. I can see the writing on the wall and I really can not afford to loose this job. Where do I turn?????????

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  • March 6, 2018 at 11:56 pm

    I will share my experience with you and maybe it will help you decide if it’s worth fighting or not. I won a job competition for my dream job working in the wildlife division with the Newfoundland Government. I was very good at this job but quickly became a target. For 5 years I was harassed and bullied. I consider myself a very strong and ethical person. I followed every step possible to try to correct this problem. My first step was to utilize the employee health program. I spoke with a government employed counsellor to advise me how to navigate through the conflict. I worked on this, it made things worse. The next step as advised by the counsellor was to go to HR and the union and ask for mediation. I did this. Nothing happened. The person targeting me was a union representative and a very good friend of our HR contact. In fact filing complaints made matters worse and the harassment became worse. I started getting threats to me and my property was damaged. I filled another complaint to advise that HR that it was becoming worse. HR then reprimanded me and said I was a problem employee for coming forward with issues that I shouldn’t let bother me. I didn’t leave at that point for several reason, I worked in animal care and many of the animals were being mistreated/dying at the hands these people harassing me and I moved across the country to take this job and had purchased a house near the facility so I could provide care to these animals after hours. I started to develop health issues due to the stress, first headaches, nausea, etc but it started to progress to more serious health issues, one of which included my retina to become detached and I started to lose my vision. I required surgery to correct this and my doctor advised that I take leave from my employer due to the chronic stress from the harassment. I contacted my employer to tell them that I required surgery and they refused to give me the time off my surgery and terminated me for taking the time to have the surgery. Even though what was done was illegal, it’s been 3 years of fighting. I had to take it as far as the Human Rights Commission and still nothing as been done. The people that harassed and threatened me have done this to several people in the past and it’s a pattern. They still continue to work there. Every idea that I brought forward when I worked there to try to improve the program I was dismiss and belittled for it. They have since implemented everyone of these practices. As much as I’m upset and angry that I was the one that had to leave my dream job, I have learned a lot. Most of these policies are one paper just to cover their asses. I have joined a support group and so many women have a similar story and we all had the same outcome. Nothing was done and it is a big investment to fight this. The only real recourse and it’s a gamble, is to hire a private lawyer and sue but most people don’t have the money to do this. You also have to follow the entire process first. You have to decide if that is worth it. I only know of one woman that was able to sue the province of the employer that she worked for and it took over 13 years to complete this.

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    • June 24, 2019 at 12:50 pm

      The way to catch narcissists are:

      – narcissistic rage in front of a CCTV camera. WARNING: these types are dangerous
      – get them frothing at the mouth in public and they will reveal everything about what they are up to (advice from an article about narcissism).
      – manipulate the manipulator: flatter them (they can’t get enough of it), as Sun Tsu said: « Encourage your enemy’s arrogance ». They can’t help attacking you. Use that against them.
      – we must fight in every corners of the world to have courts make brain scans mandatory to detect narcissists and psychopaths during police investigations and trials. Otherwise, they manipulate everyone successfully: policemen, judges, attorneys, district attorneys. No one is immune to their brain washing. And since they have no qualms about lying, they cannot be detected even with s modern lie detector (involuntary motions of the retina). We must petition to get a law to make brain patterns scans mandatory and have court orders for mandatory therapy.

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  • February 5, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    I am going through this right now, and find it poignant that I’ve come across an article by Shahida Arabi, for reasons I will explain. I met a colleague a year ago, when I was just coming out of a relationship with an abusive narcissist. She was so kind to me, asking me how I was, reassuring me about the conditions of the intervention order, and even unexpectedly gave me a gift of healing crystals and skincare (apparently I looked like shit).
    Fast-forward a year, and we now work together at another workplace. I am still her superior. When we reconnected (and realised we were going to be working together again), I invited her around to my new apartment. She knew that I had been kicked out of my former residence as a consequence of the abusive relationship I was in. Within 30 seconds of being in my apartment, she began criticising and “pitying” certain things, for example that I just had a mattress on the floor (no base), and that my couch was uncomfortable. Unfortunately, during that meetup we drunk quite a bit of alcohol, and I regret that I became a bit teary.
    Since then, she’s been increasingly difficult to work with. Very negative attitude, combined with inflated view of herself. She often makes remarks to me like “Are you still drinking?” and “Make good choices!!!” and just tonight she has, after learning that I’ve recently (finally) finished my bachelors degree, remarked “What are you going to do NOW then??” When I told her that I’d like to get into writing she smirked “Well then you’ll NEVER leave the house! Hahahahahah!” She has also now a couple of times farted in my office (supposedly she has IBS), then left – leaving me to deal with the stench.
    I read Shahida Arabi’s book on recovering from narcissistic abuse, when I left my relationship with my ex, and found it brilliant.
    I struggle to believe that it is envy causing this colleague to treat me this way. I am meek and clearly troubled, I am 8 years older than her, and she got her bachelors degree at a much younger age that I. I am also quite overweight at present. I doubt she has anything to envy in me (which I always thought was why bullies bully…) but I suspect with her she DOES feel badly about herself, and I am just an easy target because of my low self-esteem.
    Feels awful though….
    Thanks for this article, it’s good to know the way I’m feeling is valid.

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  • June 29, 2019 at 10:07 am

    An insightful article and in keeping with my own experience of exploitation by a narcissistic manager within an NHS Psychology department in which I worked.

    Thank you Shahida

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  • March 22, 2020 at 11:39 am

    This is my current work situation. There are 2 narcissists, one is still in the office and the other is now working from home. The one who is still in the office has targeted me since day one. It all started over me having a bigger cubicle than hers. She has successfully lied and manipulated everyone around me. So now, her flying monkies are in autopilot doing her bidding, and they are really no better than her. She has tried to make people think I am dumb and a liar and people are now treating me as such. These people are also paranoid. Everything I do or say is a conspiracy. I can’t even look at one of monitors without people getting wound up and thinking I am trying to listen to their conversations or I am out to get somebody. The irony of this whole thing is that I do not interact with people in this office. I do not hang out at anyone’s desk. I always put on my headphones and do whatever work I have that day. But these folks for whatever reason believe I am the enemy after being fed garbage from the narcissist.

    Thank goodness for the work from home mandate from my employer during the pandemic. That has provided some relief from these toxic people.

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