12 thoughts on “5 Withholding Tactics Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths Use To Torment You

  • February 20, 2020 at 2:46 am

    I have experienced several of these from different people whether related or in relationships. I am currently still experiencing the effects of what I believe to be a sustained campaign of narcissism dating back decades and involving many areas of my life and career.

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  • February 20, 2020 at 7:29 pm

    As I read this artical I felt you were 200% describing someone I know who in fact has put me through all of the above for over ten years now. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. No words could ever express how damaging it truly can be. They are indeed pure evil!

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    • March 7, 2020 at 2:20 pm

      You need to leave the situation as soon as possible as these people are evil. Their intent all of the time is to destroy you or create a situation where you destroy yourself. They aren’t honest enough to kill you outright, but will kill your soul by damaging your reputation, your belief in yourself, belief that you are worthy to even walk this earth. I know, as my abuser was my husband then subsequently my only son. They mean business. Business of destroying you while appearing to the outside world to be perfect, intelligent, kind human beings. They enjoy inflicting pain. They only get worse with time. Don’t fool yourself like I did. I suffered terribly abuse for 40 years. I am a damaged person but now free as my husband died and I severed all ties with my son. Get out fast.

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    • July 9, 2020 at 12:14 am

      Are you still in the relationship? If not how did you get out! I feel like I can’t breathe or maybe he’s not cheating it’s in my head cause I can’t catch him. He has broken me and all I can think is he loves me and as long as I love him it will be ok. But I feel like I’m crazy. Please help

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    • August 15, 2020 at 9:09 am

      Hi A.S., I am glad this was validating to you. It is indeed a traumatic experience to endure this type of behavior and I am sorry you went through this!

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  • March 2, 2020 at 1:36 am

    This information is spot on to what I experienced.

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  • March 2, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    Wow I have experienced and lived through all of this over the past 15yrs. I totally lost my self and boxed myself in. Tried many ways to please the other person (my ex spouse) but nothing I did was ever enough. And it really showed when I decided to leave because I caught on to what was really going on. I was belittled almost on the daily. And I know all about the torturous limbo of waiting for change. 😔

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  • March 31, 2020 at 9:12 am

    I married a narcissist 8 yrs ago — we had dated for 5 before that and I saw a lot of red flags. My Dad was a narc and I knew exactly what it was like to be abused. I thought I was smarter than to become a victim again. We are both older & share no kids. I just wanted to retire and have fun doing a little travel and enjoy family. My plan was to keep finances separate ( knowing he was an impulsive shopper and loved expensive toys) so we wouldn’t fight about that. I even had to buy my own oil and filter for him to change it in my car. He started the emotional abuse 3 mos after we married. He’d provoke me – get me so angry – push all my buttons – and stonewall me. He would never discuss ANYTHING of any substance. So I would leave — ( I still had my own house that my daughter lived in at the time).. He told his family I had abandoned him!!… This pattern went on for 2 yrs. We fought frequently. During those multiple “break ups”, he trashed me to his family and friends — destroyed my reputation to the point where I’d never be a part of any circle he was involved in.

    Fast forward… it’s now 2020. He retired but had expensive hobbies so took part time work travelling for weeks at a time leaving me at home. We had NO vacations – I got NO Xmas, birthday gifts, no attention, no affection.. ZERO. He had revealed himself to be a profoundly selfish, disrespectful, lying, cheating, USER. By this time – he’d moved his brother in who had nowhere to go and told me to get out. GOOD THING I KEPT MY HOUSE!! His greed was getting out of control……. I lived on social security.

    What had I hoped for? A husband who would love me. Grandchildren I could spoil with love and quality time, and an occasional weekend getaway. DID NOT HAPPEN. This marriage was nothing more than a “war zone”..

    So.. I am one of the lucky ones. I have resources. I have my house that is paid for, a car that is paid for, money in the bank that I saved before I met him, and what is left of my sanity. I am a very strong woman – because of my Dad – a true survivor. But am I going to continue to spend the rest of my life with an abuser? HELL NO. He can go. Karma will get him. He killed whatever love I had for him — and like the counselor said in 2013, ” You may not want to divorce him now – but you may later”.. LATER is HERE. If you can get out.. GET OUT!!!!! It does NOT get better and they do not believe there is anything wrong with them. They will always BLAME YOU. Throw it back. They are black, empty, holes. God BLess.

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  • April 5, 2020 at 2:29 am

    Reading this article and the comments of what appears to be a global and shared experience is both uplifting and abhorrent. I kicked my Narc out 6 days ago in the second week of lockdown. I came to realise that I would rather be alone in the apocalypse than live another day with a toxic tiger. That was the metaphor I used during the 4 day explosion of all of the above traits in concentrated form that culminated with my actions. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like being in a cage with a tiger (I think Tiger King has also twisted me up😁). It’s very pretty and majestic but you keep forgetting that it will rip your face off. I identified the above behaviours in the one I knew 2 years ago and called her on it whenever it reared its head. You get lied to and gaslit to the extreme. Exercise in futility, the more you identify the issues the more they shut down and fight. A colossal waste of time and exhausting. You aren’t in a relationship with these people. You are merely in their psychological UFC cage that has no rules….well, they have rules which get chopped and changed to suit them of course. I endured 3 years of this (feels like 4 lifetimes), 10 months of the charm stage and 2 years of perpetual insecurity and essentially asymmetric warfare stage. Any of you who lived like this for anything over 5….you are the hardest element on the planet. There really should a medal for that. Kudos to you. Feeling a bit vanilla after only “taking” 3 years of this😂

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  • July 13, 2020 at 5:17 am

    There is not nearly enough discussion or information shared about the damage these people do to their children. About just how ruthless they will be in trapping their victims. Especially when in a lot of states CPS won’t do anything short of bruises on 90% of the body no chance in a million psychological abuse or theft is going to get them involved. Substances will but that’s really not okay oh, this parents that will indulge in things and otherwise be fine parents. a parents with npd or aspd can probably get away with murder or creating a homeless impoverished mentally poisoned 18 year old. I noted just recently finally been admitted that addiction is likely based in trauma. We have this nasty little truth that in a for profit system… it’s not in the best I treat of the commercial psych community to share pictures or descriptions of truly healthy vs abhorent parenting amd lately I see the trend leaning towards articles like “is my teen abusing me?” is my teen a socieopath? Meanwhile police will let a parent rob an adult child blind dependent on state and ofp orders might make the parent privy to their targets address.

    how do you get one? start with the attitude of HOW DARE U USE WORDS.
    aka the common tactic to keep the vivitm trying to win back favor or make up for things.. do it in a civil court and simply allege THEY DARE MADE ME FEEL BY SAYING

    doesn’t matter you invited your adult child back and they paid rent then you kicked them out police ignored threats to 16 years of assets while u forced labor and physicaly relocated for an hr and a half. in my case they filed with 20 days to be out of the apt they picked after changing the lock and 6 after the car broke down in a court an hr and a half away. I went hungry 30 days last year despite form 2k7 to 2018 assembling a kitchen and teaching myself to cook the only thing in my freezer is a friend. Clyde rabbit. who was someone I started Geting to know in 2007. Bonnies ashes are with them. they were addressed to me at my parents house. my dad opened the package and flaunts he’s still holding it. I reported to police they have even opened my mail and taken a check in my name from it. then signed my name… not cause they needed it but for control. told them I have recorded calls indicating the only vilonce on my 32 year old record (my age and happened after moving back in) was my mom actually trying to kill me by pushing me over a railing then falsely reporting that I got agressive and shoved her across the room. I didn’t shove anyone I did catch her wrists and walk her to a corner stop them let go and duck around incase she tried to hit. couldn’t go right or left she was in too close. my back to the railing and I was barefoot on wet tile. when I did so she screamed you bas***** I brought you into this world I can take you out. intent much? another time she slams car door on my leg calls on me and cops assure me that’s not assult or battery.

    I started earning my own income in 2k4. what caused the move back in was a cat we got in 01 got sick in 2017. driving to their place to sleep next to him during his final days transfered mold to my apt. their place had 1500sq of carpet and pad 50ft of wall removed Nov 2018. 3mo after they change lock to keep all my stuff and start bouncing me between hotels on as short as one week bookings

    police are participating in torture and murder cultural assumption is parents wouldn’t do that. Narcissistic AsPD parents very much will and do .

    phrases heard : your problems are boring and take too long (my mom right before mold was proven. instead of apologizing they 2 on one gaslight insisting in delusional and need medication.. problem is my mom’s an np with 40 years in med field)
    both have said : we are the same person
    my dad : I need cobtrol because I want cobtrol -( of my life)
    in past I’ve realized and said things like seems u guys demand to make the decisions for me and I take the consiquenses.

    both will gaslight in all forms like feigned ignorance as well as denial of things said or done and cover for each other.

    I took to recording calls and interactions

    doesn’t stop them.. even pointing it out : so what? or f*** your recording. usually followed by asserting the same lie

    they don’t violate boundaries they try to rip them apart to poitn I feel we need the term psychological incest

    I’ve got a video on my YouTube. I’m pretty sure in going to end up dead. I’m blowing out black crap and was starved 30 days last year. they stole my id after filing ofps but video is my mom.. she didn’t go to the vet with me and my rabbits but insists on telling me what I told the vet and what the vet told me.

    police stand behind couples right to kill son after mother drags aspergilis and black mold into a NICU for 19 years.. this society is ripe to implode

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    • July 13, 2020 at 5:30 am

      also forgot to add… I’ve had a college psych course, it inspired me and I’ve read months worth of hrs on my own. doesn’t make me an expert but between that, growing up with np mom and fact that she taught late 90s early 2000s while PowerPoint replaced overhead (guess who had to make those for her).. I am a bit more familiar with med terms and psych than the average non doc.

      I can’t help but conclude most cases of bpd and skitzo are abuse at the hands of aspd or npd parents. or at least parents with the traits in higher than average expression if not full blown. could probably come from moderate expression plus factors like work hrs creating neglect wheather intentional or a matter of financial survival.

      I used to be the person people confide in. I usually pay enough attention to ask follow-ups on people’s stories.. had ethical considerations but came to the conclusion it wouldn’t hurt to sometimes ask if soemone had ever heard of a specific psych concept. 3x I’ve asked someone “have you heard of something called bpd” it was like 2x already diagnosed and a week later with the 3rd a coworker comes back and says “weird u mentioned that.. my Dr..”

      I’ve noticed a lot of the things done and said are similar to the same but pop up for diff reasons. like npd aspd may split as a deflection in an argyment and likely ego defence at same time where bpd apears to more be sold on it really is all good or bad.. idk it’s deep.. it’s real and esp aspd and npd really hurt people. when law is ignorent the hell created is real.

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  • August 20, 2020 at 10:24 am

    This is me and the psychiatrist I’ve been seeing once a week for one year. He even told me he was a narcissist, but I didn’t care at the time, because he had been so kind to me in the beginning. He gave me everything I needed that my own father never gave me. I don’t even know when he changed, but it was very gradually, and now I can’t leave. This article explained his behaviour so perfectly it’s scary. We even text each other like we’re friends. This is so messed up. I know I have to get out, but I can’t.

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