10 thoughts on “Why Couples Therapy Doesn’t Work For People In Abusive Relationships With Narcissists

  • September 28, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    Just quickly read this article and thankful that it is out there as there really isn’t much that we can do as victims but just leave. However after reading the article I see your book list and it was a neat moment for me because I have read them all and some over and over to remind me of what I was dealing with and that I had to leave. So thank you for your help as you were a big one and if I had stayed any longer I fear I would be suffering through life with a mental illness instead of just PTSD which can be managed and one day hopefully won’t exist. This is a dark world that you don’t know until you do and then it is to late! Thank you for your contribution! ❤️

  • September 29, 2019 at 5:15 pm

    Unfortunately I went into couples’ therapy with an abuser; disaster; it wasn’t until I found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans that I read about never going to therapy with the abuser.

    I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal abuse and speak to groups about this “shredding of souls.” I presented my paper, Society’s Hidden Pandemic…Verbal Abuse, Precursor to Physical Violence and a form of Biochemical Assault at my State’s Counseling Association. I have spoken about this for over 20 years.

  • September 29, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    Its amazing I always thought that I was alone
    Thank You Great Article
    Shelley Morris

  • October 3, 2019 at 11:53 am

    Thank you for writing this article.

    Domestic violence counselors know how perpetrators behave and the tactics they use, and they will separate couples – the perpetrator in anger management therapy at the very least, and the victim in survivor therapy, hopefully with other survivors.

    It is important to note: many perpetrators quit anger management therapy. That says a lot.

  • October 4, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Thank you.

  • November 10, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    Thank you for writing this. Absolutely spot on. My abuser used to tell me to tell the therapist we did go on our weekly date that she suggested when we had not. If I didn’t, he’d be upset and not talk to me for days.

    • August 15, 2020 at 9:24 am

      Thanks for reading Patti! I am glad this was validating and sorry you went through this in couples counseling!

  • July 15, 2020 at 8:54 am

    Thank you for this article. I went to couples counseling with my narcissistic spouse and it ended up with me going to the hospital. Two aspirin and two double shots of nitro later(I was only 44) I finally felt my body return to normal. It was the worst experience of my life. But it did open my eyes. I’m no longer with this monster. I think every therapist should be more educated on this. That session almost killed me. Educate educate educate. Thanks again for your article.

    • August 15, 2020 at 8:49 am

      I am so sorry you experienced this scary experience, Tammy. Unfortunately, couples counseling with narcissistic partners can be truly devastating with the level of retraumatization and invalidation involved. Glad you are free now and happy this article was validating to you!


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