3 thoughts on “Choose Hope Over Bitterness for the New Year

  • January 10, 2019 at 8:06 pm

    Happy New Year, Hope!

    Do you think part of bitterness’ “signature” is an element of inhibition? If you openly express your anger, hurt, resentment and sadness as soon as you experience them, how would you ever manage to achieve true bitterness? And how can someone remain bitter, unless they’re in a tribe that values inhibition and over-control?

    How do you balance experiencing bitterness on the inside with openly expressing your emotions?

    If you express your bitterness (even with awareness and consideration, without venting or blaming), there’s no way to pass that off as something else. Bitterness is an unmistakable and extremely potent social signal that can’t help but push people away.

    If you keep your bitterness to yourself, in order to avoid “being a general grump,” isn’t that the kind of emotional inhibition which lies at the core of over-controlled coping? How do you engage in the opposite actions you describe without resorting to the disingenuousness that RO targets as something to eradicate?


  • June 23, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    What if the reason we’re bitter is because no one will be our friend or spend time with us?
    Because we have to do every activity alone, with strangers, because our attempts at making friends are always rejected. I’m over 40 years old and have no friends of any kind, despite lifelong efforts to make friends. Now ask me if I’m bitter.

    • June 24, 2019 at 1:05 pm

      Hi Anonymous – Thanks for you comment and question. What you mention about being bitter and having no friendships is actually quite a common problem for overcontrolled leaning individuals. RO DBT provides skills to develop genuine friendships, increase the ability to connect and build intimacy with others and decrease bitterness. These are not skills everyone has had the opportunity to learn in their lives. The network of RO practitioners is growing. You can check out who might be available near you.


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