8 thoughts on “Am I Living With A Liar?

  • November 27, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Good, succinct look at lying and a number of factors that may contribute to it.

  • November 27, 2019 at 8:45 am

    Dear Toby.
    Very interesting article. Do you have any advice for coping with teenager liar? My nephew is 13 years old, adopted at 1 year with learning difficulties. He lies constantly. Steals too. Any suggestions would be gratefully received? Do you treat teenagers and their families? Thank you.

    • November 27, 2019 at 9:26 am

      Dear Donna, thank you for your comment and email. In my work, I tend to think that lying is a behaviour that indicates other underlying issues. The challenge is how to find a way of opening up a helpful conversation with the underlying issues. I don’t work with people under 18 years but please contact me; tobt@tobyingham.com if you would like to discuss further.
      Best regards
      Toby Ingham

  • November 29, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    Hello Toby,

    I’ve been married for 35 years and my husband is a pathological liar. When we met we were strangers consequently, when he told me things about himself I had no idea he was lying. I had no reason to think a lot of what he told me was a total invention. I thought I knew him when we got married four years later but, it was at that time I began to realize that a lot of things weren’t adding up. When I questioned him we would end up having a confrontation and he would lie more and more.

    His chronic lies have destroyed the fabric of our relationship, to the point that I have no trust in him at all. He’s also a very devious and manipulative man who is basically self serving and selfish to the core. He lies on the small things… the big things and everything in-between then, he tells more lies to cover up the first lies. All of this has taken a toll on me and the stress of his lying has caused a great deal of anger and frustration on my part. It seems as though he is incapable of telling the truth or, that he is deliberately lying not only to cover his tracks but, to keep me in a state of confusion ensuring that he is the one in control at all times. I consider his chronic lying a form of abuse and it is equally as harmful as other forms of abuse. Once a liar always a liar!
    Thank you for your article.

    • December 5, 2019 at 1:30 pm

      It is a form of abuse. It’s actually part of emotional abuse and the lies he’s telling would be considered gas lighting.

  • December 5, 2019 at 1:43 pm

    I think the most frustrating thing for me within psychology is the idea that everyone does things because they’re hurting and need compassion. This article is careful to not judge lying and instead looks at it as an underlying psychological issue with liars needing help. It actually reminds me of the joke in which two psychotherapists are walking on the street and gets their purse snatched. As they chase after the purse snatcher, they yell, ‘Get Help! This man needs our help.’

    Based on my experiences, I firmly believe that psychology needs less compassion and stricter boundaries regarding values and unhealthy, damaging behaviors. Lying is often just a means of getting away with unacceptable behaviors by controlling the narrative. And, all too often, the person being lied to is the one who is further harmed in the therapy setting by assuming the person lying is the one who needs the help.

  • December 11, 2019 at 12:14 pm

    Is exaggeration the same or a form of lying?

    • December 11, 2019 at 12:45 pm

      there’s a question, what do other people think?


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