12 thoughts on “The impact Of Childhood Abandonment On The Mind Of The Adult

  • August 8, 2018 at 8:11 am

    As an infant my Mother left me with her parents at 4months old. She went on to have 6 other children. She never attempted to come after me and actually never mentioned me till the other children were young teenagers. To a degree I just accepted this but later in life questioned why? My parents were married at that time yet she never divorced my Father till the issue was forced to happen. Life was not easy but I don’t think there were any emotional scars yet . When I asked for answers I am told to forget the past and move forward.

    Reply
    • August 8, 2018 at 8:38 am

      Thank you for sharing that Pat. It’s difficult when you are just left to it.

      Reply
  • August 8, 2018 at 9:27 am

    Great article!

    Complex is the perfect word for trauma! I have a multitude of life experiences that have caused me
    To suffer fromCPTSD and it is no fun! I think I’ll probably struggle the rest of my
    Life with this and thankfully have a wonderful psychologist to help me.

    Reply
    • August 8, 2018 at 11:13 am

      Thanks Peg, I am glad to hear that

      Reply
  • August 8, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    I was abandoned in my crib, hungry and needing comfort. I went to kindergarten at age 4 and was terrified. My brother died at age 13. I was 12. There was no grieving process. I went through puberty alone and after divorced was left with no means to survive. I am safe now and am compassionate to myself. I am not responsible for how others treated me and suffered in shame as if I did it. I don’t allow them to punch me in the gut anymore. I prosper as my soul prospers, and try to treat others as I would want, not as was expected of me with basic needs never met. It hurts and I bawl my eyes out almost daily, but in the morning I hear the birds and try to be worry free and sing like them.

    Reply
    • August 8, 2018 at 5:41 pm

      Thank you Mary, I am glad you are safe and that your soul prospers. I like the the sound of your bird song. best, Toby

      Reply
  • August 8, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    I was once felt that I am inadequate to be friends with others because they don’t like me. I usually walk alone since grade school up to college because felt that I don’t have friends. I was just being afraid to be left alone because when I was a child all my playmates leave me because I am not like them because I am weird but right know I learned that all I need to accept that I am different and some of them will just like me and accept my weirdness. This is a very good article.Thank you sir. 🙂

    Reply
    • August 9, 2018 at 2:21 am

      Thank you Jerrie, best, Toby

      Reply
  • August 12, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    Every time my therapist goes on vacation or has to miss our weekly appointment I have an anxiety attack. After much discussion he explained to me I have an incredibly strong fear of abandonment. He is also my psychiatrist. We have been working in therapy for three years so far since my father died. I see my Dr as a father figure. My real father emotionally abandoned me using the silent treatment pretending I didn’t exist if I angered him. The amount of time varied and the relationship would resume with no discussion. Because of transference I am afraid my therapist will abandon me like my dad did. I know this is not true because he is the one person who supports me unconditionally and makes me feel safe. But abandonment is based on feelings and the fear persists. Understanding why it happens helps but it is still difficult. As we continue working on family of origin issues he says the fear should decrease.

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    • August 13, 2018 at 2:22 am

      Yes it should. As you say; it just takes time. Best, Toby

      Reply
  • August 13, 2018 at 8:44 am

    I’m 37 years old and have suffered from the complex of rejection due to many of the same reasons listed in the other comments. My Dad walked away from my family when I was 6; didn’t really care about visitation but was anxious for my sister and I to turn 18 so he didn’t have to pay child support – and would tell us that on our birthdays. He didn’t show affection even though I wanted his approval so bad. I reconnected with him as an adult when I had my daughter. I went to see him on her first birthday and we had a wonderful time. I would send him updates on her growth and pictures… but I would never receive a reply. That was the first and last time he saw her – and she’s 15 now. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around it because – I tell myself that I’m pretty cool 🙂 But your lines at the end – internalizing rejection – THAT has followed me into every relationship I’ve had and caused so many problems. I have NOT developed a kind/non-rejecting attitude towards myself. I use self-deprecation to make people laugh – but inside it is what I truly feel. Your words have truly meant a lot to me and I will be thinking about them for a long time. I have already shared them with my sister because I know she suffers from the same “nightmarish complex.” Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

    Reply
    • August 13, 2018 at 9:01 am

      Hi Virginia, thank you very much for your comments, I am very glad that you liked the post, best wishes, Toby

      Reply
 

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