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General

Have I Married A Stranger?

Do you sometimes have the sense that your partner is a stranger?  That they behave in ways that are so surprising and so unpredictable, that it leaves you wondering; just who is this person I married?  It might sound an unlikely scenario, but it's not.  It's very easy to get caught up in what you want to believe.

Some people thrive on being in love, they will do anything to prolong the magic of their love affairs.  They use love to cover up their emotional wounds.
How do you take care of yourself when faced with such a glittering and attractive person?


General

Am I Living With A Liar?

Are you worried that your partner is lying to you?  When your partner speaks do you find yourself doubting what they are saying? Lying is a habit, it is a way of relating to other people and to yourself.  Once someone has developed the habit of lying it can be hard to break.  It can be hard to pin the person down, to find out what the truth is.

It’s not exactly their fault.  They have developed this skewed way of adapting to the world and to other people.  You may not be able to change them.  But you can try to follow your own hunch, your intuition that you are not being told the truth.  You can use that hunch to look after yourself.



General

Are You An Adult Survivor Of Childhood Bereavement?

The death of a parent in childhood can be a very complicated experience.  If you are lucky there will be people around you who will support you, and be with you, and look after you as you come to terms with what’s happened.  But a lot of people are not that lucky.
We don’t tend to be very prepared for talking about death, about loss.  And because we don’t know what to say about it we tend to end up saying nothing.   That can leave a child carrying a complicated and very difficult emotional burden.  


General

Childhood Bereavement – When A Parent Dies

I recently heard a story about a girl whose mother had died.  The girl was 12 and was described as being stoic.  Whenever I am told that a bereaved person (especially a child) is a stoic I wince.  The implication seems to convey a sense that the child is being brave and that the impact of the death does not seem to be too bad.

Jonathon Swift wrote; ‘a stoic would cut off their feet for want of shoes’.  Sometimes what is going on in such bereavement cases is that the adults that are left in the orbit of the child are projecting something of their own wish to cut off the subject of parental death.


General

All I Want For Christmas Is A Stable Mood

Christmas tends to be a stressful time.  If you are someone who is particularly sensitive to other people’s stresses then you may find yourself being quick react.

Being reactive is where moods can run away with themselves.  It is all too easy to find yourself spending the rest of the day trying to get your reactions back under your control.  That is a very tiring way to live.

I think it is more helpful to try to be proactive and to manage yourself and to prepare for the different emotions you are likely to encounter.


General

Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

Being given a diagnosis of a personality disorder can be a shock if you weren’t expecting it, but it can be a relief too.  You may have long felt that there was something wrong with you that wasn’t being recognised.  Now you have the diagnosis you are in a position to plan and look after yourself better.

What does it mean?  What is it?


Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is also referred to as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD).


General

Psychotherapy – A Relationship You Can Understand

Psychotherapy is the one relationship where you have the chance of being clear about what is going on.


Did you grow up feeling you were being kept in the dark?  Were you raised in a difficult family and felt left out of the loop?  When you tried to ask questions about what was going on were you met with silence, anger and denial?    Perhaps you were told you were being difficult, over sensitive, or too demanding for asking questions?

Then you would be left, still in the dark, and probably feeling worse about it.


General

When Psychotherapy Ends Prematurely

It is a regrettable thing, but a lot of psychotherapy and counselling ends prematurely.  
Sometimes there is a shared sense of regret that the work won’t be going further, a shared sense that a connection has been made which might be important for the client, but which for obscure and perhaps rather unconscious reasons will not be going any further at this time.


General

How To Live After Trauma

Trauma has a particularly destructive effect on our minds and consciousness.  After trauma we experience problems with time, memory, self, keeping perspective.  In my view we have no choice but to continually try to re-balance our minds and selves. This is something we have to make a commitment to keep working on every day, throughout life.