24 thoughts on “Some People Love Conflict and Drama

  • November 6, 2015 at 3:47 am

    Oh my God. Some of these stories sound just like what I’m going through. Bad drama does produce good cortisol….This keeps you slender without exercise. If that’s not an incentive to have drama in your life, I don’t know e b at is.

    • December 10, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      You are funny!

      • October 14, 2016 at 9:30 pm

        You took the words out of my mouth. I could have written this. My husband is a drama king. He is very sick. He is destroyed our lives.

  • February 21, 2016 at 12:00 am

    This article gave me an Aha moment. My friend is a seeker of drama and it makes me insane. She can’t call me without telling me horrible things about people I don’t really even know and gets upset that I don’t care what other people are doing. I don’t understand why she behaves this way but reading this has given me a few ideas. Thanks

    • March 5, 2016 at 11:10 am

      Awesome. Glad it was useful!

  • March 23, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    I have this colleague at work who gets high on the drama…if it’s not already there she starts it

  • June 27, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    After the Brexit I life among a whole continent addicted to drama. It’s horrible!!!

    Nothing really happend, and the majority of people think the Apocalypse just started.

    And it’s getting worse by the minute. I found this article hoping to find some info why people talk them self into the absolute worst case scenario. Clinging on to every little bit of “news” to prove the worst case scenario just got even worse like it was a life raft.

    It’s an unbelievable site. Could it be I’m witnessing some sort of acute mass addiction?

    • July 17, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      EU citizen,
      So sorry I didn’t reply. I have been knee deep in moving. Ugh!

      Yes. The Brexit really freaked people out. It reminded me of the craziness that was happening over here in the U.S. when our economy collapsed in 2008. However, you all didn’t suffer a collapse. It doesn’t take much to freak people out. I once heard Warren Buffett say that it only takes a few seconds for people to lose confidence. In contrast, it takes a long time to rebuild confidence and trust.

      Change is always scary. I have faith in the U.K. After all, you Brits fought for the ENTIRE WORLD from your lone their little island back in World War II. Finally, we Americans showed up- talk about late to the party. You Brits have a history of dogged determinism. You will soldier this change.

      Thanks for writing in.


    • February 6, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Same kind of freak out is happening here in the US now. We voted Trump in, but the very vocal (and physically violent) minority would also have you believe the apocalypse is nigh.

      I thought I could ignore this drama and continue with my life, but I’m beginning to realize that the mass tantrum really does send a trickle down of negativity. After tolerating 8 years of oppression, it’s hard to enjoy newfound hope when there are so many citizens creating mass chaos and drama.

      My question is this: What steps should be taken to disengage from drama in general? It seems that sometimes no matter how hard I try to cruise through my day, I can only ignore so much before I really do start to feel irritated and my mood is affected. I wake up content and peaceful every morning, and if left uninterrupted, I can stay happy for quite some time. However it seems like most people are intent on spreading misery. How do I detach on a constant basis without actually turning my focus to the drama?

      • February 7, 2017 at 10:23 am

        US here,
        Hi there.

        Well, in response to your comment, I do think that people on both sides of the issues are feeling overwhelmingly negative. It is hard for many people right now. And, if you have been feeling “oppressed” for the last 8 years, you already have had a negative experience. Maybe you are resentful of these people; maybe holding them accountable for some pain you have felt for a while? That could exacerbate your negative response.

        The first way to manage angry feelings towards others is to try to get in touch with how they are processing things. The old adage, “Put yourself in someone else’s shoes” still holds true. Say you believed that the apocalypse was coming. Would you be upset? Probably.

        Secondly, accept that one can wish other people to be different or act differently. However, we really have no control over anyone else. Therefore, maintaining an internal level of peace and “okayness” is all we can do.

        Thirdly, I see any life challenge as an opportunity to learn about one’s self and practice new skills. Be the change you want to see in the world.
        Do some deep thinking about what life experiences led you to believe what you believe. Think about how you might get triggered when others don’t go along with this. Do you engage with others politely when you disagree at work? Are you kind and respectful in tone and attitude?

        Lastly, practice making peaceful choices. If you feel agitated when watching or listening to the news, try a classical music station instead. Disconnect with Twitter, Facebook, or limit the time you spend on these things to a certain time every day. Then, go for walk.

        Thanks for writing in.

  • September 27, 2016 at 8:13 am

    This is a great article. The whole drama thing seems so primitive, especially when you see it from an outside perspective. I guess people just get so caught up in what’s happening in thier lives that they loose track of what’s really worth thinking about.

    • March 3, 2017 at 6:24 am

      Agree and very true!

  • March 3, 2017 at 4:56 am

    Thanks very much for this article- I needed a reminder like this! The “watching TV instead of cleaning the house” comparison is a good analogy.

    It’s very likely that, as you say, those who have less need of instant gratification tend to be better at avoiding drama, and also tend to be less inclined to start drama. In fact I have never met a happy and stable person who intentionally created drama. Drama-starters are those who are either insecure or who need the immediate rush of excitement like you say. (I’ve been guilty on both counts at times.)

    The ability to delay gratification is a very good skill to have, but much of it (all of it?) is biological. This may be fixed either by changing one’s life circumstances or, if that is too difficult or ineffectibe, with medication. Many studies (which can be Googled) suggest that people are better at not seeking immediate gratification when they have an ample supply of dopamine and serotonin in their brains. Some people have genes which prevent them from having an adequate supply of these chemicals naturally.

    These brain chemicals can be gotten by taking ADHD medication and antidepressants, though I understand why these are unattractive options to many. Lifestyle changes may also work. Drama vs non-drama all comes down to being satisfied or not with life.

  • March 3, 2017 at 6:22 am

    Thanks this was awesome. All but one related to me and very helpful to encourage me to change my ways. Great information and so real x

  • April 13, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    I am currently writing a paper analyzing current trending TV sitcoms using Karl Marx’s conflict theory and your writing has helped add relevant content.

  • May 23, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    Women and SOME men are the most dramatic pieces of troublesome garbage on Earth. They don’t let people whom are kind, Good and happy be just that. Sometimes I think I will be a perfect candidate for Mars or my own private island. What I don’t understand is why they can’t let a person be happy either in a relationship, work longevity or just in general. Too much. Gosh why can’t people give the benefit of the doubt and just let good people be. uggh what an ugly world.

  • June 1, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Gf loves drama, after the doc told her to take an SSRI and melatonan

  • July 9, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Many of the people I know who chronically stir up drama are suffering from anxiety and/or depression, and the drama seems to be a side-effect of their inability to manage conflict (be it within themselves or with others) appropriately.

  • August 15, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    I love this piece. What would the medical terminology be for this disorder? My Gf suffers

  • May 3, 2018 at 10:18 pm

    thanks. very helpful.

  • July 20, 2018 at 10:09 am

    Loved the article. A few things here which I would definitely emphasize. First, it is important to see the need for drama as an addiction. When dealing with addicts you need to tread very carefully to avoid being sucked in and becoming an enabler. It is equally important to know what you will and won’t put up with an set very definite and well defined limits. For instance, if you know your “friend” is gossiping and starting rumors, or is trying to stir the pot against you, don’t get mad, simply say “I know what you’re doing, you know that I will not tolerate this and you have violated a well defined boundary.” Be clear and be strong. It is important to place the decision back on them. Either they can clean up their act (kick the habit) or they will lose a friend. Boundaries are very important…establish them early and stand by them. A second observation relates to the the news media (and by this I mean the large media outlets, as well as social media, local news, etc.). We are taught from the time we are little that it is important to “keep up with current events.” Therefore, we give a certain sanctity to the “news”. I am not saying that it’s not generally valuable to be somewhat aware of certain things so you can be an informed citizen. However, for instance, fretting about some boys in a cave in Thailand when you have never been to Thailand or being worried about a child abducted in California when you live in New York is not a productive use of your time. It is doing nothing more than feeding your addiction. The simple thing to do is turn it off. I removed TV from my house years ago. My partner and I also found that having a newspaper around was a significant time suck so we got rid of it. The bottom line in both cases is to set boundaries and adhere to those boundaries. Most people have the mistaken belief that we must somehow put up with people because they are our “friends” or tolerate a barrage of negativity because “we must stay informed.” This is not the case. Think for yourself, set your own boundaries and enforce those boundaries as necessary. šŸ™‚

    • October 1, 2018 at 3:01 pm

      Wow. Interesting use of boundaries and learning in your life. Thanks for reading and sharing.

  • September 30, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    There should really be a special needs class for many of these women that create so much drama today since most of them to begin with are attention seekers.

    • October 1, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      What kind of drama are these women creating in your life?


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