2 thoughts on “Box Car Willies : One Type of Unequal Partnership

  • September 30, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Whew, I recently dodged this kind of bullet!
    Just over two years ago I met a man 10 years my senior during my commute to work. He was kind, engaging, and interesting.
    After a year of chatting with him during our rides, he asked if I’d like to have coffee or lunch with him. We exchanged numbers. After several months of talking on the phone, and continuing to see each other during our commute, my vacation was coming up, (I work full-time graveyard), and we made plans to have lunch during my vacation.
    At lunch we shared some of our personal histories, and I learned he worked at a small golf shop making minimum wage and lived with his 10 years younger brother in his brothers house.
    We continued talking by phone and during our commute, and saw each other only once for dinner after our initial lunch date. After that second “date” he began professing his “deep feelings” for me. He would say things like, “I miss you”, and ” you have this incredible hold over me”. It kind of annoyed me when he would say these things since we saw each other only twice aside from our regular commute.
    A month ago he started talking about getting more involved and even came right out and said he wanted to be with me all the time, and that it was time he moved out of his brothers garage. He actually said to me, “with you working full time WE could afford for me to pursue my interest in golf”. I responded that I was in no way interested in jumping into a relationship and having him move in with me. He actually replied,” think of the benefits. You work full time, you’d have someone to take care of your needs “. I told him I can take care of my own needs, I’ve been taking care of myself for a very long time, I’m 55 and passed needing to be taken care of, I can afford to take care of myself. He responded with,” oh in not talking about taking care of your financial needs. I’m talking about us living together. You make more than i do and I could enjoy my golf interests and make dinners for you “. I said I’m not interested in cohabitating with you to enable you to pursue your golf interests, and do you think you would move in rent free? He tells me that making dinner for me and being there for me was a win/win for both sides.
    I embed the conversation by saying I enjoy our friendship but I didn’t want to take it any further at this time.
    I received a text message the next morning, from a 65 year old man no less, that “this relationship isn’t working for me. I wish you well”. BEST TEXT MESSAGE I EVER RECEIVED!
    Now I have a term for my experience; BoxCar Wiilie… So glad I listened to my instincts 🙂
    (Sorry for any typos. My autocorrect has a mind of its own)

    Reply
    • October 1, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Deedee,
      This story is hilarious.I love, love, love this and want to share it on my Stop Giving It Away blog & Facebook. Let me know if that isn’t okay.

      Your experience, albeit disappointing, is a wonderful example of listening to what people tell you in the beginning, about who they are and what their intentions are. He is so funny to think that this is acceptable. I can’t stop laughing at the “this relationship isn’t working for me. I wish you well”.
      Well, the good news is that he was honest and up front. And for some people, this might seem an acceptable arrangement. Kudos for you for realizing it wasn’t and being clear about your wants as well.

      Take care and thank you for writing in!!!!
      Cherilynn

      Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *