9 thoughts on “Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated In Your Relationships? 8 Risk Factors

  • November 21, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    I feel this is an excellent description of many, if not all of my relationships, be they spouse, friend, supervisor, even adult son. I fit the criteria, which is also intriguing. Thank you for the thought provoking and most helpful article.

    Reply
    • December 1, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      Jayceedix,
      If it does, than you may be a Giveaway Girl. Please check out my book when it comes out in April.
      Thanks for joining the shares! Hope to hear from you again soon.

      Reply
  • November 26, 2014 at 10:52 am

    I was married to a woman who was an emotional manipulator. She insisted on changing all aspects of my life from where I worked, to who my friends were, what clothes I wore, what food I ate, my spiritual beliefs etc.. She used all sorts of tactics, some very overt and some very covert. One day we were having lunch in a restaurant and I ordered shrimp. She threw a fit and got up and walked back to our house. She told me she knew she had me as soon as she saw me with our newborn son. I loved being a dad and she knew it. She called our kids her bargaining chips and threatened that I would never see them again if I didn’t fall in line. We finally ended up separating. She fought to get sole custody telling one of her former friends “If I want to get money from Grant I need those kids.” The first day I met her father he took me outside and told me “You keep this one busy or she’ll rip your life apart.” I should have listened!

    Reply
    • December 1, 2014 at 12:49 pm

      Grant,
      I am so sorry that you went through all of this. This must have made your getting a divorce extremely scary and overwhelming.

      The good news is that you have learned a lot. I hope you were able to still see your kids and maintain a relationship with them. Dealing with this kind of extreme manipulation is traumatic and difficult. Thank you for sharing!

      (Wow. I can’t believe her father warned you.)

      Reply
  • November 26, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I know my brother manipulates me. He is visually handicapped and I was well programed to help him. He loves doing the equivalent of dangling a carrot in front of the horse, only to have the carrot disappear at the destination. I’m much more aware of it now that I have moved away from close contact and he doesn’t get me tied up in knots anymore.
    But now I have an acquaintance with abuse problems coming from abuse. I’m pretty sure she is using me one way or another. She calls me at important/difficult points in her life. It isn’t like my friend who just calls to talk about common interests and schedules. On top of that, her sister, an excellent peer support provider and a special friend, is warning me of her sister’s behavior. I’m not too sure she can be too objective about it.

    Reply
    • December 1, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      Megalodon,
      I am glad you know that you are being manipulated. As I said in the story, a lot of people don’t realize they are being manipulative when they are trying to get their needs met. Being honest and direct about one’s needs is so important.

      Sounds like alarm bells are going off with this new friend too. Keep an eye out, sister. And thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  • November 28, 2014 at 2:55 am

    When I first met Mike, he seemed so supportive of me and even got me a job that he knew I would and did love. Years later, I ran into him and he gave me his number. I finally called.

    He wanted to know my every thought, and even said he knew what I was thinking. Also, he said his ex said that he was controlling. At that time, I should have run, but I didn’t know then what I know now.

    Eventually, he was jealous of everything I did and everyone I knew. In the middle of a party one day, he started blurting out things about me I had never said or done, but somehow he believed I had.

    Shortly after that, we were in a restaurant and he made crude and loud remarks about the people who worked in the kitchen. I couldn’t even look at him because I thought his behavior was intolerant and contemptuous. He even felt that way about his own granddaughter whose mother was of a different race. That was it for me. I cleared my stuff out of his place–It was just a few things. The next morning I called to break up with him, but, to my relief, he broke up with me–He said I hadn’t phoned him–He was angry about that, even though I had called him. I didn’t call him more than that that day!

    This was a man who would time when I left my art studio to the time I would meet him and would angrily question me why it took 5 minutes longer. This was a man who when I told him I was feeling depressed and didn’t feel well, said, “Well don’t take it out on me!” as if my not feeling well had something to do with him! He once told me that when he gets sick, he’s a “baby.” Always attention for him and none for me. Always expecting me to follow his boot camp drill sergeant routines–It wasn’t enough to go out to dinner with him, it always had to be a play, opera, movie, sports event, ballet, etc, afterward, and I would get to my home an hour or two more after he got to his. And I had to get up early! This was a man who expected me to hold in any emotion that showed displeasure at his horrid behavior. Enough was enough. He only cared about him, not me.

    I decided to stop putting him first and to put me first. He kept saying that I had changed. I hadn’t changed–He never bothered to get to know me. I was in poor health during that 3+years relationship. A week after he broke up with me, my physical (and mental) health improved because I did everything I needed to do for me. I’m not in great health now, but I would have been in the intensive care unit of the hospital if I had continued with him.

    He broke up with me exactly 5 years ago and said recently that that was enough time, meaning that I should get back together with him. Really? He encouraged me to set a date to meet him. I set a date two months from then. He was stunned. It gave me enough time a few days later to call him up–I got the answering machine–And I told him I wouldn’t be meeting him (ever). End of message.

    Early this month I saw him at a charity walk, but he didn’t see me, so I left it at that–I sooooooo resisted the urge to take care of him. I took care of me.

    Recently, I thought about becoming a mean, uncaring person, but it’s just not me. I surround myself now with people who are caring like me.

    Reply
    • December 1, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      Catgoddess,
      First of all, let me congratulate you for scoring an awesome signature name. Cat goddess?! LOL. Love it.

      Secondly, I feel like your story was important. You walked us through the beginning and showed us how your journey changed and continued. You are really so kind to reach and out and tell us about it. Very empowering!

      Lastly, I think it is important that you talked about how kind and supportive Mike seemed to be in the beginning. These EM’s (Emotional Manipulators) have seriously positive parts to them. Otherwise, why the heck would you be connected to them? Sadly, those great qualities can’t stand alone. One has to pay attention to the good parts and the dark parts when you are on the relationship train together.

      Thanks again for sharing.

      Reply
      • December 8, 2014 at 12:07 am

        Thank you, Cherilynn.

        I think the world has changed, or I’ve gotten left behind somehow. I met a divorced guy who has a son that doesn’t live with him.

        This guy even told me one day that he loves me. I thought I had found Mr. Right.

        He finally revealed that he is gay.

        I hadn’t fallen to hard for him, but I feel like Roberto Duran when he said in his last fight, “No mas!” or No more (I’m done!)

        But I’m not done with my friends.

        Reply
 

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