I recently did a post on White Lies Women Tell. It got a good response. Then, I realized there are a plethora of white lies women tell on all kinds of subjects, including sex.
In an article I read in Psychology Today, a researcher named Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Virginia, stated that “Although the sexes lie with equal frequency, women are especially likely to stretch the truth in order to protect someone else’s feelings.”
It makes sense that women lie about sex, don’t you think? It is about sex, during sex and even after sex that people are most vulnerable.
“I am on my period.”
“Sure. That was great.”
“I like it too.”
Lies women tell in bed generally relate to their enjoyment level or overall lack of interest. In Season 1 of the HBO show Girls, which is hilarious, the main character played by Lena Dunham obviously does not enjoy her sweetheart, Adam’s, sexual proclivities. She goes along with them anyway while she stares off at the ceiling.
In Secret Diary of A Call Girl, the main character does a good job of hiding her true feelings about the sex too.
A lot of lies are designed to protect a partner’s feelings or avoid conflict.
Take the woman who doesn’t tell her partner what she wants, or she has trouble setting a boundary. One example is the boyfriend who resists wearing a condom (girl lets him do it his way). Another is a girl not introducing a vibrator for fear her boyfriend will feel emasculated. In another scenario, girl fakes her orgasms because it takes so damn long with her honey. She wants to get it over with.
Then there’s the girl whose boyfriend keeps pressuring her to have a threesome. She cleverly sets it up so that she initiates sex with another guy and gets her boyfriend so furious that he flies off the handle and gets into a fight with the prospect. She didn’t have to speak up and say no—it was harder for her to say she didn’t want to do it in the first place. Just create a major spectacle.
If you are too busy taking care of your significant other’s feelings, you won’t feel free to have your own powerful, beautiful, sensual experience. At the same time, lovemaking is full of giving.
Healthy sex is a balance of give and take.
Think about your own white lies and sit a while with whether or not they are doing you or your partner good in the short or the long term.
It is an honor to join you in your journey to a healthier relationship with yourself and with others. I’d like to share this special insight I received recently from a reader: “How can anyone ever really know us if we don’t reveal our true selves, the likes, dislikes and preferences that help make us who we are.” Well said!
Join me on my blog, Stop Giving It Away, for more insight and community.
About the author: Cherilynn M. Veland, LCSW, MSW, is author of the forthcoming book Stop Giving It Away. She leads a new self-advocacy movement intended to help women reach out, speak up, and take action steps for what’s best for them. Please support this effort by liking the Facebook page and/or subscribing for updates on my blog. You can also connect on Twitter and Google Plus.
Pic from US Promotional Poster and Wikipedia