“Many people suffer all their lives from this oppressive feeling of guilt, the sense of not having lived up to their parents' expectations. This feeling is stronger than any intellectual insight they might have, that it is not a child's task or duty to satisfy his parents’ needs. No argument can overcome these guilt feelings, for they have their beginnings in life's earliest periods, and from that they derive their intensity and obduracy.” ―...
In the previous article titled An Introduction To Boundaries and Why We Need Them, we looked at what boundaries are and why it is important to have healthy boundaries. Here, we will explore the key problems people encounter related to boundaries and look at some solutions that you can implement to have better boundaries.
One of the most important things, if not the most important thing, in our social life is boundaries. In this article, we will briefly define boundaries, review the types of boundaries, and look at how we learn to have the boundaries that we have.
Self-harm is a commonly misunderstood psychological phenomenon. Some people believe that those who harm themselves are simply stupid because why else a person would do that. Others think that self-harm is only attention-seeking behavior. Some even call it selfish.
Toxic shame is one of the most common debilitating feelings that people struggle with. Toxic shame is a term that refers to a chronic feeling or emotional state of feeling bad, worthless, inferior, and fundamentally flawed. It is called toxic because it is unjust, whereas healthy shame is when we do something morally wrong, such as aggressing against others.
When we’re born, we don’t have any concept of what a healthy relationship looks like. A small child lacks perspective and the ability to critically evaluate their environment. They also lack independence, by the very nature of being a small, helpless, dependent child, and therefore must accept and justify their relationship with their caregivers in order to survive, no matter how bad that relationship is.
Children are, by nature, helpless and dependent human beings whose existence and well-being is dependent on the adults around them. This means that they have no choice but to trust their caregivers (parents, teachers, priests, family members, elders). Moreover, children are in development and new to the world, and therefore they are naturally ignorant and impressionable.
Naturally, human beings strive to seek truth. Ideally, we also aim to tell the truth. However, most people are highly inauthentic, overly worried about others opinions‘ of them, and constantly lie as adults. Sometimes consciously, often unconsciously. And if you look at a very small child, at someone who‘s still for the most part untraumatized and unbroken, you notice that children can be exceptionally honest.
People with strong narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic tendencies (hereafter narcissists) are unwilling or unable to resolve conflicts or participate in discussion in a healthy, mature manner.
People with strong narcissistic tendencies are known for certain destructive social patterns. Anybody who has had the misfortune of dealing with these types of people may notice that whenever there’s a conflict or any type of disagreement, they tend to act in an abhorrent yet predictable manner. In this article we will explore the common behaviors and scenarios where narcissistic and otherwise toxic people (hereafter narcissists) play the victim and manipulate the narrative.