6 thoughts on “Childhood Trauma: How We Learn to Lie, Hide, and Be Inauthentic

  • August 13, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    In therapy I have discovered I was a victim of emotional abuse and emotional incest as a child. Last session I asked my therapist if he wanted to meet the young me, age 13. To access my thoughts and feelings from that age I had to let 13 year old me speak in the first person. My therapist explained I split off that part of myself and kept it separate. I had kept her hidden for 40 years

  • August 18, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    The last two paragraphs speak volumes to me. It’s taken a very long time to untangle myself from my family of origin who I believe to be highly enmeshed and/or co-dependent. I don’t blame anybody for what happened in my early years; my parents did what they could with the tools they had. I realise that my healing is for me. I did not cause this pain but I’m going to do everything in my power to release myself from it.

  • August 19, 2018 at 2:27 am

    While reading this article I felt as though it was directed at me. It totally spoke volumes. I grew up in a dysfunctional military family. Incest, belittlement and ran away at an early age.
    Now in my 50’s and reading this, I know I need help.

  • January 16, 2019 at 6:56 am

    Very interesting and also very concerning for me as my youngest 3 children are all being traumatised by their father.We split after years of well documented abuse.Social services were involved at the time and helped to ease some concerns the kids were very torn over-they missed dad obviously as naturally they love him but at the time they had concerns that if they visited he wouldn’t return them home.Family court dealt with matters and I supported contact as it’s what my kids wanted,I adore my kids and do not think it ok to punish children for feelings and emotions that totally belong to them and are not for me to criticise,guide and advise yes but im not going to punish my kids for wanting to see dad-it’s only normal and reasonable for them to do so.
    Now some 3 years on -my girl has mentioned that the boys are being grabbed around the arms with force when dad is angry.They will not disclose any details at all about being hurt but have said that dad tells them all I’m after is any reason or excuse to stop him seeing them altogether,and I want to get daddy into trouble and he would rather be dead than to never see them again so they must be careful as I will twist words to get my way so maybe keep things secret from me !Im so worried for them,but until they disclose even a little of what’s happening then I’m in a difficult position as I can’t get conditions etc attached to contact order to protect them….I’ve tried to explain his behaviour was abusive our entire relationship as best I can without slandering…as a mum this is hurting way more than all he put me thru and I’ve read so much of how this will follow into later life for them ,they are great kids -I left because I wanted them to have a happy healthy life,but they still don’t only now they have to face it alone 😢😢

  • January 16, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    Such great information here. I think adults so often fail to realize how THEY are creating or contributing to the problem!

    I think I tend to overreact to someone lying because it triggers me. But I’m trying to work on that so that my kids don’t end up part of the same cycle.

  • February 26, 2019 at 11:59 am

    This article totally speaks to me. I learned to self erase in my childhood and only started to learn about my self in therapy in my 20s. I had no idea what my opinions or desires were. I didn’t want anything, all I did was study, read and watch TV. I was extremely depressed, socially anxious and had no friends. (Immigration from another country at the age of 13 didn’t help)

    I wanted to succeed in my studies and at least have a career but after going to school for many years for a high paying profession I found out that I couldn’t do it (after practicing several years and facing several humiliating firings), that my brain has a “slight” intellectual disability which makes it hard to practice that profession. I even went had my brain examined and was advised that it was “smaller” than usual, although other professionals said it was OK. Recently, after reading about childhood trauma I feel that may be the size of my brain is due to the emotional neglect and abuse I underwent. I was not physically abused. I have been in therapy for years and medication and therapy have helped.

    I am now in my 40s, in a situation where I am married, have a job in a different field, have a child, but feel stuck, lonely and depressed. I feel that I married a caretaker because of the lack of care in my childhood and at this point in my life it’s not enough. Although it’s better than my childhood, I still deal with similar issues of loneliness, dissatisfaction and still rage at my parents. Currently, I have only one close friend. I feel like everyone else wouldn’t understand where I am coming from and also it’s harder to make friends when everyone has families. I want to leave and I am no longer a doormat but it’s hard because of money and my kid. Dreaming of escape.


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