5 thoughts on “5 Ways Childhood Neglect and Trauma Skews Our Self-Esteem

  • May 14, 2018 at 5:12 pm

    I saw myself in 4 of the 5 items listed. I have low self esteem based on the way emotions were handled in my family of origin. Grief from the death of a parent led to therapy with the psychiatrist that treated me for depression and still treats me for anxiety. We have been working together for three years so far. He has helped me to see how important self care is which led to working with a trainer. It still feels strange to be listened to and supported emotionally without being judged but it has led to my trusting my therapist and feeling safe for the first time ever. The work continues but I am healing and if I can do it anyone can.

  • May 15, 2018 at 3:08 pm

    I saw myself in 4 of 5 also. (moms a narcissist ) so she has stolen alot of my life off of me. Its how I feel about it.
    The erasure of self especially.
    I also refer to my family of origin too. I haven’t talked to my mother in 14 yrs.
    I can’t.It took too much to get here.

  • May 15, 2018 at 6:06 pm

    I was raised by very dysfunctional parents that had their own self esteem issues. I never learned self care, or self worth. I have struggled my whole life. I tried to get my daughters to take care of me (emotionally) as that’s all I knew but they wisely chose to go no contact.

  • May 16, 2018 at 3:43 am

    The narcissist description fits my estranged elder sister to a T..best description I’ve read of her yet..
    My own self esteem issues derive from childhood emotional neglect..never got taught anything about emotions..regulation or intelligence..or effective communication..I know my parents loved me but their own upbringings and circumstances meant they didn’t learn this stuff themselves. It’s caused so much harm..I was so damn ignorant but then I had a young teenage daughter cutting herself..ten years ago now..I was completely ignorant of that too so I began a search because why and how could someone do that to themselves?! ..omg my eyes have been opened up by what I’ve learned. We are now changing our learned ways and are determined to break generational cycles.

  • June 18, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    I’m confused because I know my mother had a horrendous time at the hands of he abused and abusive mother, which she reports started when she was 7 and her mother had a bit of an unrecognised breakdown.
    I was always wary of my mother and found her emotionally intrusive and undifferentiating betwen me, my sister, and herself. I loathed this instinctively. She was also incredibly controllling, though talked rebelliously, and claimed to reject ‘authority’, yet in hindsight, complied with it to her daughters’ detriment, including in cases of obvious harm to our wellbeing.
    I loved my sister, yet she was allowed to bully me, including physically, from infancy. My Mum claimed at the time that my sister had a temper like her own which must not be repressed.
    My father was violent, apparently trying to control my mother using force, often attempting to physically shut her mouth or on one occasion, to stuff it with a soapy sponge to ‘clean her (swearing) mouth’
    I am not sure what my attachment style is, if any!
    I tend to feel high empathy, and loathe misuse of power or objectification.However I find most close relationships bewildering. I can wish for more contact than others seem to want from me, but I feel that this is wrong and could be harmful to the relationship so I tend to keep this to myself. I have been abused sexually in a partnership and was also groomed verbally by a male psychiatric nurse after a psychotic episode. By the way, I felt no attraction to this individual but believed I had to tolerate his intrusions as part of the treatment. I suspect I am drawn to unhappy yet emotionally distant potential partners.
    Is the combination of emotionally swamping and controlling mother, violent father and bullying yet genuinely loved sister (who killed herself) an unusual one? A psychologist spent 7 years trying to diagnose me with a PD and yet I fitted none of them enough. Am I ‘just’ someone with complex trauma, I wonder?


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