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Narcissists Hate Seeing You Happy


People with strong narcissistic tendencies hate seeing others do well. There are several reasons for this, and we will explore some of them in this article.

First and foremost, true happiness comes from within. Narcissistic people are unable to feel genuine happiness because they severely, or even completely, lack a sense of genuine self.

24 thoughts on “Narcissists Hate Seeing You Happy

  • November 8, 2017 at 7:20 am

    It’s a very heartbreaking situation for any children of the narcissist. As an adult of narcissistic parents and mother of five, I will never understand the jealousy and envy my mother shows me whenever I show any happiness or contentment with my life. What mother would not want her children to be happy? Isn’t that the whole point of raising children? Raising healthy, happy, productive adults? I can’t explain how hurtful it is to have your own mother demean and belittle you and your children for being happy with life, no matter what life is throwing your way at the time. It’s sick and childish and extremely damaging.

    Reply
    • November 19, 2017 at 8:14 am

      Tink: I completely agree. What mother doesn’t want the best for their child? Looking back at my childhood as an example, my mother wanted more for the siblings (my older brother and my youngest sister) who responded to her controlling personality. My twin sister and I were the difficult ones. We actually had our own brains and opinions, so we were punished constantly – just for that. We’d ask questions about our mother’s sanity but were told to shut up and not to rock the boat. It was ridiculous. However, in the meantime, we did try to do our best and it was pretty damn good. We blew our other siblings out of the water when it came to grades and sports. And, I think if we had failed, then we would have been more accepted. What we constantly find is that we attract similar people like our parents, lazy, critical and ones who use us and our ideas, then take all the credit. This is a pattern I have identified in my life and am trying to break it by attracting stellar people who practice excellence, accountability and transparency.In business affairs, I’ve had to cut business ties with lazy people. OF course they got angry, (I sign in itself) but I look at the facts – one guy did nothing he was contracted to do for six months! Nothing. The weird part is the contract was over and he still got mad. I guess he was afraid I’d sue him. And I should have. But I don’t like doing that dance of revenge.

      Reply
  • November 14, 2017 at 7:08 am

    My mom was jealous of me also and it’s surreal to me as to how a mom can’t enjoy your happiness. Now I’m married to a narcissist. He does not show affection something I crave.

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    • November 16, 2017 at 5:37 am

      Get out before you have children. It is a steep price to pay.

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    • December 14, 2017 at 9:59 am

      I agree with Cassie. Get out if you can. It doesn’t get better. If you can’t find help, learn ways to handle the craziness. You may have to seat yourself as his boss at home. In business these people have to defer to a boss and the boss knows how to handle his type. Spent 31 years with mine, he only had one friend, I wasn’t it. I kept him in line, it was like raising another child. Will never do that again in this or the next life. He hated seeing me happy so I kept my happiness to myself when he was around. What kind of life is that

      Reply
  • November 14, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Just comming out of a 30 year marriage to a malignant narcicst. It feels like I am an earthquake victim that has been found , rescued and brought to the surface to breathe. I did not know of thus term, I thought it was my imagination,

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    • November 28, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      Sophia, I am the same. 30 year difficult marriage. Best decision I ever made was to finally (finally!) divorce him. I have been FREE for 25 years now. When he died, about 12 yrs. ago, was when true freedom came.

      Reply
  • November 16, 2017 at 5:35 am

    It is impossible to escape a narcissist’s abuse when you have children with him. The smear campaign is the most detrimental. Not only to complete strangers get fed lies and horrific stories, my children (two sons) have heard and hear all the disgusting lies. I feel like I cannot crawl out from under the sewage he spews and my sons are beginning to disrespect females, and other people, mimicking their dad’s sick and twisted behavior.

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    • November 19, 2017 at 8:20 am

      Cassie, get a good lawyer who can argue the case that your sons are being lied to about their mother and that it’s colouring their view of women. This is considered child abuse if it’s not true. If you don’t do something now, then you are part of the problem and you will add two more misogynist men to the world who will cause more pain to women. Get full custody now and get them into therapy. You know it’s happening, do something about it!

      Reply
  • November 17, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    That’s my mother! She never once tried to cheer me on. When I did something well, she tried to copy it or sabotage it. For example, the last time my children and I were at my parent’s, I made a dessert for everyone that I have been working on for years. The next evening she ‘tried’ to make the exact same dessert. She brought to us like it was a surprise ‘Look what surprise I made you’. My dad just looked at me awkwardly, like ‘Is this okay?’ But it wasn’t okay. It was embarrassing. It was insulting and petty. She had this stupid smug smile on her face. My entire childhood was made up of this kind of thing. She would get rid of anything that made me happy – pets, plants, toys. Everything was about her. Anyway, I haven’t been back there for years. I can safely say I won’t miss her when she’s gone.

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  • November 17, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    My Mother is a covert narcissist, all my life her vicious put downs robbed me of any self esteem and confidence,and I subsequently married a sociopath who continued the abuse and scapegoating,which I thought I deserved.
    My grown up daughter who was always defiant and bossy from a young age has all the same characteristics as my Mother and Husband. I do not have a normal relationship with her,she has used me up and now has thrown me
    under the bus!.
    Life is lonely but at least I can live in peace

    Reply
  • November 18, 2017 at 7:10 am

    It’s amazing how once we can detach from these emotionally destructive people our life improves. I agree with Tia, my parents have thrown me under the bus- I would rather be thrown under the bus then to have their toxic fumes in my life. Be glad your done with the narcissist- go live your life on your own terms and be happy! My heart goes out to everyone dealing with this!

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  • November 18, 2017 at 11:35 am

    I sometimes have the urge to seek revenge and sometimes even approval (which I will never get from them, my dr told me), but I know it will only drag me in deeper into the mess. They pit each sibling against each other. No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. But the ironic part is the harder I tried the more jealous they got and the more vengeful they got. When I was getting married my dad kept his promise to NOT pay for my wedding. We had a civil ceremony and a small dinner after ward. I didn’t complain. Until, my brother had two beautiful weddings (yes, two! One abroad and one here!) a few years later. All these people were invited and he and his wife had planned and was getting everything I ever wanted in a wedding – the white gown, the church, the reception. Why? I just couldn’t understand why? What did I do that was so horrible not to deserve what most girls get? It was just so sick. The whole time I was sad, but my brother was gloating. He always got twice as much as me. One wedding would make me jealous, but two made me so, so hurt, and humiliated. But I had to keep up a front. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and revealed to my mom how my brother sexually abused my sister. Without a blink she said, Well, now he’s married and he can do that to his wife. That said, we went of to the church service. She probably said to herself that I was trying to ruin it. Maybe I was, because of the rage and injustice I felt. It was all so evil, and none of them belonged in that church. The whole time my brother had this smug look on his face, kind of like when he finished the last of my favourite cereal right in front of me when we were kids. That’s how they got away with this crap because it was so horrendous that nobody would believe it. And they were so evil they would make things up about us to justify their abuse and selfishness.
    I, too, suffer from envy. But I think it stems from being constantly put down compared to my siblings. I was, indeed, the scapegoat so got the brunt of the attacks – physical and psychological. I have to snap myself out of it when I see someone doing better than me, and know that jealousy is a sign that that’s what I want and I need to work for to achieve it, not take the success away from someone else by being bitter and vengeful. But on the other hand I think I stop myself from success because I get this horrible feeling that they will (as they have) somehow get involved and sabotage me and my efforts. That’s the truly frightening part. In the past I’ve got emails out of the blue from my mother trying to cause a stir over nothing. Those are the times I am frightened of.
    I’ve never been a religious person, but I have been spiritual. I do pray and truly believe that God was the only one who got me through some of those horrific times. He was there when I felt so alone. I don’t have many friends because I understandably have trust issues, but I love my daughters and try to do everything I can for them. I want my daughters to do better than I did. That’s how parents should feel about their children. They should make their lives easier, not try to tear them down.

    Reply
    • November 19, 2017 at 1:22 am

      Lisa,

      Your story is very heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re surrounded by people like that in your life. But I want you to know that I think it’s wonderful that you prioritize being a good mom to your daughters. You’re the winner. You, Lisa. 🙂

      Reply
  • November 19, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    Does anyone else on here have a problem with voicing their opinions and ideas on social media then dealing with any subsequent responses? I have it in my head that I’ll ruin my career if I say anything a bit edgy, even though it’s how I truly feel. This sounds sad, but once I do say something and someone actually responds in a positive way, then I respond, I get antsy when they stop a conversation we’ve been having and don’t respond to my post. I’m so afraid I said something wrong or offensive. Is that weird and desperate?
    Have any of you overcome anxiety? If so, how?

    Reply
    • November 19, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Hi,

      When I started writing my blog and making videos years ago, I had some similar worries. I was also socially anxious growing up and it took me A LOT of self-work to get to a place where these things don’t elicit anxiety anymore.

      The thing is, even if one is rational, reasonable, respectful, helpful, caring, considerate, and so on, there will be people who disagree or dislike whatever you’re saying or doing. Especially on the Internet—which seems to be even worse these days. A lot of people are so quick to act out their unresolved issues by attacking others, trolling, purposefully “misunderstanding,” “outing,” going on witch hunts, or being mean to others in other ways.

      That said, at the end of the day, whoever they are, they’re just people on the Internet. Not to say that they are “less human,” but they are not your family or friends or people you really care about or care about you. Most interactions on social media are not that important on a greater scale of things. Also, you have some control over your online environment, so you can choose where to interact with people or block people who are being toxic.

      People will think what they will think. Some will like you and will be respectful to you. Others will dislike or ignore you. Many of them have the same worries and anxieties that you do, so they are preoccupied with that. There are many possible reasons why someone may not respond to your comment. One of them may be that they think what you said is inconsiderate or incorrect. But there are many other possible reasons, too.

      It seems you are generally afraid of people having a negative reaction to you, so I would suggest working on that. It’s a learned reaction to a social environment, so resolving the initial, underlying issue and retraining yourself to react differently would help tremendously.

      Meanwhile, if you can endure and get more comfortable with the thought of someone disliking or misunderstanding you—and trust yourself that you will be okay even if they dislike you—you will become increasingly more resilient to it.

      I don’t want to drag it out too much here. I have talked about it a little in this article: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2017/07/5-regular-things-socially-anxious-people-struggle-with/ And in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2dy7NQwj6M

      I hope that helps!
      Darius, author of the article

      Reply
      • December 15, 2017 at 4:43 am

        Really nice response.

        Reply
      • December 15, 2017 at 6:53 pm

        It’s funny how, these days, if you experience a perceived rejection you automatically thinks it’s because the ‘rejecter’ read a comment you made on your twitter and was suddenly so horrified about you that he decided he wanted no more to do with you.

        Reply
      • January 30, 2018 at 2:31 pm

        Good points! I am sympathetic because I am like MK – or used to be. When I began to understand my own dysfunctions (people pleaser, always agreeable, non confrontational), I started to enjoy commenting on different sites. I had to learn who I was, what I thought on controversial subjects. At first when people attacked me, I was upset for days! I didn’t mind logical arguments, but trolls would call me an idiot, or senile, or ascribe beliefs to me that were not true.
        I find that this helps me a lot and I would encourage others to do the same. It’s good practice for standing up for yourself, and for quickly disengaging those who are not seriously interested in debate. Having different positions on a topic is fine. Trying to control the discussion with epithets and profanity is not.
        I do have a strict rule of no politics on Facebook. These friends are for support and encouragement, not honing debate skills.

        Reply
  • December 13, 2017 at 7:00 am

    Hi I have just came out of a 12yr relationship which now I understand he was/is a narcisstic man,reading lots of posts online has made me understand what these people are capable of,I am early stages but now know after the 1000th time I know to keep my distance,with no contact or communication,I do have a question though,are narcisstic folk born this way,or do they learn to be nasty and calculating,to me its like the lights on but no one’s home,its their world and that’s it,do they learn this behaviour from childhood,or is it some kind of mental illness,or is there no explanation at all,it would be interesting to know why they are like the way they are,Liz

    Reply
  • December 31, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    You just described my parents…

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  • January 30, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    Yes, my Narcopath hates me and yes, I am happy. He’s a sibling, which is good: I haven’t lived with him for decades. It’s also bad: the family dynamic lives on, honed to precision since infancy. How sad for dysfunction to be born in tragedy (deaths of other siblings), and require the death of parents to end the misery of a life entwined with a Narcopath.
    Perhaps the saddest part is that all the signs were there – in hindsight – but we didn’t know what it was until it was too late. It was too late to save his family. Too late to save my parents’ financial legacy.
    But not too late to save myself.

    Reply
  • February 25, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Is the Narcissist also someone that continually sexually gratifies his self alone and in front of you.

    Reply
    • May 22, 2018 at 6:07 am

      My husband did!

      Reply
 

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