15 thoughts on “How Childhood Abuse Becomes Self-Abuse

  • October 24, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    My favorite lame excuse from a parent for being a real rancid human being towards their kid is, “I just didn’t know what else to do.” Really? You didn’t know telling your 8 year old child he’s a selfish rat was somehow not good for the him? Enjoy your old age and loneliness, you old prick.

    • October 26, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      My dad told me when I just about 8 that I was “the most selfish person he had ever met.” It doesn’t matter why, but that stuck with me so much, I can still feel the panic, shame, and humiliation of that moment clearly. I forgot a lot of other stuff from back then, but I never forgot that. Glad to know that I wasn’t the only selfish 8 year running around…

      • October 27, 2017 at 6:52 pm

        I wish I’d been raised by our neighbors.

  • October 24, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    I am doing work on me. I can relate to your article. It is very hard to acknowledge where I am wrong if I continue to blame or excuse, nothing changes. Silence kills. Ownership hurts and is hard. I must break the cycle. When I know better I do better.

  • October 25, 2017 at 9:58 am

    The only relief I’ll get is when I die. No more therapy. No more pouring it out to ppl who can’t possibly understand. I don’t believe there is anything that can fix it. It’s a lifelong curse. Period.

  • October 25, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    I can relate to a lot of things that you wrote. I barely have any memories of my childhood nowadays,I’ve even forgotten huge chunks of my teen years, but that’s because good memories became sour after something traumatizing that happened three years ago that I’m currently dealing with. I have a lot of repressed memories. But I remember some things, like the fact that I was bullied at school, and I complained to my family several times about it and most of the time their answer was, “It’s because you are a bad kid at home, bad things are happening at school so you pay for your bad behavior.” Those ideas have carried along with me… I became socially stumped, I can make friends but I try to keep them at a safe distance from me because I feel like I could hurt them. For the same reason (and also because I’m gay and it’s hard to find people to date when you live in a homophobic country that has very few safe spaces), I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. I truly believe I’m a terrible person. I wasn’t really a trouble maker or anything, though I can’t know how bad I used to be because I don’t remember much of my childhood, but I know I used to cry a lot and it was seen as a bad thing at home, so now I find it hard to cry most of the time. And I’ve been working very hard on making myself think the opposite but it’s been hard, specially since i put most of my self worth in my “work” (which is currently only schoolwork) and I struggle with depression and anxiety (and possibly ADHD and Autisim. If I’m not wrong it was confirmed I was autistic as a child but, even if my mom did make the effort to raise me and help me with homework, she was adamant to tell me I had autism, and I’ve always been expected to act as normal as possible. That’s another thing, my grandparents constantly remind me of my failures, they blame me for things that aren’t really my fault, and point out how abnormal I act. But the list of what’s wrong with me could take me forever to write so I’ll leave it here.) Do you have any concrete tips on how to deal with this kind negative thinking? I’m currently working on my graduation project and my horrible self esteem and anxiety are depriving me from achieving my goals.

  • October 25, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    I feel like a failure for not recovering, and am too old for anyone to care. Pretending is the only thing I can do now if I want people to want my company. Once again, in submission.

  • October 25, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    I’m giving up. Behave myself into supposed wellness worked for a while, but I’m slipping back. If I want loved ones to choose my company, I have to pretend, so that’s my fate. Too old for anyone to care, and too unable to heal.

  • October 27, 2017 at 1:49 am

    I.m an anxious person all my life…fear has stopped me from success…from doing something significant in my life…all the time i,ve lived in my comfort zone..at the same time I feel frustrated in life for not having succeded in anything.THat internal fear is all the time so paralyzing .Feeling frustrated in life also takes me to judge myself.I believe that I deserve to suffer for being a mediocre person…sometimes I thing I deserve the worst in life.There is no self-steem in me.All that counts is the negative things I did in life.Anything positive don’t count, is just a lucky accident…Any difficult situation even the smallest one overwhelsme …drags me all the way along….thats why in any sign of perceived danger in any situation I run away…I feel I’m a worthless person because I made so many mistakes and failures in my life..There is no something interesting in my life…I live because I have to…feeling bad about myself all the time…I see life in a dark way……

  • November 10, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    I had a dad who was very verbally,emotionally,some physical abusive.
    Ive been in therapy for 5 years. Struggle with self hatred, especially towards my inner child..she holds all the emotions that make me vulnerable.

  • November 15, 2019 at 9:32 am

    This is really hard for me. I experience the same issues a lot of you do. I’ve tried to commit suicide several times. I loathe myself, beat myself up, and tear myself down. I’ve been sexually molested more times than I care count. My father was a totalitarian dictator. His physical and mental abuse were unbearable. I have exceedingly low self-esteem and confidence. He used to tell me he wished I was a boy. I was taught that crying was a weakness. I demand perfection in myself because that was what my father demanded of me. I’ve been through years of therapy and take a shit load of drugs.The sooner I die, the better off I’ll be. I’m a horrible excuse for a human being.

    • February 11, 2020 at 12:07 am

      Terri, I’m sorry you’ve been hurt and abused and made to feel worthless. I wish my saying “you’re not the awful things your father’s actions and life’s experiences caused you to feel” had the power to instantly remove years worth of pain and lies. But it doesn’t. I know your response was left a few months ago but I hope you’re still living. I believe even in our darkest days/nights/moments/whatever, we still have a purpose. Nothing we go through can diminish our worth. I hope that you (and myself on challenging days like today) can truly come to know and understand that.

      I truly hope you’re okay. You deserve love. You’re not defective. You have value. 🖤

    • July 31, 2020 at 7:42 pm

      You are a wonderful human being and God loves you no matter what. You belong in this world and you do matter. Find your place in this world. Sorry for your pain.

  • March 8, 2020 at 8:07 am

    This is a very useful article.
    Whilst one can have a high degree of success in relationships, career and self development the little bug continues to pop up.
    Having made great leaps forward from my childhood traumas I still fight addictive aspects in my life.
    For all those who have written comments thank you and keep trying to love yourself.

  • August 13, 2020 at 10:34 am

    I have lived in survival mode my whole life, from an abusive drunk step-father, to a neighbor who molested me from the age of 5 to 6 years old. To live in hunger and poverty because my mother chose not to work and was to proud to get state aid, we lived on her widows benefits from the death of her first husband. I still to this day can not eat macaroni and cheese, she would buy 60 boxes of the cheep stuff and use water to make the cheese and split one box four ways. Sometimes for dinner she would cut up a hot dog and put it in it. Thank goodness for free lunches at school! My step-fathers two favorite things to do when he was drunk was throw his hunting knife across the room and try to hit us with it if we didn’t duck fast enough. He would also hold me down and tickle me til I couldn’t breath then he would, walk away laughing as i laid there crying and trying to breath. When I was 15 my cousin told me that my Mom’s first husband who had died wasn’t really my Dad, I grew up being told he died before I was born. In truth my real father lived three hours away and never knew about me! We tried to connect but, he had his own problems and it was very strained. At 16 I was raped by a friend of the family, and then he went and bragged to friends we had had sex and no one believed me that is was anything but sex. My self worth is low and I have a hard time trusting or believing anyone still to this day. I’m working on me very slowly and trying to let myself believe I am worth something! It is not going well but, I keep trying.


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