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5 Ways Narcissists Project and Attack You

Most narcissists generally lack self-awareness. Indeed, their sense of self-esteem and self-worth depends on how others perceive them, and they tend to deny flaws in themselves and blame others for their own shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes. This is called projection, and people with narcissistic tendencies are projection-heavy individuals.

15 thoughts on “5 Ways Narcissists Project and Attack You

  • September 27, 2017 at 12:38 am

    I recognize all 5 of these things very well. I have experienced these very things with my narcissist. I remember how confused I would be about his accusations as and then rt repeatedly telling me to stop turning it. I now fully understand what he is doing.

  • October 2, 2017 at 9:22 am

    Spot on! Narcissism is tossed around on a societal level these days but your clinical evaluation is so accurate! I have a sibling with NPD and the above described him explicitly.

    Thank you for sharing and helping those who are close to a narcissist.

  • October 2, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    I lived that life of hell for 5 years. You can’t forget the walking on eggshells all the time afraid you will say the wrong thing to set them off; but the #1 punishment the narcissist LOVES to give is the Silent Treatment!!!!

    • April 2, 2018 at 1:30 am

      Narcs Love to dish out the Silent treatmeng,as they Hate getting it (Silent Treatment). When you cut All contact with them, they go into Maximum overdrive with Stalking- following you, calling 50 times a day, showing up at your job-work-anothers house, Unannounced & Uninvited, launching a Full on Smear Campaign on You. They are Pure Evil.

  • November 19, 2017 at 1:33 am

    The only thing worse than discovering you were with a narcissist is seeing the traits show up in their offspring. The guilt for bringing a possibly harmful person into the world can be immense. The most frustrating thing is realizing they believe their self-delusions like no other, and they can’t see that they’re sick. There’s no talking to them. You just wait for the legal age when you can evict them. It’s astounding and horrifying to witness. Therapy is a game for them. They’re either manipulating the situation or practicing their deceptions on the therapist. The years have felt like a total waste, so much unhealthiness. I would have been better off lonely and with a dog, rather than lonely a decade stuck with horrible memories. It takes all you got to move on, with or without relationships. I even want to leave my home town and let the narc son & father have it! Losing my roots hurts, but it’s worth the peace of mind. I just wish my remaining family didn’t have to deal with them. Their powers of manipulation are insane. I hope in the future this gene can be turned off, just like certain cancers. Or maybe their empathy gene can be turned on. Either way, these people bring so much misery that something has to be done to protect everyone else. I find that only people who have lived with a toxic person understands how hard it is to describe the type of abuse they dole out.

    • April 2, 2018 at 1:47 am

      You are right in saying that People who have Never been in contact with/lived with a Narc, have No idea, & cant Even begin, to imagine what its like. Some have a hard time believeing you.
      It is harder when you have a child with the Narc, & the child begins to behave Exactly as the Narc parent did. You think you have escaped him.
      I had to tell my child/young teen that I Divorced her dad because of His Taunting, Berating & his thinking that He Owned me, & I wasnt going to tolerate it with her. “I” am the ‘Mother’ & She is the child. She would calm down, a little, for a day or 2, & then go right back to her narc ways. After she became an adult, I finally had to cut her out of my life. I couldnt stand her Narcopathy another day. She thinks she’s done Nothing wrong. Its heart breaking.

  • March 23, 2018 at 9:41 am

    Such a twisted and dysfunctional relationship is difficult enough for adults.
    Imagine being a child with a narcissistic parent projecting, twisting, raging, denying and manipulating the child’s psychological identity and reality.

  • April 1, 2018 at 7:19 pm


  • April 12, 2018 at 10:30 am

    After 13 months I saw a true narcissist. He verbally / emotionally tore me apart twice now. I’m planning my no contact strategy now. Wish me luck.

  • May 3, 2018 at 11:45 am

    This is an excellent article and very accurately depicts the behavior of a narcissist. I do have a comment about the use of the word projection. It is my understanding that true projection is largely unconscious. It is my experience that narcissists are entirely aware of their actions and thoughts although they would like you to believe they’re unaware of the harmful, antisocial things they think and do.

    I find it helps me to think of their ‘projection’ (which causes me to want to explain, defend, rationalize with them so they can ‘see’) as the prism of their prospective. They lie, aggress, control, manipulate, attack, are selfish, unempathetic, lack compassion, ect and they think everyone else is doing it as well. The narcissist in my life has taken the time to ‘set me straight’ that I’m just better than he is in pretending (imitating). Now maybe he is ‘projecting’ but that piece of information certainly created the insight for me to see his behavior and actions as a predictable pattern consistent with that belief.

    They are very disturbing individuals that create a lot of damage.

    • May 18, 2018 at 9:32 am

      this article is spot on for me, an Charlie your comment is insightful, I have seen and feel like you said that they don’t know or at least don’t realize what they are doing, I have asked my N right afterword’s what was said and they could not tell me, could not remember with out my provocation, seems it just comes naturally.
      Also the thinking that everyone else is doing it all so, very important to remember when dealing with them, and there is no convincing them otherwise.
      How can you talk or repair, there thoughts with this.

  • May 13, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    I live with what I call a “part-time” narcissist. He is generally an (almost) normal, decent, generous man most of the time. Then, like a pot on the stove that gets too hot, he periodically boils over. Then I see it all: the blaming, the gaslighting and projecting, the irrational rages, the need for control–all of it. Classic textbook narcissism. Sometimes, when I refuse to buy into this insanity and totally ignore him, the adult disappears and the 5-year-old child emerges–the “poor me” act–along with sobbing, temper tantrums, and an actually visible regression into young childhood. Needless to say, this is an appalling spectacle.

    Usually I have no idea what prompts these situations, but I’ve figured out that he is angry and (most importantly) feeling impotent over some real or imagined slight that I had nothing to do with. He lashes out at me because I’m convenient and he needs to relieve the pressure that’s boiling over in his head.

    Not fun, but I’ve learned to consider the source and have also learned how to deal with it. He’s very irrational and verbally abusive during these episodes but has never been physically abusive. (He’s also incredibly paranoid. I suspect he’s too afraid of the potential consequences. I once told him I’d find a way to kill him if he ever hurts me.)

    Naturally I don’t love him any more. That died years ago. I could probably leave, but it would be difficult. A handicapped adult son lives with us who is unable to work and money would be tight. I would just be trading one problem for another. So I stay. He’s old now. So am I. Maybe he’ll die one of these days and leave us in peace. I can’t say I wouldn’t miss him because he has many good qualities, but as the saying goes, “If I had it all to do over again…” Meanwhile I just try to enjoy his “good” days and make myself scarce on the bad ones.

    • May 18, 2018 at 9:43 am

      that is so sad, remember your never to old, I keep telling myself that as I make plans to be finally free. I’m glad you have found a way to cope that works for you.

      I think you might be onto something with your comment of ((( what I call a “part-time” narcissist )
      I think it is always there, just resting for the next episode. how long in-between ?
      mine varies, usually a couple of weeks or three, then I could be a couple of days
      best of luck

      • May 18, 2018 at 2:38 pm

        Hi Bob. Episodes occur on average three or four times a year, unless something happens to trigger one. Then all bets are off. I manage to cope (and remain quite upbeat) because it isn’t more frequent. As I said, he has many good qualities otherwise, but mental problems are becoming increasingly more noticeable as he gets older. His “normal” days are less normal but, thankfully, not in a narcissistic way–if that makes sense. It’s definitely worrisome, but I don’t think I could just bail on him. My two adult kids and I are all he has.

  • June 8, 2018 at 12:08 pm

    Dealing with one now in my family. I “poked the bear” and he is putting in work. He’s an in-law that I discovered was cheating and have proof. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband that gives me lots of support. Everyone else doesn’t want to deal with it, and choose to stay “neutral.” I can’t help but look at them as disloyal, as I am an integral person and his attacks are lies. He clipped bits and pieces of my Facebook account to say I was talking about him. Complete lie- my Facebook is proof!!! So, the family being neutral is hurtful. My best defense is to walk away- it’s just sad.


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