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5 Comments to
Seeking Validation from the Wrong People Is Self-Destructive

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  1. im not giving a chance to say something what really i mean.. for that i want to validate myself.

  2. I think is not possible to get Selfvalidation when a person grows in a disfunktional family and later recreates the same situation as in their origin family without to have any interaccion with another Person, that gives him the adecuate feedback to get a sense of rightness to their own feelings and to set them free from the manipulation of the abuser. Nice theory, but the praxis shows another reality.
    Best regards

    • One of the points I was trying to make in the article is that the ultimate goal here would be to learn self-validation instead of routinely looking for external validation and possibly staying mentally dependent on others or feeling disappointed, hurt lost, and confused after encountering invalidation.

      It’s a long and complicated process, though. I think your right in saying that a person needs external, objective validation from someone that cares about them, at least once in their life. This is an idea that psychologist Alice Miller referred to as ‘enlightened witness’ or ‘caring witness.’

      All the best!

      • I think you are right! … how’s that for validation

  3. Self-validating thought for someone mired in a negative self-concept: “We are not put on this earth to be against ourselves. Such a thing would make no sense. As of now I am behind myself and support myself regardless of how great or wonderful I am at any particular thing. I will befriend myself and stand up against the inner critic who is actually just another’s abusive voice taken up residence in my psyche. I will find my own voice and it will be pro me.” (Something like that.)


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