5 thoughts on “How Lack of Love in Childhood Robs Us of Love in Adulthood

  • October 4, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    Thank you, a good article. Take care, Michael Skinner

  • October 12, 2019 at 4:10 pm

    This article is spot on. I can so relate to this as I had married an abusive man similar to my mother, and have been reluctant to enter into new relationships because I don’t trust my “judgment” about people. I realized that I needed more than to soothe an heal myself. I also need good role models for the type of loving relationship that I want and my part in it (e.g., spouse, partner, mother).

  • November 28, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    Reading about these people over and over has given me a better peace in my heart to beleive I lived with my ex husband for 30yrs trying to keep my family, and can now see how what he was doing and made sure he took over my youngest daughter through our life as my other two have told me what he said behind by back…let alone to me..he is everything like what you say about NPControll yrs of pain for me and still for my other two daughters they have no contact with him..but would like to see their sister as I do I miss her though she wont talk to us..he even gave her and the boyfried..she went with at 15yrs and is now 24yrs) $50.000 to add to the new home as while my first girl was in the room while it was given in front of my ex MOTHER who was close to 90yrs failing health..i believe was mostly her money as he bossed her too.The heartbreaking story is he has made sure that this daughter has nothing to do with us..she even married this fellow without us..i believe he paid off for the yrs he took my baby away to live with this man and his parents when he was 5yrs older than her back then..on that day my ex said to myother girl at this meeting atfer the hand over he does not want her in his life…My second daughter has just had a baby boy..first grandchild and the Naristic daughter has no care to meet or see him, mother of my blessed grandbabythought she would try to friend her on the birth day of him usually she has never answered her phone for 4yrs since granny passed (his mum) and she made remarks of bitchyness about me instead of other happy words ..joy for the new mum… the yrs passed the sadness we indure for loss of their sister..my little girl never seems to change…the stories are too long..too many yrs to tell the stories how this father treated his family only as he says girls as he always wanted a son and punished me verbally…through his alkohole..voice daily..a man of two personalitys..the sufferings through the yrs we wasted because he was the father..that wasnt and the husband that wasnt…I dont feel blame that i could have a better morher..i dont wasnt me the twisted mind of their father who had affairs and watched his girls and did things to get a kick out provocitive actions and words towards hir own..when i couldsay something he make out i was crazy..Any way Im glad to know to understand these people who are another? that we cant understand ..I love this daughter breaks my heart that she has been brain washed by her father.and she dosnt realize or she has the same personally.. I prey for her to change,im 63yrs now.. ihope she may rethink her feelings but while he has made sure to punish us till his death bed we will never understand her ways we are getting on to hold happier days with our little blessing in our small family..

  • March 10, 2020 at 1:57 am

    I was unwanted and made to feel as such mostly though my mother would try to argue otherwise now, but she had told me often enough. Her interest was mostly in being on her back so to speak … consistently through from age 5-15. I guess as my dad ran off with her best friend she wanted someone to love her … but she was left with me and as a package it was fine but on my own I wasn’t. Many nights from age 5 I’d leave the house with my dog and I’d curl up somewhere in bushes or hiding place , hours to hours and hours… her metal headboard on my bedroom wall banged loudly , the heating ventilation meant you heard everything and naked men on our landing , each weekend on night out it seemed. Mum always tells ppl I was lovely until around 5 and then I changed …. no ****! I became angry all the time and did not like male teachers or the boys at school, I’d beat them up too but mostly my aggression was released in sport as I got older. Never got into having boyfriends, older guys liked me but not in my year and they were all ‘boys’. I became bullied by older girls then too and they made everyday at school hell and I’d go home and hate it their too… the only one constant love I had was with my beautiful dog…when I lost her my world fell apart:(. I left school and started to make male friends, this was something I didn’t really have before, plus at 14 one of the night visitors broke into our house and attacked me for over 3 hours… so …. one problem I found with these friends however is they always wanted something else from me eventually and I’d get annoyed at this , ‘how dare they I thought they were my friend’….I held that as more important to me so they let me down and I’d stop the friendship… the guys I did get involved with I didn’t like and had no respect for and it’s never changed… I wanted love though but would of never chose them as a friend… Eventually everyone failed me , those that mattered anyway, ppl I’d of risked my life for turned on me over guys, after years of friendship, I began to see you can’t trust anyone with you but your dog… fell out with family as they’d rather believe some lying psycho than me who’s only ever had their best interest at heart , treat others how you want to be treated right? I had … So I figured then I don’t really like ppl anymore… their not to be trusted with my love or friendship at all… what was the point of giving so much and getting so little in return? Their words of love and promises running through my head trampling all over me. Now I barely leave the house or see anyone , I made a conscious effort to talk online too people but it would be easier for me not too… furthermore I developed illnesses such as fybromyalgia , cfs, migraine, the list of physical pain goes on and I only keep going for my dogs… yet now I cannot deal with emotions at all I cry at everything which leads to further crying until I upset myself so much I cannot see or hardly breathe… I will think about the worst pain I can imagine knowing it’s going to happen too , it messes me up. I think then ‘well I cannot cope now never mind when it happens ‘ then think about how I’ll have to end my life as that’s the only way out I see. ( funny I went to court tribunal over losing my ESA and the judge said I was not depressed I show no signs of it… no my anxiety was peaking that day …but if a judge will not see invisible illnesses what hope do I have?’ My childhood traumas from the men to the beatings she gave me and enjoyed, being grabbed with my friend aged 8 by 2 men trying to force themselves into our mouths … who we bit and ran off being chased… we never told our parents , we were scared too, I thought somehow I’d get the blame… too more men, to being attacked , then something else, I attracted it … so what was the point ? I never had kids either just dogs… I’d learnt to love a dog and knew I was loved in return something never experienced with a person as ultimately I’d be let down , something my dogs couldn’t do..
    Now your old and need me … I still snap sometimes and she’s the only person I’ve ever been this way with too… and she will mention it and I hold my tongue thinking you really don’t want me to tell you why I’m quick to be wound up by you … you really don’t. This is what you created after all…


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *