Naturally, human beings strive to seek truth. Ideally, we also aim to tell the truth. However, most people are highly inauthentic, overly worried about others opinions‘ of them, and constantly lie as adults. Sometimes consciously, often unconsciously. And if you look at a very small child, at someone who‘s still for the most part untraumatized and unbroken, you notice that children can be exceptionally honest.
People with strong narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic tendencies (hereafter narcissists) are unwilling or unable to resolve conflicts or participate in discussion in a healthy, mature manner.
People with strong narcissistic tendencies are known for certain destructive social patterns. Anybody who has had the misfortune of dealing with these types of people may notice that whenever there’s a conflict or any type of disagreement, they tend to act in an abhorrent yet predictable manner. In this article we will explore the common behaviors and scenarios where narcissistic and otherwise toxic people (hereafter narcissists) play the victim and manipulate the narrative.
“It is not worth the while to let our imperfections disturb us always.” ― Henry David Thoreau In past articles, we talked about feeling not good enough and being stuck in trying to be perfect. Today, we will explore some alternative perspectives and exercises on how you can accept yourself more and feel good enough.
Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. ― Brené Brown The Origins of Perfectionism The unfortunate reality is that most of us suffer from perfectionism to one degree or another.
Verbal abusers, manipulators, those with strong narcissistic tendencies, and otherwise toxic people wittingly or unwittingly use language to hurt and exploit others. Sometimes it’s because they feel insecure and want to attack others to feel better about themselves. Other times they just want something from you and say untrue and hurtful things to get it. Or sometimes they want to justify their abusive behavior or shift responsibility. In these cases, along with many others, they use words to manipulate you. In a previous article, titled Things Abusers and Manipulators Say to Their Victims, we looked at common things abusers and toxic people say to their victims and what it actually means. In this article, we will take a few examples and explore possible reactions to them.
Trauma victims commonly blame themselves. Blaming oneself for the shame of being a victim is recognized by trauma specialists as a defense against the extreme powerlessness we feel in the wake of a traumatic event. Self-blame continues the illusion of control shock destroys, but prevents us from the necessary working through of the traumatic feelings and memories to heal and recover. ― Sandra Lee Dennis
What is self-blameAn overwhelming amount of people routinely experience mild or complex trauma symptoms from the environment they had in their formative years. One of such symptoms is toxic self-blame.
The feeling of being valuable—"I am a valuable person"—is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adulthood to destroy their spirit. — M. Scott Peck A child is dependent on the people who raise them, who have authority and power over them, and this is on their caregivers. The child learns about relationships from their relationship with their primary caregivers. And most importantly, this is how the child learns how to self-relate.
Self-esteem is one of the core concepts in regard to our self-perception, self-worth, and self-understanding. Self-esteem is something that people refer to all the time, be it a mental health professional, a regular person, and everyone in between.
Most people have experienced childhood neglect to one degree or another at some point during their lives. Of those, many don’t even recognize it as neglect or abuse because people tend to idealize their childhood upbringing or even defend child abuse in order to cope with their own unpleasant feelings.