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The 3 Levels of Sex Addiction

Sex addiction is a term that’s becoming more and more prevalent in all aspects of the addiction community. This is particularly true as we discover more about the addiction interaction disorder of...


Addiction

Alternative Facts: AASECT and the Anti Sex Addiction Rant

In November of 2016 the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) issued a politically motivated, painfully biased, and clinically unsound policy statement saying their organization “does not find sufficient empirical evidence to support the classification of sex addiction or porn addiction as a mental health disorder,” and that sex addiction treatment is not “adequately informed by accurate human sexuality knowledge.”...


General

Hooking Up: The Hype, The Reality and The Future

The media, social scientists and a majority of young people report that “Hooking up” has replaced traditional dating relationships on college campuses.  What is “Hooking-Up?” Hooking up is defined as a sexual encounter including everything from oral sex to sexual intercourse, between two people who are strangers or brief acquaintances without commitment or expectations, and usually...


General

Is Porn Cheating? Defining Infidelity in the Digital Age.

As a therapist who’s spent more than 25 years treating individuals and couples with intimacy and sexual issues, including every imaginable problem related to infidelity, I can assure you that one of the most difficult aspects of helping a person who has cheated on his or her significant other is getting that individual...


Sex Addiction

Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: An Interview with Alexandra Katehakis, MFT

Recently, my colleague Alexandra Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, published a research-based book entitled Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment. Her thorough understanding of the neurobiological underpinnings of sexual addiction along with ways to address these underlying issues in the treatment process is impressive. Recently, I was able to speak with her...


Children

Let’s Explore! The American Academy of Pediatrics Report on Kids and Digital Technology

In October, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) published a technical report entitled Children and Adolescents and Digital Media. In this report they write: “Over the past decade, the use of digital media, including interactive and social media, has grown, and research evidence suggests that these newer media offer both benefits and risks to the health of children and teenagers.” Identified benefits include: ...


Codependency

How to Stop Enabling

What is enabling? Enabling isn’t the same as helping. Helping is doing things that others can’t do for themselves. Enabling is doing for others what they can and should do for themselves. Codependent relationships are out of balance and often involve enabling. If you have codependent traits, you over-function, are...


Movie Mentoring

My Discomfort with Poverty

This amazing film finally explained why donations and handouts often don't work. Recently I watched a documentary film called Poverty, Inc. It had been in my Netflix queue for a rather long time...


Addiction

Stages of Addiction Treatment: Moving From Clinical Care to Self-Care

For psychotherapists who specialize in addiction, the ultimate goal is to move clients from clinical care to self-care, a process that means “working on my recovery” eventually becomes “working on enjoying my life.” This is true regardless of the addiction, be it substance abuse, compulsive gambling, spending addiction, video...


Animal Mentors

Yes, Dogs Can Speak “Human”

Our puppy, Flash Gordon. If you think he seems to be communicating, "This is MY green dinosaur," science says you are likely right! I love animals, specially dogs, for the cavapoo lovers...


Pornography

Multiple Versions of Porn Addiction? More Discourse Needed!

Last month I posted a blog to this site (click here to read) noting the difference between true sex addicts and those who inaccurately label themselves as addicted based on internalized and/or culturally informed shame about their sexual desires and behaviors, rather than the benchmarks used by treatment specialists when identifying, diagnosing, and treating...


boundaries

6 Ways Boundaries Can Make Your Life Better

Boundaries are rules or guidelines that you create to show others how to treat you. Relationships work best when we are clear about our expectations and needs. We can show ourselves and others respect by setting clear, consistent boundaries. “[Boundaries aren’t] separation. Boundaries are not...


Addictive Relating

3 Secrets to Outsmarting a Narcissist (By Not Trying to)

Is it possible to outsmart a narcissist? Perhaps, but only if you're willing to downgrade your standards to act like one. Admittedly, this post began with a trick question! The point was to say, first of all, why would you want to? And also, that taking that approach can be trap! (What a narcissist ) This post...


General

Feelings and How You Feel About Those Feelings

A few days ago, I posted some thoughts about a possible evolutionary basis for worries about whether or not we are "normal." Surprisingly, this contemplation came out of a book called "Come As You Are," which is basically about, well, sex. Author Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and...


General

Healing Stress by Completing the Cycle

Although it is a very important topic, I seldom write about intimacy (aka ) anywhere. It is a very personal thing to write about, or talk about, or even think about. But I read about it more these days, in the sense of trying to figure out answers to questions I have and to...