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The Cycle of Hating (A Poem)

I thought about how much I hated her
For leaving me.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For losing her.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For hating her.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For hating myself.
Then I thought about how much I hated her
For making me hate myself.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For allowing her to make me hate myself.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For not being able to stop hating her or myself.

Then I thought about how much I hated my mother
For teaching me to hate women.
Then I thought about how much I hated my father
For teaching me to hate being a man.
Then I thought about how much I hated my brother
For for bullying me.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For allowing my brother to bully me.
Then I thought about how much I hated my daughter
For hating me.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For allowing my daughter to be mean to me.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For hating myself for hating my daughter.

Then I thought about how much I hated women
For being critical of me as a man.
Then I thought about how much I hated men
For being losers like me.
Then I thought about I hated certain political groups
For feeling superior to me.
Then I thought about how much I hated myself
For letting these groups make me hate myself.
Then I thought about how much I hated my neighbors
For staring at me and thinking that I was full of hate.
Then I thought about how much I hated the world
For standing by while I festered with hate.
Then I thought about how much I hated the universe
For making me feel that all this hate was totally vain
Inane, and insane, not to mention
An enormous waste of time immemorial.

Then I thought about how much I hated God
For making a hateful world.
Then I thought about how much I hated this Supreme Being
For playing a practical joke on us all,
Giving us life and then taking it away.
Then I thought about how much I hated the universe
For not telling us what it all means.
Then I thought about how much I hated black holes
For sucking everything into themselves.
Then I thought about how much I hated the angry meteorites
That threaten our extinction at any moment.
Then I thought about how mjuch I hated
Hating the universe.

And, alas, I thought about how I was a complete
And udder (yes I said udder) failure,
And I hated myself for being
This udder failure
And I hated myself for hating myself
For being a miserable failure
And I hated myself for wasting days, week, months, years
Hating myself for being a failure.
And I hated myself for being caught up
In this cycle of hating.
And I hated that I would never, ever understand,
Apparently never at all grasp
The futility of hating.

This poem is from the author’s book of poems and drawings, Holding on and Letting Go.

The Cycle of Hating (A Poem)

Gerald Schoenewolf, Ph.D.

Gerald Schoenewolf, Ph.D. is a licensed psychoanalyst in New York and has been practicing for over 37 years. He works with adults, couples, families, adolescents, and children. He has graduated from three psychotherapy institutes and received a Certificate in Psychoanalysis from the Washington Square Institute in 1981. He has been an Adjunct Assistant Professor of psychology at the Borough of Manhattan Community College since 2002 and has authored thirteen books on psychotherapy and psychoanalysis as well as four novels and a book of poems and drawings. More recently he wrote 20 screenplays (winning four first-place awards at festivals) and produced and directed two feature films.


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APA Reference
Schoenewolf, G. (2017). The Cycle of Hating (A Poem). Psych Central. Retrieved on June 24, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychoanalysis-now/2017/08/the-cycle-of-hating-a-poem/

 

Last updated: 1 Aug 2017
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Aug 2017
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.